5 Stumbling Blocks to Obeying God's Will

Lately I've been pondering life changes and wrestling with difficult circumstances and understanding God's will. And though some things are still unclear, and fear keeps creeping in, I understand a bit better why our decision making  gets so tangled.

1) God's will doesn't always feel good. We're in deep with the world and its belief that we should only do what feels good. But, as Christians, we're still at war with our flesh, which means obedience brings resistance. It feels good to obey God when His plans line up with ours, but what about when His will means the surrendering of our hopes and dreams?

2) Some of our friends will tempt us to take the road often traveled. This is the friend who cares more about comfort and ease than about sanctification. This is the friend who lives in "deserve" mode. Life is all about deserving a break, not about dying to self. She'll list your many sacrifices, as though sanctification is accomplished in 10 Easy Lessons instead of a lifetime of daily taking up one's cross.

3) We equate obeying God's will with a "good outcome". After Paul is blinded on the road to Damascus, and Ananias is told to minister to him, God declares that He is going to share with Paul the things he will suffer in Christ's name. The things he will suffer. He didn't say, "Paul has obeyed, and there will now be no hard days or challenges or pain." Obeying God does bring blessing, but it's not always the blessings we think of. Obedience doesn't always bring reconciliation or peace or more money or a bigger house or less difficult people in our lives. Sometimes the blessing is the gift of resting in the joy that you are honoring God and being made more like Christ even when everything around you is unpleasant or downright hard.

4) Our hearts are deceitful. I've sometimes clearly known God's will about something, not because I had a vision in the night, but because I read His Word and cried out to Him in prayer, and yet, I still resist doing it. My heart whispers that I must be the exception and the surely God wouldn't want me to have to work so hard. My heart lists all the reasons I can't obey, when the truth is that I don't want to obey. Perhaps our struggle with knowing is more of a struggle with obeying.

5) We leave no room for faith and trust.  My life is one big Ebenezer of God's providing in the most unexpected ways. And yet, I'm still tempted to listen to the naysayers who plan everything out and have no time for faith and trust. They think they're simply being prudent, yet all of their plan-making is often a cover for not believing God will wisely direct their paths. How does our faith and trust increase if we never take that step into the unknown? Why do we cry out for daily bread, but put our confidence in the world's wisdom or our preparations or our bank account?

The good news is that God is faithful to give us wisdom when we cry out for it. We have His word right before us, and we have His ear. And though obedience might not bring joy and peace right away, the surrender eventually becomes sweet, and we're able to praise Him for keeping us from leaning on our own understanding.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5,6)

With love,
Trisha

So Much Home-Work

Spiritual pride is very apt to suspect others; whereas a humble saint is most jealous of himself; he is so suspicious of nothing in the world as he is of his own heart. The spiritually proud person is apt to find fault with other saints, that they are low in grace, and to be much in observing how cold and dead they be, and crying out of them for it; and to be quick to discern and to take notice of their deficiencies: but the eminently humble Christian has so much to do at home, and sees so much evil in his own heart, and is so concerned about it, that he is not apt to be very busy with others' hearts; he complains most of himself, and cries out of his own coldness and lowness in grace, and is apt to esteem others better than himself.
~Jonathan Edwards

Before He Leaves

She rises up 

as morning breaks

She moves among these rooms alone 

Before we wake

And her heart is so full

It overflows

She waters us with love

And the children grow

So many years from now

Long after we are gone

These trees will spread their branches out

And bless the dawn.

~Andrew Peterson, "Planting Trees"

******

I wasn't listening very well when older and wiser Mamas shared how hard the leaving would be. Perhaps as in so many cases, I thought I'd be the exception, or perhaps I simply didn't know how quickly my time would come.

His fingerprints disappeared from our walls a long time ago, and as I write this, I have approximately 63 days left with Ink. He'll start a new chapter of his life, in a different state, with beloved friends of ours. God-willing, he'll return for one last Thanksgiving and then pack up his belongings and move to the place where he'll set up his own first home.

I have a countdown clock on my computer and an ever-growing to-do list. Now, don't think me morbid; these are simply tools to help me redeem the time.

