She Had the Perfect Kitchen, But I Have a Sinful Heart

I remember the first time I saw her kitchen. It was only in a picture, but it sure was picture-perfect. It was my dream kitchen. White and green. Lots of counter tops and cabinets. Sparkling clean with a large window to let the sunshine in.

Not only did she have the perfect kitchen, but she also spent time chronicling her life, in great and artistic detail, with pictures and notes. She did adventurous things with her children. Her resources and abilities seemed endless, and she walked in the fear of the Lord.

After reading her blog posts and drinking in her lovely pictures, I concluded this woman must have the perfect life. I stopped subscribing to her blog because I realized how my heart tempted me to indulge in a bit of envy and coveting after reading her posts. Simply put, I was jealous.

This is the key here. I concluded she had a perfect life. My heart tempted me to sin. She never said, "Here I am. Look at my children and my big kitchen and my organized home. I am the perfect woman with the perfect life." I was interpreting her posts through covetous eyes, and that will distort an image every time, leaving me in bondage to my sin instead of free to delight in God's goodness to others.

What About the Pictures?

There's a current trend of thought that says if I'm busy taking pictures, I must not be living life. I should put my camera down and be in the moment and stop causing discontentment in other women by sharing my photos. False assumptions are made about shutterbugs, that we live to impress, that we don't believe an experience has been real unless we have a picture of it, that we stage our lives, making pretty virtual realities to cover real lives that are neglected and in shambles.

I don't believe the motives of most shutterbugs are so shallow and sinister. When I capture pictures of my family, it's because I am in the moment and I value that moment, and my heart wants to share that moment with others and glorify God because of His provision of that moment. It's been said that we write to taste life twice, and I would say that I take pictures to taste life and God's goodness over and over.

When a friend shares her amazing close-ups of God's creation or the flowers her husband gave her for her birthday, I soak in the beauty, and I rejoice in God's goodness. When a friend shares a photo of her handiwork, I marvel at what God made us to do, to create in amazing ways, and I rejoice with her. When a friend shares a photo of her newly organized pantry, I'm inspired and motivated.

We All Have Our Weak Points

So why couldn't I do the same when I'd read this particular blog? Because I didn't know her, and she had many things I longed for and could easily make an idol of--a bigger home, a more organized life.

Just fill in those things that our hearts are fashioning into idols, and we'll discover why our vision is distorted, and we're so cynical about the accomplishments or blessings of others.

It's My Heart

It's not Pinterest or Facebook or pretty blogs or pictures of someone's perfect kitchen that are the problem. It's how my idol-making heart processes them. Too often...

My heart assumes the worst and assigns ill motives to others.
My heart covets.
My heart envies.
My heart fails to rejoice with those who rejoice.
My heart seeks satisfaction in these things instead of in Christ.

Do We Run?

Scripture exhorts us repeatedly to flee from temptation. We're not to play around with it, and see how much we can resist. We're to be on guard and not trust ourselves. It's foolishness to set ourselves in temptation's way as a means to train ourselves in godliness. So, should we run from Pinterest and Facebook and pretty blogs?

Yes and no.

We should be redeeming the time and guarding our hearts. If perusing Pinterest and using Facebook and reading blogs is not a profitable use of our time (and each person must answer that for herself) and we're allowing them to promote and feed sin in our lives, then we pluck out the eye that offends us.

But if we make life lovelier for those around us from the ideas on Pinterest, if we delight in the connections on Facebook, and we're encouraged as we read certain blogs, then we use them for God's glory, not to one-up each another or feed our idols. We remember to start with our own hearts if discontentment creeps in, and thank God for His faithfulness in making us more like Christ by revealing to us our sin.

My Duty

That woman who had the perfect kitchen? Well, I later discovered her life fell apart. Was she a fake? No. She was sharing the beautiful things in her life, with no obligation to me to tell me where the seams were fraying. Perhaps her blog was a means of preserving the lovely in the midst of the painful and ugly.

I'll never know.

What I can know is that I'm responsible for my heart when I visit these places, and I'm responsible to guard it, be kind, full of grace, rejoicing with those who rejoice, and delighting in God's goodness to others. And I'm responsible to know when to walk away, if that's necessary.

