For Most People

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly

 loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, 

kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." 

Colossians 3:12

"Our love ought also to be patient. Our neighbor may 

have his faults—but we are taught to

 bear with one another's infirmities.

If we knew the story of men's
lives, the hidden loads and burdens which they are
often carrying, 

 the unhealed sore in their heart—we
would have most gentle patience with them. 

Life is hard for most people,

 certainly hard enough without
our adding to its burdens by our censoriousness, our
unkindness, our jeering and contempt.

~J.R. Miller

May you praise God today for all those He's given you to bear your burdens, those who weep with you and rejoice with you, those with whom you share your deepest struggles, those who faithfully show you the love of Christ, whether you're on the mountain or in the valley, those who carry you with their prayers and good words and kind deeds.

And may God grant us all that extra dose of patience, by His grace, to love and bear with those in our lives who challenge us, frustrate us, and sometimes even discourage us. When we're tempted to discard them, to be rid of them because they are thorns in our sides, because they are difficult and demanding, may we soften their hard lines and ease their heavy burdens with the sweet aroma of Christ in us. 

With love,

Trisha

A Month of Thanksgiving~A Nib for Your Pastor and Lots of Prayer

One year for Christmas, we gave our pastor a fountain pen nib with a pledge to faithfully pray for him, along with a note explaining the symbolism of the nib. The gift was inspired by this story told by Charles Spurgeon:

"There is a sermon by old Matthew Wilks about our being epistles of Christ, written not with ink, and not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart; and he said that ministers are the pens with which God writes on their hearts' hearts, and that pens need nibbing every now and then, and even when they are well nibbed they cannot write without ink--so he said that the best service that the people could render to the preachers was to pray the Lord to give them new nibs, and dip them in the ink afresh, that they might write better than before. Do so, dear friends, do not blot the page with your censures and unkind remarks, but help the preacher by pleading for him even as Christ prayed for Peter."
~Spurgeon, The Preparatory Prayers of Christ, emphasis mine

God has given us the privilege of interceding for those who shepherd us. How important this is, to pray for the Lord to keep them, to preserve them, to strengthen them! Not praying for our pastors is just one way of many of taking them for granted, of being ungrateful for this gift from the Lord.

Gardiner Spring puts it this way:

"Nothing gives a people so much interest in their minister, and interest of the best kind, as to pray for him. They love him more, they respect him more, the attend more cheerfully and profitably on his ministrations, the more they commend him to God in their prayers. They feel a deeper interest in his work the more they pray for him; and their children feel a deeper interest both in him and his preaching, when they habitually listen to supplications that affectionately commend him to the throne of the heavenly grace."
~A Plea to Pray for Pastors

Perhaps at the core of many a church's disillusionment with their pastor is their failure to consistently and fervently pray for him. When we find ourselves becoming increasingly critical of our shepherds, maybe the first thing we should ask ourselves is if we're praying for them. Truly, how often do we send our ministers into the pulpit without once having prayed for them during the week, and then we roast them over Sunday dinner and make of list of the many ways they displease us? Oh, God forgive us for neglecting this duty, this privilege.

Today is the perfect time to make a commitment to regularly pray for your pastor. And go one step further--let him know you're faithfully praying for him, be it by packaging up a lovely fountain pen nib or just sending a note. And what shall we pray?

Thomas Brooks, in his book Precious Remedies Against Satan's Devices, asks his congregation to pray in this way for him:

"That ye would pray for me, who am not worthy to be named among the saints, that I may be a precious instrument in the hand of Christ to bring in many souls unto Him, and to build up those that are brought in in their most holy faith; and 'that utterance will be given to me, that I may make known all the will of God' (Eph. 6:19); that I may be sincere, faithful, frequent, fervent, and constant in the work of the Lord, and that my labour be not in vain in the Lord; that my labours may be accepted in the Lord and his saints, and I may daily see the travail of my soul.