A few of the things to do before he leaves?

1) Bake more fruity snacks--pies, muffins, scones.
2) Purchase fine stationery to write him letters while he's away.
3) Take one last family picture with him.
4) Have him inscribe all of the books he's given me.
5) Send a list of his favorite things to the dear family who will be spoiling  hosting him.
6) Buy a photo album and fill it with pictures of us.
7) Watch as many movies as he wants me to over the next couple of months.
8) Snatch as many hugs as he'll let me over the next couple of months.
9) Make his favorite meals, such as seafood chowder, barbecue ribs, stuffed peppers.
10) Schedule dental cleaning.
11) Focus on any last-minute life skills.
12) Measure his height on the door jamb one last time.
13) Take a picture of him standing next to the tree we planted for him in our front yard.
14) Have his siblings write love notes to him.
15) Make a list of care package items to send him.
16) Take one last family trip together.

Samuel Johnson said, "Value is more frequently raised by scarcity than by use. That which lay neglected when it was common, rises in estimation as its quantity becomes less. We seldom learn the true want of what we have till it is discovered that we can have no more. ... There are few things, not purely evil, of which we can say, without some emotion of uneasiness: This is the last." 

How happy we are for Ink, as God has answered our prayers abundantly, in ways we could not have imagined. The leaving is on good terms and is for the embracing of good things. And yet, my heart thinks much about the "lasts" of these days, and how the leaving of one family member shifts the entire dynamic of our daily living.

As I was making my list, I was deeply grateful that there were some things I didn't need to add. These are the things that God, in his grace, has kept me doing over these past 18 years. I don't have to scramble to teach Ink about God or the Bible or the Gospel or walking in wisdom's way. I don't have to teach him to work out his salvation with fear and trembling or give thanks to God for His mercies or to repent and forgive. No doubt, we're always growing in these areas, and Ink will be challenged and afflicted as the Holy Spirit faithfully makes him more like Jesus, and there are certainly things I wish we could do over as his parents, BUT, the foundation has been laid.

Don't give up, my fellow Mamas. It's so easy to forget about eternity and live only for now. But one day you will reap the beautiful fruit of faithfulness and obedience or the rotten fruit of a life lived unto Self instead of unto Him. And though nothing is impossible with God, and He brings the prodigals home, why not be the best steward this very day and the next and the next, of these precious souls He's given you, praying that when the leaving comes, it comes with joy and thanksgiving.

With love,
Trisha

Always Second Guessing

"Strong passions without a settled judgment, commonly produce weak resolutions."

~Matthew Henry

"Thoughts ripened into resolves by serious consideration are likely to be 
kept always in the imagination of the heart, whereas what is soon ripe is soon rotten."
~Matthew Henry

*****

You've been having family worship for a long time now. It's crazy sometimes, but in a world that encourages family members to live independently of one another and to forget the One who gives them every good thing, this concentrated family time of singing and prayer and Bible reading ties heartstrings and keeps you focused on eternity.

Then you read THE article. The one telling you that there's nothing in the Bible that commands us to have family worship. It's enough to talk with your children about the Christian life throughout the day.

You've finally settled into daily times of Bible reading and prayer. You're amazed at how much you hunger for the Word now, and even on those mornings when your start is slow, you're thankful for the habit you've made to hear His words first.

Then you read THE article. How silly for Christians to put themselves in such bondage to a completely unscriptural principle as the "quiet time." Free yourself!

You love to care for your home. You delight in the smell of homemade bread and watching little people rush to devour the work of your hands. You linger over a freshly cleaned kitchen, and you're amazed at your daughter's skill with a sewing machine.

Then you read THE article. The one that mocks mothers in their aprons making homemade bread, accusing them of forgetting grace and looking to the domestic arts for their salvation. Don't you know salvation is by grace, not by a Kitchen-Aid mixer?

Though many of these articles focus on a legalistic attachment to some of the things we do, all too often, we interpret them as a solid case AGAINST a practice or perspective. We worry that we've been wrong to have family worship all of this time (and actually teach our children that they should do this with their families), or train our children in the habit of independent time in the Word each day, or bake our own bread while wearing an apron. 