My duty is to remember that perfection is often relative (what might be a "perfect" kitchen or home to me won't be for you), and when I unkindly tag someone with that label because I'm green with envy, when I accuse others of making me discontent or unhappy, I'm shifting blame, and I'm revealing more about my own heart than I am about another's on-line presence of pixels and words.

With love,

Trisha

Pagosa~Part 1

Both the matter and the grace of thankfulness are from God.

~William Cowper

While my Mom was here, we enjoyed an amazing trip to Pagosa Springs, CO. One of the blessings of not having an abundance in the bank is the humbling joy of watching God provide for you through others. Because of my Mom, we enjoyed a vacation that was truly beyond our means and imaginations.

Get this. One of our units was BIGGER THAN OUR HOUSE! I wanted to cry when I walked through those doors and started exploring this gift, this gift from the Lord.   This unit was custom made for a large family. :) It had a large living area, a magnificent kitchen, 4 bedrooms, each with their own incredible bath, a separate laundry room, a HALLWAY (we don't even have a "proper" hallway in our home), a large dining room and table, and of course, balconies with breathtaking views of the water, the birds, and the mountains.

 The balcony--a favorite place to hang out.

 The spectacular snow-covered mountains God gave us.

 One of my favorite views of my Beloved--when he's smiling.

 I beat Ink to it and got the desk. This is where I'd sit each morning, up before everyone else, for a couple of hours, reading and praying and studying and taking in the view outside.

Jedediah, aka Cap'n, in his Batman clothes with handsome Reaches Up. Feeding the birds was an adventure in avoiding goose-poop.

 This was the living area. We played cards here, read, had family worship, and generally ignored the big screen tv that was on the wall.

 My lovely Mama.

 An example of the baths.

 The children loved feeding the ducks and geese.

 Another view from our balcony.

Jake must have learned at least 20 new card tricks while on vacation. :)

Isn't the big table wonderful?

With love,
Trisha

Closer to Eternity With Him

My Mama left today. The hurt ran a little deeper as I wondered if we'd ever see each other again. It's an amazing mercy from the Lord that she made it back here this time. After suffering a stroke in January of 2012, she's fought one health battle after another.

A constant prayer of mine has been the plea to just let us be together, at least one more time. There's nothing like growing older to reveal how long you've been taking living for granted, to make you wish you had savored those past moments more (but I wonder if we ever think we savor them enough). We all know we're dying daily, that our next breath is in His hands, and there are no guarantees we'll see old age or our grandchildren, but even the most eternally-focused still presume they'll have tomorrow. (Consider the way we treat each other. Surely if we took seriously the truth that we can die anytime, we wouldn't leave so many wounded in our paths or be so unforgiving.)

I recently read of a 72 year old woman who was diagnosed with a fast progressing cancer. "Doctor, am I going to die?" she asked. "Yes," he replied--as if this was really news, or a professional was needed to make it official.

So time marches on, and the mother who gave me popsicles and a warm bath after I fell into a pond full of tadpoles, the mother who left the sweetest notes in my lunch box or on my dresser, the mother I could be so unkind to when I was a teenager, is now the fragile woman I help into the car. She's the woman who needs a cane and gets easily tired and lives with much pain. She's the woman whose blue eyes still shine so brightly, whose heart still loves me and my family so generously.

Edith Schaeffer was a prolific letter writer, and I've been enjoying her book, With Love, Edith. She makes this beautiful observation about time:

"The date looks unreal, both year and day. How time does fly. If this present life were all that we had , the quick passage of time would be most depressing. How glad I am that we are getting closer to the 'beginning of eternity with Him' rather than to the 'end of life.'"

Praise God that whether we're 2 or 22 or 72, if we belong to Jesus, we're only moving toward a beginning rather than an end. 

And you know what I'll tell you if you still have your mother or father around. Love them often. Love them well.

With love,

Trisha

A Preservative for the Mind and Spirit

Meekness preserves the mind from being ruffled and discomposed, and the spirit from being unhinged by the vanities and vexations of this lower world. It stills the noise of the sea, the noise of her waves, and the tumult of the soul; it permits not the passions to crowd out in a disorderly manner, like a confused, ungoverned rabble, but draws them out like the trained bands, rank and file, every one in his own order, ready to march, to charge, to fire, to retreat, as wisdom and grace give the word of command.
~Matthew Henry, The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit

Her Hand in His

It's been almost two years ago since I rushed to Virginia to see my Dad before he died. He had never met Jedediah, so my sense of urgency to just get to the hospital was overwhelming. I remember trying to contain myself as I waltzed pass the nurses' station into his room. (I knew they'd be coming after me.)