But, above all, pray for me, that I may more and more find the power and sweet of those things upon my own heart, that I give out to you and others; that my soul may be so visited with strength from on high, that I may live up fully and constantly to those truths that I hold forth to the world; and that I may be both in life and doctrine 'a burning and a shining light,' that so, when the Lord Jesus shall appear, 'I may receive a crown of glory which he shall give to me in that day, and not only to me, but to all that love his appearing.' (John 5:35 and 2 Tim. 1:8).

~Thomas Brooks

Of course, that's just a start. There are many prayers to pray for our pastors. The important thing is to just do it and do it faithfully.

Thanks be to God for our pastors and for the duty and privilege of interceding for them before the Lord!

With love,

Trisha

When You Think You're Not Getting Anything Out of Church

I recall one little old lady at a congregation where I served who was very sweet but had a physical problem which caused her to fall asleep whenever she sat down for any length of time. She was very embarrassed about it, and she did everything possible to stay awake. She did not enjoy coffee but she would drink it on Sunday mornings and do everything she could think of to prevent herself from sleeping. But every time she would fall asleep anyway, and she would always apologize to me afterward and tell me that she believed that the sermon had been a good one, judging from the responses she heard from other people. One day she told me, "I am going to be here every Sunday, because it is important for the young people to see that if I can come, they can come. I want to be here as an example to them. And I hope I don't fall asleep." Most of us might be tempted to laugh at the "example" she set, but in her resolve she showed a deeper understanding of the problem. She was getting very little out of worship for herself but the knowledge that she was obeying the Lord and encouraging her brothers and sisters. She received little for herself, but she gave all that was in her power to give. God blessed her and used her in mighty ways to bless the whole congregation.

The one who avoids church because he does not "get much out of it" has a fundamentally selfish and unChristian attitude. We do not worship merely to fulfill our own needs; we are there for the sake of others and to give thanks and praise to God. He deserves our presence and our hearts, whether or not He is pleased to give us anything, for He certainly is not obliged to do so. Our friends and brothers in Christ need our support in worship whether or not they are able to support us in turn. We give without expecting to receive, but the wonderful truth is that we always receive more than we give, whether we realize it or not.
~Steve Wilkins, Face to Face, Meditations on Friendship and Hospitality

What Happens in That Small Church Out in the Sticks?

"What happens when a small group of saints gathers in a clapboard community church somewhere out in the sticks? At their call to worship, they ascend to the City of God, to the heavenly Jerusalem. They walk into the midst of innumerable angels (Heb. 12:22). They come to general assembly of the universal Church and into the presence of God Himself (Heb. 12:23). Scripture says this understanding should rattle us--we should start working out our salvation together with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12-13). When we understand what is actually happening in a worship service, our contemporary flippancy evaporates."
~Doug Wilson, A Primer on Worship and Reformation

One Part of the Duty We Owe to Our Pastors

"Pray for us: for we trust we have a good conscience, 

in all things willing to live honestly."

~Hebrews 13:18

"This is one part of the duty which people owe to their ministers. Ministers need the prayers of the people; and the more earnestly the people pray for their ministers the more benefit they may expect to reap from their ministry. They should pray that God would teach those who are to teach them, that He would make them vigilant, and wise, and zealous, and successful--that He would assist them in all their labours, support them under all their burdens, and strengthen them under all their temptations."

~Matthew Henry

How Can I Love My Local Church? Let Me Count the Ways

There once was a family who loved being with God's people. They spontaneously invited others over for Sunday dinner or splurged on dinners out. They would drive an hour just to return a Bible because that meant they'd get to see their friends again. They would host Bible studies to minister to others in the church who needed that fellowship and encouragement. They sacrificed their time and money and resources. They reached out and truly desired to love and encourage. They couldn't wait to get to church each Sunday.

But then things went wrong. Hard words. Unforgiven offenses. Misunderstandings. Accusations.

Bitterness built up and fear replaced love. Words and affection were measured. Involvement was limited. Attachments were restrained. Determination was made that such a mess would never happen again.