This is why it's essential to know why we do what we do and to teach the WHY to our children. When our practices are not thought out, but are rather the product of what's trending on the internet or in books or magazines, we're building our lives on a shaky foundation that crumbles in the presence of any opposing views. We find ourselves habitually changing course and chronically second-guessing everything we do. What kind of legacy is that to pass on to our children? 

Second-guessing is an inherent complication of information overload. It's the result of having too many opinions in our faces, and our relying too much on others to think for us.

It's not so much a reflection of a teachable spirit, but instead the consequence of lazy reasoning. Because we haven't thought our practices through, we're easily swayed by the next eloquent writer who comes along, being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine or some woman's declaration of "freedom" from ____________ (fill in the blank).

Instead of spending more time second-guessing everything we're doing, from family worship to quiet times to modest dress and more, let's spend time making sure we know WHY we do what we do. Let's dig deep in the Word and think through our principles and convictions and preferences. And then confidently, without apology, teach them to our children.


With love,
Trisha

It Doesn't Come Naturally~9 Ways to Teach Our Children Contentment

Shakespeare said, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!" It's true. If there's one sin in my own children's lives that tempts me to sin, it is ingratitude. "Look at all that God has done for you!" "How can you be so ungrateful, murmuring about what you don't have while forgetting the bounty of His goodness?"

And I'd like them to master contentment in five easy lessons. 

But here I am still learning it myself, as evidenced by the ease with which I think hard thoughts of God or forget yesterday's mercies or dismiss today's provision. 

We work hard to teach our children many things, and yet, we forget that contentment must be learned, too. It is a lifelong battle, for surely as the Holy Spirit has sanctified us in one area, and we've made our peace with a trial or an illness or another thorn in our side, He will faithfully show us other ways in which we are thankless children of God. We complain about our children's complaining and then throw those quiet temper tantrums in our hearts because God is not doing what we think is best for us.

"Do not indulge, any of you, the silly notion that you can be contented without learning, or learn without discipline; it is not a power that may be exercised naturally, but a science to be acquired gradually!"

~C. H. Spurgeon

So, how do we teach our children contentment, remembering it's just the beginning of a lifetime of learning?

Pray for them. Pray for wisdom and blessing on our efforts. Pray for patience and mercy and lovingkindness to clothe our correction.

Consistently discipline their murmurings and disputings, being mindful not to reward their discontentment.

Teach them to treasure our correction of them and the Lord's chastisement.

Guard against all kinds of complaining, including complaints about the weather and the traffic and the spilled milk and those many "little" things we think excuse our murmurings. Confess our own struggles with discontentment and repent to them when necessary.

Instruct them in the Word and in prayer.What does God say about murmuring? What happened to those who indulged in this sin? Have them hide Scriptures in their hearts that will help them fight the temptation to complain. Teach them to battle this sin on their knees.

Teach them about God's sovereignty, and the truth that He is always doing us good. Teach them with words, but mostly with how we submit to His will for our own lives.

Refrain from manipulating circumstances so that our children are never unhappy or without.

Teach them the discipline of habits and mastering Self and cheerfully choosing to do those things they don't want to do, including chores and math lessons.

Model gratitude by counting God's mercies together. Write them down. Read over them again and again. Celebrate them.

With love,
Trisha

The Cutting Fields

I'm not sure how much of my nose I'll have left when I'm 60. I'd prefer to keep all of it, but skin cancer seems to have a claim, and it's an opponent I have yet to conquer.

When I was a child, I was sometimes told I had a "pug" nose, so I added it to my list of "Those Things I Wish God Had Done Differently." But my thoughts changed when the doctor started cutting bits of it away. Suddenly my nose was most beautiful, and I desperately wanted to keep it. 

Even now, there's a cancer growing there. I've known about it for several months, buy I'm too chickenhearted to go under the knife again. My fear and vanity run deeper than this cancer. Those bright lights, the scalpel, the anesthesia wearing off before the cutting is done, the infection they tell you rarely happens (but it happened to you), the disfigurement, the tears, the sometimes months of healing--you don't forget them too soon, and the second time is only worse because now you know what to expect. 

