It Doesn't Come Naturally~9 Ways to Teach Our Children Contentment

Shakespeare said, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!" It's true. If there's one sin in my own children's lives that tempts me to sin, it is ingratitude. "Look at all that God has done for you!" "How can you be so ungrateful, murmuring about what you don't have while forgetting the bounty of His goodness?"

And I'd like them to master contentment in five easy lessons. 

But here I am still learning it myself, as evidenced by the ease with which I think hard thoughts of God or forget yesterday's mercies or dismiss today's provision. 

We work hard to teach our children many things, and yet, we forget that contentment must be learned, too. It is a lifelong battle, for surely as the Holy Spirit has sanctified us in one area, and we've made our peace with a trial or an illness or another thorn in our side, He will faithfully show us other ways in which we are thankless children of God. We complain about our children's complaining and then throw those quiet temper tantrums in our hearts because God is not doing what we think is best for us.

"Do not indulge, any of you, the silly notion that you can be contented without learning, or learn without discipline; it is not a power that may be exercised naturally, but a science to be acquired gradually!"

~C. H. Spurgeon

So, how do we teach our children contentment, remembering it's just the beginning of a lifetime of learning?

Pray for them. Pray for wisdom and blessing on our efforts. Pray for patience and mercy and lovingkindness to clothe our correction.

Consistently discipline their murmurings and disputings, being mindful not to reward their discontentment.

Teach them to treasure our correction of them and the Lord's chastisement.

Guard against all kinds of complaining, including complaints about the weather and the traffic and the spilled milk and those many "little" things we think excuse our murmurings. Confess our own struggles with discontentment and repent to them when necessary.

Instruct them in the Word and in prayer.What does God say about murmuring? What happened to those who indulged in this sin? Have them hide Scriptures in their hearts that will help them fight the temptation to complain. Teach them to battle this sin on their knees.

Teach them about God's sovereignty, and the truth that He is always doing us good. Teach them with words, but mostly with how we submit to His will for our own lives.

Refrain from manipulating circumstances so that our children are never unhappy or without.

Teach them the discipline of habits and mastering Self and cheerfully choosing to do those things they don't want to do, including chores and math lessons.

Model gratitude by counting God's mercies together. Write them down. Read over them again and again. Celebrate them.

With love,
Trisha

Big and Little

Can you guess the unexpected bonus in this picture?

C'mon. Look carefully.

The socks! The socks!

Sarge has matching socks!

The Cutting Fields

I'm not sure how much of my nose I'll have left when I'm 60. I'd prefer to keep all of it, but skin cancer seems to have a claim, and it's an opponent I have yet to conquer.

When I was a child, I was sometimes told I had a "pug" nose, so I added it to my list of "Those Things I Wish God Had Done Differently." But my thoughts changed when the doctor started cutting bits of it away. Suddenly my nose was most beautiful, and I desperately wanted to keep it. 

Even now, there's a cancer growing there. I've known about it for several months, buy I'm too chickenhearted to go under the knife again. My fear and vanity run deeper than this cancer. Those bright lights, the scalpel, the anesthesia wearing off before the cutting is done, the infection they tell you rarely happens (but it happened to you), the disfigurement, the tears, the sometimes months of healing--you don't forget them too soon, and the second time is only worse because now you know what to expect. 

And no doubt the fact that my last biopsy went a bit wrong has something to do with my denial and delay. It's not cool when the doctor misses a spot and cuts healthy tissue. But it happens.

Doctors misdiagnose. They prescribe the wrong medicine and misjudge the dosing. They cut more than is necessary just to be safe. They often guess at what's wrong with you. 

But how much good they do, too! I'm thankful for the skilled surgeon who has delivered my babies. I'm thankful for the skilled surgeon who put a bar in Ink's chest and then removed it years later. I'm thankful for the skilled surgeon who preserved Luke's eyesight. Yes. For all the mistakes, doctors do good, and we put ourselves under their care, knowing they're fallible.

In the flesh, my body is a cutting field. My back, my arm, my forehead, my nose--they've all seen the knife and there are scars to show it.

And my soul is one, too. 

God is that Master-Pruner. Everyday He's cutting away at those things that don't honor Him. It's painful, and He doesn't give me treatment options.

He doesn't need to. His cuts are perfect. The right spot. The right amount. The right timing. No guessing. No overdosing. No "oops, I'm so sorry. I needed to cut away at your unteachable spirit, but instead I hacked away at _______."

Perfect pruning.

And just like those surgeons who get the cutting right, God is doing me good. But the difference is that He is doing good all of the time.