That first meeting was brief, but brief was better than nothing. Jedediah touched my Dad's arm, and that was good. A connection had been made, and though he won't remember it, the story is part of him.

My Mama's here now, and she's held Elijah for the first time, and he's wrapped his younger, tinier fingers around her older, fragile ones. One generation grasping another. 

"Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children."
~Alex Haley

Snowy April

When Titus 2 Women May Be Hard to Find

I watched my Emma carry Elijah outside today. She was "wearing" him, running sometimes, grinning big, simply delighting in him. She could teach me and other Moms a few things about being in the moment.

My thoughts flashed forward as I imagined her with her own children one day. The tears came as I thought of the loveliness of it all. And the tears came because I know she'll meet resistance. I might not always be there to whisper, "Well done, my daughter. Make a home for your family. Love your husband. Delight in these children. Welcome His gifts and train them up for His glory."

The tears came because I think when she's older a Titus 2 woman might be hard to find. She'll look around her, even in church, perhaps especially in church, and she'll see women who have pursued their own glory, who will tell her that for all these years, Scripture has been misunderstood, that women being home-centered, marrying and bearing children, was only a "cultural" thing that we're no longer called to because of our "freedom" in Christ Jesus.

She'll look around and find mothers who never found it God-honoring enough to wipe noses and prepare meals and disciple little hearts or wear out the carpet with their knees bowed before the Lord. She'll find the women who little valued having their children rise up and call them blessed, who instead longed to have the praise of the world, the validation and cheering on of other women, who couldn't wait to do something else to give their lives more "meaning."

She'll find women whose divided hearts have come full-circle as they embrace and dish out feminism, the Christian re-mix version, of course, sanitized, not so overtly offensive, but still reeking of self and echoing that famous question, "Did God really say?"

What happens when mothers who have already raised their children think homemaking and babies and newlyweds have nothing to do with them? When they pursue so many interests that they're never available, or they wrap themselves up so much in the study of their Bibles that their practical theology is anything but practical to the wife and mother who wants to know how to function on four hours of sleep or make a meal for 8 or heal a diaper rash or soothe a colicky baby?

There's a void. An emptiness. And all women suffer because of it.

I'm in the middle--old enough to be a Titus 2 woman to some, and yet, still needing the encouragement of older Titus 2 women. Instead of finding Titus 2 exhortations, I'm watching older women distance themselves so much from home-centered living that they recoil at the thought of teaching the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be discreet and chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

I'm watching women dismiss our home-centered calling as they insist on blurring the distinctive roles God has given men and women, sometimes in the name of being "Gospel-focused," as though biblical womanhood is void of the Gospel dwelling in us richly.

As we age, our eyesight dims. But perhaps we need to be more concerned about losing sight of our Titus 2 responsibilities and being blinded by post-modern lies that leave us disqualified to teach the younger women.

Yes. A good Titus 2 woman might be hard to find, so what are we to do?

1) We can study what the Word says about biblical womanhood, with our daughters. Expose them to and discuss the distortions of womanhood (including the ones that declare a girl shouldn't be educated, etc.), that they would not be taken captive by man's wisdom or lean on their own understanding.

2) We can pray for God's abundant provision of Titus 2 women in our daughters' lives, women who have a love for home and who desire to share their love of sound doctrine, favorite parenting tips, and recipes or crafting skills.

3) We can give them mobile teachers, books written by sound Titus 2 authors who will encourage them when the pressure and negativity from without weighs heavy on them.

4) We can confidently teach them to be home-centered, not wavering or doubting or changing position with every new book or blog post we read. We can ground them in the Word of God and teach them well while they are with us how to manage a home, feast regularly on the Word, use their gifts to the glory of God for their families and church and community, learn new skills, love and serve others.

5) We can remind them that biblical womanhood goes against the grain, that many women, Christian women, chafe and writhe under it. They will meet resistance, and they will often feel very alone.