And no doubt the fact that my last biopsy went a bit wrong has something to do with my denial and delay. It's not cool when the doctor misses a spot and cuts healthy tissue. But it happens.

Doctors misdiagnose. They prescribe the wrong medicine and misjudge the dosing. They cut more than is necessary just to be safe. They often guess at what's wrong with you. 

But how much good they do, too! I'm thankful for the skilled surgeon who has delivered my babies. I'm thankful for the skilled surgeon who put a bar in Ink's chest and then removed it years later. I'm thankful for the skilled surgeon who preserved Luke's eyesight. Yes. For all the mistakes, doctors do good, and we put ourselves under their care, knowing they're fallible.

In the flesh, my body is a cutting field. My back, my arm, my forehead, my nose--they've all seen the knife and there are scars to show it.

And my soul is one, too. 

God is that Master-Pruner. Everyday He's cutting away at those things that don't honor Him. It's painful, and He doesn't give me treatment options.

He doesn't need to. His cuts are perfect. The right spot. The right amount. The right timing. No guessing. No overdosing. No "oops, I'm so sorry. I needed to cut away at your unteachable spirit, but instead I hacked away at _______."

Perfect pruning.

And just like those surgeons who get the cutting right, God is doing me good. But the difference is that He is doing good all of the time.

Still, I fight it. I forget it. I resist His methods and His means--the difficult people, the interruptions in my day, the disappointments, the losses, the unkind words, disobedient children, rude drivers, broken appliances, the struggle to keep walking in His ways. And, I often tell Him with my murmuring and unsubmissive spirit what I'm saying when I refuse to deal with this cancer on my face--I'd rather stay this way. I'd rather have this cancer grow and require more cutting, and, "By the way, dear God, I'd rather you not make me more like Jesus."

Yep. I have trust issues. And pride issues.

But He'll also cut away at those, whether I want Him to or not. 

And He'll do it perfectly.

Thanks be to God.

With love,

Trisha

A Little Bit of Shame Would Be Good

There's an "Intimacy Challenge" making its rounds on the internet. 10 straight days of sex is the goal.

It's being called an "Intimacy Challenge" so it sounds a bit more refined and respectable than that Sexperiment stuff some pastor did some time ago. But really???  I want to know what books you're reading and what great things God is doing in your life. But I don't want to know, nor do I need to know, how often you're having sex. And if you're having problems in this area, talk to your pastor or another 3D someone who can offer you counsel and encouragement.

Can you imagine these conversations around the dinner table?

"Well, son, how are things going with you and your bride?"
"Great, Dad. We're doing that 10 day intimacy challenge. 10 straight days of sex."

Or how about chatting about it in the foyer at church:

"How's your week been, Sally?"
 "Oh, terrific. John and I are having 10 straight days of sex."

Would you not think these conversations a bit out of place? Indiscreet? And yet, we're willing to broadcast such things to an even greater audience on social media.

Go ahead. Call me a prude, but my objection isn't because I think sex is dirty; it's because I know it's not. It is sacred and beautiful and not meant to be set up as a 10 day challenge for all the world to see. And the fact that men are not better keepers of the sacredness of this area of their marriages, seen in the writing of a blog post (which I've chosen not to link here) and in the "liking" on Facebook, and "I'm in!" illustrate how backwards it all is.

Shame is being aware that something is improper or ridiculous or dishonorable, and public challenges like this are exactly that because the marriage bed is SO honorable.

Theodore Dalrymple's thoughts are quite timely: "No one seems to have noticed, however, that a loss of a sense of shame means a loss of privacy; a loss of privacy means a loss of intimacy; and a loss of intimacy means a loss of depth. There is, in fact, no better way to produce shallow and superficial people than to let them live their lives entirely in the open, without concealment of anything."

With love,
Trisha

Christless Leisure

To Awaken Them All With Love

Here's a lovely and encouraging piece from John Piper about rising early and fighting that temptation for a bit more sleep, a bit more slumber. What a priceless gift we give our families when we feed our own souls and commune with our Lord, covering our loved ones in prayer.