Still, I fight it. I forget it. I resist His methods and His means--the difficult people, the interruptions in my day, the disappointments, the losses, the unkind words, disobedient children, rude drivers, broken appliances, the struggle to keep walking in His ways. And, I often tell Him with my murmuring and unsubmissive spirit what I'm saying when I refuse to deal with this cancer on my face--I'd rather stay this way. I'd rather have this cancer grow and require more cutting, and, "By the way, dear God, I'd rather you not make me more like Jesus."

Yep. I have trust issues. And pride issues.

But He'll also cut away at those, whether I want Him to or not. 

And He'll do it perfectly.

Thanks be to God.

With love,

Trisha

A Little Bit of Shame Would Be Good

There's an "Intimacy Challenge" making its rounds on the internet. 10 straight days of sex is the goal.

It's being called an "Intimacy Challenge" so it sounds a bit more refined and respectable than that Sexperiment stuff some pastor did some time ago. But really???  I want to know what books you're reading and what great things God is doing in your life. But I don't want to know, nor do I need to know, how often you're having sex. And if you're having problems in this area, talk to your pastor or another 3D someone who can offer you counsel and encouragement.

Can you imagine these conversations around the dinner table?

"Well, son, how are things going with you and your bride?"
"Great, Dad. We're doing that 10 day intimacy challenge. 10 straight days of sex."

Or how about chatting about it in the foyer at church:

"How's your week been, Sally?"
 "Oh, terrific. John and I are having 10 straight days of sex."

Would you not think these conversations a bit out of place? Indiscreet? And yet, we're willing to broadcast such things to an even greater audience on social media.

Go ahead. Call me a prude, but my objection isn't because I think sex is dirty; it's because I know it's not. It is sacred and beautiful and not meant to be set up as a 10 day challenge for all the world to see. And the fact that men are not better keepers of the sacredness of this area of their marriages, seen in the writing of a blog post (which I've chosen not to link here) and in the "liking" on Facebook, and "I'm in!" illustrate how backwards it all is.

Shame is being aware that something is improper or ridiculous or dishonorable, and public challenges like this are exactly that because the marriage bed is SO honorable.

Theodore Dalrymple's thoughts are quite timely: "No one seems to have noticed, however, that a loss of a sense of shame means a loss of privacy; a loss of privacy means a loss of intimacy; and a loss of intimacy means a loss of depth. There is, in fact, no better way to produce shallow and superficial people than to let them live their lives entirely in the open, without concealment of anything."

With love,
Trisha

Christless Leisure

To Awaken Them All With Love

Here's a lovely and encouraging piece from John Piper about rising early and fighting that temptation for a bit more sleep, a bit more slumber. What a priceless gift we give our families when we feed our own souls and commune with our Lord, covering our loved ones in prayer.

God, I’m tired. Help me. Please open my eyes so I can see wonders in your word. O God. Mighty God! Maker of heaven and earth and all the galaxies of the universe. That you should lend an ear to me in this little room half awake. That you should occupy yourself with me while millions of your people pray and all the while you hold New York and Tokyo and Paris in the palm of your hand. That you should call this tempted flesh the temple of the Holy Spirit. That you speak to me from off this page as personally and powerfully as though you sat here on the couch and talked. O God, what condescension. What unutterable mercy to attend to a little ant like me. Help me believe, O God, and feel this truth: that all my hairs are numbered. Why are you downcast, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.

“And now my wife, Lord. Thank you for her. Protect her from harm and from the evil one. Give her joy in the ministry with me. Waken her this morning with a song of praise in her heart and on her lips. Give her vision for service in this neighborhood. Incline her heart to the word and not to getting gain. Fill her with your Spirit—of wisdom and joy and righteousness. Make her a wise and happy mother. O bind our hearts together as you bind our hearts to yours.”

“And finally, my sons. Even in their sleep, Lord, turn their hearts to you. And when I wake them with your word, sow that seed in humble, open soil. And send its roots down to the inner heart and make an oak of faith. O Christ, take my sons for your servants. Obliterate rebellion from their hearts. And may they grow to godly manhood, full of love to you and love to men. Let them not love the world, nor give a hoot for things or praise. But may your glory be their passion day and night until the Kingdom comes.

The grandfather’s clock gives half the Westminster chime. It is 6:30. My heart is full. My eyes are open. My faith is alive. My joy is warm. My conscience is still. My hope is strong. I will awaken them all with love!

~John Piper

Be sure to read the entire article here.

With love,

Trisha

For Most People

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly

 loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, 

kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." 