We are that family. And there are lots of families like us. We have to re-learn and willfully do that which used to come so naturally, loving those with whom we worship. I have not mastered this list below, and I repeatedly stumble in my efforts. In fact, my fellow church members would give me poor marks on performance of these. But this is what I'm aiming for, what we should all be aiming for...not simply restraining from evil, but actively, fervently, loving our brothers and sisters in Christ. God is faithful to give us the grace to do so.

1) Read the Word: Our minds are renewed by the reading of His Word, and that renewal includes transforming those selfish concerns that often keep us from loving His people. It also arms us with discernment to know theological truth and error. When you drink up His Word, those truths overflow and bless those around you.

2) Deal with offenses or let them go: Love covers a multitude of sins and love speaks the truth. Choose one. To ignore either is to open the door wide open to conflict and bitterness. You might as well roll out the red carpet and say, "Come on in!"

3) Be thankful and make a note of it: Thankful people have their eyes fixed on the goodness of the LORD which leaves them much less time to magnify the faults of the saints or petty offenses. Write those praises down, including what you appreciate about those with whom you worship.

4) Treasure your Pastor: Treasuring leaves no time for roasting. Consider your pastor's responsibilities, what he gives to your church each week, how he practically loves the body, the sacrifices he makes. Consider the conflict you are spared as a church body because you have a godly shepherd. Let him know how much you appreciate him, in word or on paper.

5) Have a heart to encourage: Think of ways you can encourage the members of your church. Write them notes or tell them directly. A fellow church member recently mailed me a cartoon she thought I'd like. It was a small gesture that spoke volumes. "I'm thinking of you, and I'm taking the time to show you I care." Never think the encouragement you have to offer won't matter.

6) Pluck out roaming eyes: Be careful about comparing churches. God has you where you are for a reason, and unless there is theological error you should be running from, it's wise to be content where He has placed you and be the foot or arm or leg He wants you to be.

7) Know why you should love the Church: Every day we're bombarded with anti-Church messages. We're encouraged to have church "our way." Seek the truth in His Word, from your pastor, and from books like, Why We Love the Church or the many articles and recordings found here. 

8) Remember this about those hard-to-love members: Sometimes they're the ones hurting the most. It's no excuse. It's just a fact that should lead us to patience with and fervent prayer for them. Our Pastor has literally loved us into staying in our church body.

9) Pray: Pray for your pastor. Pray for yourself. Pray for your fellow members. Pray you would abound in love for Him and for one another. I mean, seriously, PRAY.

10) Think "Family": I used to compartmentalize church life and family life. There were those I worshipped with each week, and then there were those I actually liked to spend time with. Think of your church family as REAL family and treat them so.

11) Don't expect change overnight: Conflict rarely comes full force overnight and healing doesn't usually, either. Be patient and faithful and expect Him to heal your hurting heart and damaged relationships.

12) Rejoice and weep as you never have before: It's been said that we should weep with fellow Christians and rejoice with fellow Christians like we're weeping and rejoicing for the first time. Congratulate that Mama who's expecting another baby. Weep with that sister who's home life is overwhelming or discouraging. Take on your fellow members' joys and burdens like they're your own.

13) Get off the sidelines and get in the game: It's easy to think we're part of a church when we just show up each Sunday. Make an effort to be part of those activities that encourage growth in your relationship with others and give you the opportunity to serve your church body.

14) Commit: Josh Harris refers to those who attend church week after week without any form of commitment as ones who "date the church." Stop dating the church!

15) Be faithful: What do you love more? God's church and His people or your children's sports games  and humanitarian efforts? Guard against letting casual commitments interfere with your gathering with the saints. Consider what you're teaching your children when you miss a summer of church because there are sports games every Sunday or tournaments, etc. And while ministering to a homeless shelter is great, it shouldn't take precedence on the Lord's Day over worship with your local church body.

16) Be all ears and all heart: Sometimes those who are hurting just need to know someone is listening. Really listening. Not pointing fingers. Not lecturing, but listening with great garments of compassion.