6) We must model contentment and joy in our own callings as wives and mothers, examining our hearts for remnants of feminist-shaped ideology that have contaminated our theology and influenced the vision of womanhood we're passing to our daughters.

7) We must remember this duty to be Titus 2 women, and be available to the younger women around us, offering them encouragement and wisdom from our years as a wife and mother. We can guard against the belief that it's holier to spend hours a day in the Word than it is to teach a younger woman how to plan meals for her family or refrain from being a busybody. (We would never think it wise of a man to neglect his work to study the Word so that he leaves his family without an income, and yet we often pressure women to do deep theological studies while their children remain unfed, the clothes aren't done, and thoughtful food prep isn't taking place. I'm not speaking of basic feasting and meditating on the Word, which is what most younger Moms only have time for.)

"It is doubtful that the Apostle Paul had in mind Bible classes or seminars or books when he spoke of teaching younger women. He meant the simple things, the everyday example, the willingness to take time from one's own concerns to pray with the anxious mother, to walk with the way of the cross--with its tremendous demands of patience, selflessness, lovingkindness--and to show her, in the ordinariness of Monday through Saturday, how to keep a quiet heart.

These lessons will come perhaps most convincingly through rocking a baby, doing some mending, cooking a supper, or cleaning a refrigerator. Through such an example, one young woman--single or married, Christian or not--may glimpse the mystery of charity and the glory of womanhood, so perfectly exemplified in the response of a humble village girl of long ago when she said: 'Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word' (Luke 1:38)."
~Elisabeth Elliot

With love,
Trisha

The Rare Time I Quote Frank Schaeffer

I haven't read any of Frank Schaeffer's books. The only one I've flipped through was sitting on a Barnes and Noble shelf. I remember reading a few pages and being  shocked and disgusted and very saddened by his lack of respect and honor for his mother (and evidently his father, too).

But these words from his recent "tribute" to his Mom stood out to me and reminded me again why I love Edith Schaeffer's The Hidden Art of Homemaking, and why we still have much to learn from her today.

My mother read me hundreds of books out loud, took me everywhere with her, provided order and beauty for her children from the mundane like scrubbing floors spotless on her knees and keeping our home orderly and clean, even when she had "no time" and was writing her book, to serving every meal I ever ate at home as a child with candles and flowers on the table and making the simplest family time an event. (Thank God we had no TV and Mom wasn't ever distracted by a cell phone or the internet from being a mother and of course her children were allowed to connect with the actual physical world hands on because we were lucky enough to grow up in the pre internet/electronic filtered age of false second hand "experiences.")
~Frank Schaeffer

Maple Oatmeal Raisin Skillet Cookie

Ink's not much of a cake guy. He prefers pies. Or oatmeal raisin cookies.

So,  for his 18th birthday celebration, I found this wonderful skillet cookie recipe to try, and it was a hit. Skillet cookies are amazing.

Because it was late at night, I didn't wait for the cookie to cool. Thus, we enjoyed leaning  and melting candles. And if you have an eye for detail, you'll notice only 17 candles. Late night + hot cookie + melting candles=inability to count correctly. It's ok, though. It was all good.

Maple Oatmeal Raisin Skillet Cookie

• 1/2 cup unsalted butter
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 tsp maple extract
• 1 egg
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup old fashioned oatmeal
• 1/2 cup raisins
• 1/2 cup walnuts, toasted

Toppings (optional)

• Raw Sugar
• Greek Yogurt (or your favorite kind of yogurt)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Heat a cast iron skillet over medium heat.  Melt the butter and stir frequently until the butter browns.  Stir in the brown sugar and maple extract.  Remove from the heat and let cool for about 8 minutes.  (you want the pan to be warm but not hot.)  Crack an egg into the skillet and whisk into the mixture. Add the cinnamon, salt, and baking soda and stir until combined.  Add the flour to the skillet and stir slowly until incorporated.  Add your mix-ins: oatmeal, walnuts, and raisins.  Combine. Pat evenly over the skillet.  Top with raw sugar if desired. Bake in a 375 degree oven for 14-18 minutes, until set.  Serve warm with yogurt if desired.

~Baker Bettie

Enjoy!

With love,

Trisha