Colossians 3:12

"Our love ought also to be patient. Our neighbor may 

have his faults—but we are taught to

 bear with one another's infirmities.

If we knew the story of men's
lives, the hidden loads and burdens which they are
often carrying, 

 the unhealed sore in their heart—we
would have most gentle patience with them. 

Life is hard for most people,

 certainly hard enough without
our adding to its burdens by our censoriousness, our
unkindness, our jeering and contempt.

~J.R. Miller

May you praise God today for all those He's given you to bear your burdens, those who weep with you and rejoice with you, those with whom you share your deepest struggles, those who faithfully show you the love of Christ, whether you're on the mountain or in the valley, those who carry you with their prayers and good words and kind deeds.

And may God grant us all that extra dose of patience, by His grace, to love and bear with those in our lives who challenge us, frustrate us, and sometimes even discourage us. When we're tempted to discard them, to be rid of them because they are thorns in our sides, because they are difficult and demanding, may we soften their hard lines and ease their heavy burdens with the sweet aroma of Christ in us. 

With love,

Trisha

He Was Made to Leave

"Permit to us who pass from one state to another something of the 

pathos that is to be permitted to those that approach to death. 

We are happy to go into the country, but we are unhappy to leave the town."

~G. K. Chesterton

*****

Welcomed into this world, he hears your voice, and he knows you. You. You're his World. His eyes fix fast on you. You're his Center, and no one else will do. You comfort him, feed him, care for him, pray for him, correct him, teach him, and smother him with hugs and kisses.

And in return he gives you smiles and a joy unspeakable. He brings you flowers and weeds picked with dirty chubby fingers. He paints you pictures, and says, "I love you, Mommy," at least twenty times a day. He gives you dirt and bugs and slamming doors and empty glasses of chocolate milk and grace-filled prayers at the dinner table.

And you don't think much about the truth that he was made to leave.

He convinces you that couches are meant to be trampolines, Legos are meant to be stepped on, and everything his hands touch can be fashioned into a gun. He teaches you that milk and cookies are the way to a boy's heart, that and welcoming his rock collection and his pet lizards and excusing the prints he just made on your newly mopped floor.

And as he grows bigger, not only does he open your door, but he continues to open your eyes and your heart to good things, new music, new books, a different way of seeing the world, different, but still grounded in God's truth. You no longer tuck him in, but instead savor late night conversations and smile at his midnight pantry raids.

His pleas to tie his shoes or help put on his coat are long gone, and now he requests  his favorite soup and lets you know you should make pie more often, and "By the way, Mom, you should really read this book, and did you know...?"

It seems like just a moment ago you were scolding him for breaking a treasured tea cup, one you can't even remember well anymore, and you were fixing up a skinned knee and telling him Jesus loves him most of all and teaching him how to read, and now you see a man, and you get choked up because you can't stop thinking about the truth that he was made to leave.

You say it's because you love him so much that you want him to stay, but your heart knows the selfishness of that lie. It's not in holding on but in letting go that you honor what God has made him to do. No longer his Center, you feel a bit lost and wonder where to go, what to do, and you see your place over there, off-stage, to watch this new chapter in his life unfold, to cheer him on, to cover him in prayer.

So you step aside, your heart torn between rejoicing in the man God has made him and wanting just a few more moments of his boyhood (you'd gladly welcome plastic army men scattered everywhere and loud noises and entertain a million interruptions). You pray for wisdom, wisdom to not try to grasp what is no longer yours, wisdom to not try to shove your way back onto center stage, wisdom to repent, wisdom to know your place, wisdom to live out this new chapter for God's glory.

For your heart knows well that your boy, the boy who is now a man, was made to leave, and you love him best by letting go.

With love,
Trisha


***Kudos to the moms who have seamlessly made this transition, no repenting necessary, no struggles and wrestling. But maybe there's one other mom out there like I am. Here's a bit of self talk for us. :)

Mother Hunger and 20 Ways We Create It

"As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you..."

~Isaiah 66:13

Mother hunger. That longing for those affections that only a mother can give. Sometimes we don't even have words for it. We just know it's there.

Mother hunger is nothing new. As long as our sinful natures have been tempting us to find satisfaction in most anything except the duty God has set before us, there has been mother hunger. Our mothers might not have battled spending too much time on Facebook or responding like a Pavlovian dog to answer a cell phone every time it rang, but they might have been tempted to talk on the phone or invest in friendships at the cost of family life. Distractions are nothing new; we're just offered more choices as they take on different forms with each generation.