17) Be quick to repent and slow to offend: Think twice before you speak and act and guard against giving offense. But when you do, be super quick to make things right.

18) Give them grace: I often show more grace to those on my blog roll than those in my church. Consider others you disagree with about issues or books or theology and how much grace you extend them. Are you as generous with those you worship with each week?

19) Remember they're handpicked: When our children fight, I remind them that God chose who would be their siblings. There's nothing random about our families, and there's nothing random about those with whom we worship each week.

20) Consider the kernel: In most criticism, there is at least a kernel of truth. Consider it. Ask God to make you overflow with a teachable spirit.

These last three posts have felt like a long spanking from the LORD. It's my prayer that somehow God would use my own failures and sin to prevent others, especially our children, from the same errors, give hope to those whose hearts are breaking from church conflict, remind some they've forsaken His people, and move us all to love more actively and unconditionally. How good and merciful our God is!

With love,
Trisha


This is the third in a series. The second is How God Uses Church Conflict to Sanctify Us and the first, Eleven Ways to Hurt Your Local Church.

11 Ways God Uses Church Conflict to Sanctify Us

Church conflict reminds me of the story of Jonah. We're not sent to Ninevah, but we are told to be part of a community of believers. We don't think certain Christians are worth our time when we encounter conflict, so we decide to do things our way. Instead of ship-boarding, you'll find us church-hopping. While our presence isn't life-threatening, we do infect others with our past troubles and bad attitudes. Ultimately, we cherish our idolatrous gourds more than we do His people and His Church.

The truth is that anything God uses to make us more like Jesus is a gift, including church conflict. So, what are some of the ways God uses these struggles to refine us?

1) We're purged of "acceptable sins" and idols: Other than parenting, church conflict has brought to surface more of my sin than anything else. Selfishness. Anger. Gossip. Slander. Anxiety. Fear. Little love for His people. You know. Those sins that we cherish in our hearts because, hey, at least they aren't adultery or murder.

How many of us never knew how selfish we could be until we had children? And how many of us never knew how important blue carpet is to us until the church committee changes it to green? What a mercy it is from the LORD to show us our sin! If we run from church to church or leave church altogether, we miss an opportunity, be it a painful one, to grow in grace and holiness.

2) We learn to face conflict Biblically:  Most of us are too comfortable with the world's way of facing conflict. We know what God's Word tells us to do, but it's hard to stomach. It's much easier to ignore or stew or gossip or run. Church conflict forces us to make a choice. Continue in sin or seek to restore fellowship Biblically.

3) We learn to trust in His providence: How quickly I embrace the doctrines of grace, the wonder of God's sovereignty over my salvation, but abandon that belief when it comes to church relationships. Consider His purposes in this trial He has set before you. Know that He has ordered every detail in perfect wisdom.

4) We learn worship is about Him and not about us. How many Sundays do we spend thinking little of our Savior and way too much of how others are treating us or how our needs aren't being met? What is the purpose of worship?When we truly gather with the saints to magnify and glorify Him, we lose the high view of we have of ourselves and our "issues."

5) We learn the value of long-term commitment: When walking in the flesh, we're not committed to much of anything other than ourselves. Our own church struggles started almost 4 years ago. It's been a long road, but God has shown us that, week by week, He's restoring and healing. In a society that craves instant-everything, we struggle to believe that God's timing is perfect and that sanctification is a process, but how rich are the rewards that come from waiting on the LORD.

6) We learn to submit: To God, church authority, and if we're women, to our husbands. I vividly  remember standing in my bedroom, in tears, asking my husband if we could just go to another church. I didn't think I could take anymore. How differently our lives would be if my Beloved had agreed. Instead, he told me "no." And though I wasn't happy at the time, I'm thankful he protected us in that way, and I see how God has blessed our obedience.

7) We learn obedience is about honoring God, not having a perfect outcome. Too often we think obedience equals happy endings. But will we obey and love His people when they won't accept our apologies or when they abuse our kindness? Church conflict quickly reveals whether our obedience is grounded in idealized outcomes or in honoring Christ. There is blessing in obedience and it will go well with us, BUT the blessing doesn't always mirror our expectations.

8) We learn that only Jesus satisfies: You are going to disappoint someone, and someone is going to disappoint you. Only Jesus fully satisfies, not your best buddies at church or the worship music or your pet program or your pastor. When God strips us of these things through church conflict, we have to face the truth about what we've been treasuring in our hearts.

9) We learn the value of hedges: If God has hedged you in, has not provided some easy way to leave your church, praise Him for it! Those hedges are His means of loving and protecting you. It's a means of making you take a good look at your sin, learn to love His people, meditate on His goodness, and trust Him.

10) We learn how to encourage other struggling pilgrims to press on: Before we walked this hard road, I would have encouraged someone in the midst of church conflict to just walk away. Just go find another church where you can be "happy". But, now I would tell you, as I show you my self-inflicted battle wounds, to not be in such a hurry. Wait on the Lord. Press on. Run this race with His people at your side, the very ones you struggle to forgive and love.

11) We learn to weep over our sin and rejoice over the Gospel: God  uses church conflict to break hardened and prideful hearts. He brings us to our knees as He shows us how quick we are to offend and be offended, to mistreat His own people, to choose self over Him. He brings us to tears and gives us hearts that readily proclaim, "Oh, to grace, how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be!" He reminds us we need the good news of the gospel every minute of every day, and that without Him, we can do nothing.

I'm a slow learner who still has so far to go, but He is long suffering and ready to forgive and slow to anger. I thank Him daily that He has not given me what I deserve or withheld His blessings from me as I've struggled to honor Him. May God grant us much wisdom as we seek to honor Him and His Church.

With love,
Trisha

***This is the second post in a series. Here's the first , Eleven Ways to Hurt Your Local Church. The last will focus on ways we can love our local church.

Eleven Ways to Hurt Your Local Church

***This is the first post of a three-part series. The other posts will address ways to love your local church and church conflict as a means of sanctification. Thus, those issues aren't expounded on in this post nor solutions offered for the below attitudes/sins.

1) Convince yourself they don't need you and you don't need them: Find a mountain or a Starbucks and worship "organically." Gather with a few friends somewhere and neglect the sacraments and the preaching of the Word. Have church "your way." Tell yourself those worshippers at the local church body are deceived, that corporate worship is a man-made invention, and a pagan one at that.

2) Take everything personally: The comment about your hair. The fact that no one told you about the party so-and-so was having. The change in worship times or music sung. The choosing of green carpet over blue. No one remembering your birthday or rejoicing with you over your good news or weeping with you over your sad news like you thought they should. Fill in the blanks.

3) Contaminate your children: Make sure they know how so-and-so offended you. Let them hear your sarcastic comments about other members or how the church is run. Roast the preacher over Sunday dinner, as they say, and teach them early on how to gossip and slander and nurse discontentment.

4) Be Your Own Man (or Woman): Believe that you know it all, that there is no authority over you, and you need not be accountable to anyone. Bristle under correction and dismiss every ounce of criticism as unfounded.

5) Sport those quills: Porcupines are untouchable, and so is the Christian who comes to church each week on the defensive. Other members learn you're prickly and unapproachable.

6) Keep a detailed ledger: Remember every offense, the time and date, too. Play the scenes over and over in your mind and revel in the role of a victim.

7) Make worship all about you: Are you entertained each week? Are your "needs" getting met? Are there enough like-minded families or families with children or singles or married without children, etc.? Does everyone else look like you and like what you like?

8) Believe you're the exception: No one has ever been mistreated in church as you have. No one has ever felt so lonely at church as you do. No one has ever had to endure such long seasons of conflict at church. Surely, God wouldn't have you put up with any of it. After all, you're called to endure affliction, but a local church body should be the last place you have to do so.