Here's a haunting description of mother hunger by Ingrid Trobisch:

"One summer evening when I was about twelve, I remember helping mother take down the clean dry sheets from a line strung between a hickory tree and two oaks in our backyard. All at once she stopped between sheets, put her arms around me, and gave me a squeeze. Her open expression of affection felt so good it took me by surprise. Later, when Mother and I were separated by continents, I was often warmed by the scent of fresh linens that brought the memory of her hug.

My mother surely never knew the depth of my mother-hunger. I can only wonder if I realized the depth of her affection. A process of inner healing has to take place for those who feel they've been kept at arm's distance. The expressions of love we long for from our mothers may never materialize in our lifetime."

Let's count some of the ways we keep our children at arm's distance and often create a gulf between our hearts and theirs.

1) Having favorites among our children
2) Being physically absent much of the time
3) Not confessing our sins against our children and asking for forgiveness
4) Often breaking promises
5) Putting friends, ministry, hobbies, talents, etc. before home
6) Not looking our children in the eye when speaking to them
7) Belittling their concerns or troubles
8) Being sharp-tongued and harsh
9) Pushing away their offers of affection and ignoring their need for affection
10) Treating babies like hands-off science projects to be manipulated instead of souls to be shaped
11) Being constantly distracted, noted by saying, "Uh-huh" or "Just a minute" way too much
12) Not communicating love to our children in their favorite ways--i.e. games, back scratches, gifts, reading books, etc.
13) Failing to protect them--in abusive situations and even from the everyday garbage on television and the internet
14) Reminding our children of all that we gave up to be a mother and/or to be at home with them
15) Mothering all of our children in the same way--no such thing as cookie-cutter children!
16) Often saying, "I'm busy right now, " or "We'll do it later," but then never really doing it
17) Habitually expressing criticism and disappointment instead of affirmation
18) Failing to celebrate them in the everyday and on special occasions
19) Viewing them as interruptions or inconveniences
20) Neglecting alone time with them

No, mothers cannot fill that God-shaped hole in their children's lives. But God did give children mothers for a reason. He gave us this magnificent duty of shaping souls for eternity, for His glory, and we don't have to feed on distractions that end up leaving a void in our children's lives. What hope there is in knowing that God will give us all we need to mother intentionally! His grace is sufficient! And the Holy Spirit will keep us in check when we're tempted to let distractions keep us from being there for our children. He will remind us when we need to repent. But we must be paying attention! And because distractions are a lifelong battle, let it be our prayer to be present mind, body, and spirit, for our children and take seriously the sobering and joy-filled task of training them up in the way they should go.

For those who know this mother hunger, God's grace is sufficient for this, too! He comforts us and brings healing to those childhood hurts. But let's not let our knowledge of the grace of God cause us to abuse it in our own lives, dismissing the value of a mother's love and work. Let us be there wholeheartedly for our children and know well the state of our flocks.

"No one can ever replace you in your children's lives. For them, you are the sun, the moon, the whole universe. You are your children's only mother, and if you are too often absent, harried, or preoccupied, they may yearn for you all of their lives."
~Brenda Hunter


With love,
Trisha

Time is a Game

Time is a game played beautifully by children.

~Heraclitus, Fragments

Praising God for the beautiful ways children teach us how to wisely measure our days.

With love,
Trisha

Favorite Reads of 2013, and How I Make Time to Read

1) The Presbyterian Doctrine of Children in the Covenant by Lewis Bevens Schenck: I wish I had read this when my Mountain Man and I were studying paedobaptism. It would have answered so many questions. I remember reading this book early in 2013 and thinking to myself, "I've been duped! We've all been duped! We don't even know our own history, and would so many of us love John Calvin if we really knew what he thought about children and the covenant?" I also declared it my most favorite read of 2013, even before I had read other books. If you're paedobaptist, this is a must read. If you're considering paedobaptism, this is a must read. And if you want to understand your paedobaptist friends, this is a must read.

2) Charity and Its Fruits by Jonathan Edwards: R.C. Sproul counts this among his top ten favorite books, and I understand why. The Holy Spirit used Edwards' exposition of Scripture to expose my own sin of not loving some in my life according to His Word. This book will humble and challenge you and encourage you to examine what 1 Corinthians 13 looks like lived out. It's not an easy read, but go for it anyway. It will give your brain and soul a hearty workout!

3) Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp: This book is heavily marked up, and I have sticky notes throughout. This is a parenting book. This is a marriage book. This is an everything book. To think that we are instruments in our Redeemer's hands to offer grace and encourage change in others' lives is astounding. "Receiving grace means becoming a conduit of grace to others."

4) The Road by Cormac McCarthy: I have to push myself to read fiction outside of what I read with my children, but I'm getting better. Ink has been after me for a long time to read The Road. I finally did and wondered why I waited so long. My son can convince you to add this to your list with much more eloquence than I can--3 Reasons You Should Read The Road.

5) With Love, Edith by Edith Schaeffer: Reading this collection of letters by Edith Schaeffer was like sitting at a table with her and having her share her life and years of wisdom from walking with the Lord. It took me 4 months to finish this first volume, and I was left encouraged by her faith and trust in the Lord to provide for all of their needs. It was also sobering to read of her son, Franky, and what I perceived as a diluted diligence in parenting him, knowing that he has left the faith. I'm currently reading her second collection, Dear Family, and enjoying it every bit as much.

6) The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer: I LOVE this book! Such encouragement to care for our homes and our family to the glory of God. I disagreed with Edith (she's the kind of person you want to call by her first name) on a few points, but appreciated the rich life she sets forth for the homemaker. Read this one and love your family well in the details of ordinary life, life made beautiful by the many ways He gives us to use our talents for His glory.

7) Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot: In our days of androgyny and egalitarianism, this book is a must read. Let us not lose sight of the truth that God made man and woman, and we are different. An important book to read with your daughters.

8) When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch: I read this last year at a time when I was struggling with some issues involving social media. My fear of man loomed large, and this book was extremely helpful in exposing that sin and encouraging me to fix my eyes on Christ and fear God alone. One of my favorite quotes from Welch is, "The fear of the Lord simplifies life."

Finally, I'm sometimes asked how I find time to read. The truth is that I don't "find" time. When I look at my daily schedule, I don't see an open slot for sitting down with a good book. There is always something else to do that calls me away from reading, so I have to make time, and it's challenging. Did I mention that it's challenging? As a homeschooling mom, I'm reading a lot with my children, which means I have to work extra hard to set aside time to read things on my own, especially with the amazing blessing of little people running about the house. But my daily goal, which I often don't reach, is this: 15 minutes in the morning after my Bible reading, 15 minutes in the afternoon, and 30 minutes before going to bed. That provides an hour a day of reading. 

If most of us counted the minutes we use watching television or reading blogs or visiting Facebook or Twitter, I'm pretty sure we'd come up with at least an extra 30 minutes a day to read a good book. The availability of shallow reading via our phones or iPads, etc. deceives us into thinking we just don't have time. The truth is, we have to be willing to give up the easier things in order to reap the benefits of intentional living. We have to purge our days of excuses and make reading a habit.

Much love,
Trisha


**My encouragement to read is nestled in the assumption that you are already spending time daily in the Word. If not, of course that should be the priority over any other thing you might read. :) And obviously, there are always EXTREME cases of life that would prevent one from having any time to pick up a book. I'm not addressing those exceptions.

A Reminder About Planning for 2014--Psalm 23, Antithesis

Hi Friends! I've been hibernating a bit, enjoying our Christmas and New Year's celebrations, pondering God's goodness and my lack of trust, taking a break from Facebook, enjoying Instagram more and more, and planning for 2014.

I'll be late to the party, I know, but I'm still planning to share my favorite books from 2013, my "word" for 2014, our 2014 Family Focus, some recipes, and even some Christmas photos! :)

This Friday night we'll have our annual book list meeting and then on Saturday, we'll gather to discuss our goals for this new year. It's tempting to lose our sense of "rest" in the midst of living life intentionally for His glory, so I thought this poem would be a good reminder for us all.


"Psalm 23, Antithesis" 

The clock is my dictator, I shall not rest.

It makes me lie down only when exhausted.

It leads me to deep depression. 

It hounds my soul. 

It leads me in circles of frenzy for activity’s sake. Even though I run frantically

from task to task, I will never get it all done, For my “ideal” is with me. 

Deadlines and my need for approval,

they drive me. 

They demand performance from me,

beyond the limits of my schedule. 

They anoint my head with migraines. My in-basket overflows. 

Surely fatigue and time pressure shall

follow me all the days of my life, 

And I will dwell in the bonds of frustration forever.

~Marcia K. Hornok

Make big plans for this year or simply resolve to be faithful in your ordinary but very significant duties. Be intentional about how you spend your time. But remember in the midst of all of your planning, that we make our plans, but He directs our steps, and because of this truth, we can REST in the midst of the undone, our failures, and the unexpected!

With love,

Trisha