9) Let fear rule your heart: Base current relationships on past hurts. Assume everyone is only going to betray you in some way, and tell yourself you're done taking risks.

10) Forget providence: Forget that every conflict and blessing comes from the hand of the Lord. This includes the sweet lady who gave you some homemade jam as well as the not-so-sweet lady who wanted to know if you're ever going to potty-train your child. Dismiss the truth that God has a purpose for even those stinging remarks and those trying relationships and the fact that the carpet is green instead of blue.

11) Run!: When in conflict or disagreement or simply unhappy, hit the road. Search for a church with perfect people and the perfect programs and the perfect pastor. Remind yourself church membership means nothing.

Before you comment that I don't understand, let me tell you I do. I'm not a pastor or a scholar, but I am a master of every one of these sins. I have quills the size of broadswords, and I have a ledger that taunts me. Fear rules me many a Sunday, and I repeatedly fail to love my fellow saints with the love of Christ. In the past, I've begged my husband to let us leave our church body. I've been falsely accused and betrayed and know well the pain of thoughtless remarks. I've slandered and gossiped and acted without self-control. I've failed to forgive as Christ has forgiven me. And I continue to beg God to fill my heart with a love for the saints that honors Him. You see, I'm a big mess, and that's why I can tell you so well how to hurt your local church.

But I'd also be the first to tell you to be part of it, to love it, and to cling to Jesus, knowing, though you might not be feeling, that God is working out something good in the midst of your conflicts and heartaches.

Much love,
Trisha

A Good Time to Use Your Cell Phone in Church

My children were aghast when they heard the click of my cell phone camera during worship. But I stand firm on my belief that this is one time it was justified. :)

Sometimes you have to put a fire under Christians to get them to lift their hands, yet our infants and children do so naturally. Does it not warm your heart to hear those little voices say "Amen" or watch them lift their hands to heaven? There are seeds being planted, and even now we're beholding the marvelous fruit.

"The Lord has today--I know not where--some little Luther on his mother's knee, some young Calvin learning in our Sunday school, some youthful Zwingli singing a hymn to Jesus."
~C.H. Spurgeon

Disinterested in the Gospel and Tired of the Church

I can't help but feel that lurking beneath the surface in much of the current disillusionment with the church is a dis-ease with the traditional message of salvation. People are passionate about the poor, the environment, and third-world debt. But they seem embarrassed by a violent, bloody atonement for sin, let alone any mention of the afterlife that hangs in the balance. Everyone, it seems has a vision for the church that Jesus talked about in Matthew 16:18--the church against which the gates of hell shall not prevail. Many people read this today as a word about the church's role in liberating the oppressed, bringing shalom, or storming 'the authority structures and control centers of evil.' But the reference to the 'gates of hades' is a Jewish euphemism for death (see Isa. 38:10, which uses the Hebrew term sheol). Jesus' initial description of the church focused not on changing the world but on the hope of eternal life.

My observation is that as people grow tired of hearing about the atonement, salvation, the cross, and the afterlife, they grow tired of church. Because the more that sin and redemption and heaven and hell recede into the background, the more the church becomes just one among several options for making a difference in the world.

So as much as the church as been nothing but a holy huddle at times and as much as I admire zeal for good works, there is a danger in much of the missional literature that the gospel of God's grace toward sinners gets swallowed up in urgent calls for world redemption and cultural transformation. There is a danger of centering our churches on adopting schools and offering parenting classes instead of being centered on the message of a heavenly Father who adopts unworthy children of wrath through the work of His Son on the cross. There is a danger that we find our unity in doing good missional deeds for our community and not in the good news of the gospel. There's a danger our Christianity becomes all imperative and not indicative, all about what we need to do with God and little about what God's done for us. There's danger that when people get disinterested in the gospel, they get disinterested in the church. And once they leave the church, they've left the only institution whose mission aims for eternity and whose gospel is truly good news.
~Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck, Why We Love the Church