God, I’m tired. Help me. Please open my eyes so I can see wonders in your word. O God. Mighty God! Maker of heaven and earth and all the galaxies of the universe. That you should lend an ear to me in this little room half awake. That you should occupy yourself with me while millions of your people pray and all the while you hold New York and Tokyo and Paris in the palm of your hand. That you should call this tempted flesh the temple of the Holy Spirit. That you speak to me from off this page as personally and powerfully as though you sat here on the couch and talked. O God, what condescension. What unutterable mercy to attend to a little ant like me. Help me believe, O God, and feel this truth: that all my hairs are numbered. Why are you downcast, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.

“And now my wife, Lord. Thank you for her. Protect her from harm and from the evil one. Give her joy in the ministry with me. Waken her this morning with a song of praise in her heart and on her lips. Give her vision for service in this neighborhood. Incline her heart to the word and not to getting gain. Fill her with your Spirit—of wisdom and joy and righteousness. Make her a wise and happy mother. O bind our hearts together as you bind our hearts to yours.”

“And finally, my sons. Even in their sleep, Lord, turn their hearts to you. And when I wake them with your word, sow that seed in humble, open soil. And send its roots down to the inner heart and make an oak of faith. O Christ, take my sons for your servants. Obliterate rebellion from their hearts. And may they grow to godly manhood, full of love to you and love to men. Let them not love the world, nor give a hoot for things or praise. But may your glory be their passion day and night until the Kingdom comes.

The grandfather’s clock gives half the Westminster chime. It is 6:30. My heart is full. My eyes are open. My faith is alive. My joy is warm. My conscience is still. My hope is strong. I will awaken them all with love!

~John Piper

Be sure to read the entire article here.

With love,

Trisha

For Most People

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly

 loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, 

kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." 

Colossians 3:12

"Our love ought also to be patient. Our neighbor may 

have his faults—but we are taught to

 bear with one another's infirmities.

If we knew the story of men's
lives, the hidden loads and burdens which they are
often carrying, 

 the unhealed sore in their heart—we
would have most gentle patience with them. 

Life is hard for most people,

 certainly hard enough without
our adding to its burdens by our censoriousness, our
unkindness, our jeering and contempt.

~J.R. Miller

May you praise God today for all those He's given you to bear your burdens, those who weep with you and rejoice with you, those with whom you share your deepest struggles, those who faithfully show you the love of Christ, whether you're on the mountain or in the valley, those who carry you with their prayers and good words and kind deeds.

And may God grant us all that extra dose of patience, by His grace, to love and bear with those in our lives who challenge us, frustrate us, and sometimes even discourage us. When we're tempted to discard them, to be rid of them because they are thorns in our sides, because they are difficult and demanding, may we soften their hard lines and ease their heavy burdens with the sweet aroma of Christ in us. 

With love,

Trisha

Mother Hunger and 20 Ways We Create It

"As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you..."

~Isaiah 66:13

Mother hunger. That longing for those affections that only a mother can give. Sometimes we don't even have words for it. We just know it's there.

Mother hunger is nothing new. As long as our sinful natures have been tempting us to find satisfaction in most anything except the duty God has set before us, there has been mother hunger. Our mothers might not have battled spending too much time on Facebook or responding like a Pavlovian dog to answer a cell phone every time it rang, but they might have been tempted to talk on the phone or invest in friendships at the cost of family life. Distractions are nothing new; we're just offered more choices as they take on different forms with each generation.

Here's a haunting description of mother hunger by Ingrid Trobisch:

"One summer evening when I was about twelve, I remember helping mother take down the clean dry sheets from a line strung between a hickory tree and two oaks in our backyard. All at once she stopped between sheets, put her arms around me, and gave me a squeeze. Her open expression of affection felt so good it took me by surprise. Later, when Mother and I were separated by continents, I was often warmed by the scent of fresh linens that brought the memory of her hug.

My mother surely never knew the depth of my mother-hunger. I can only wonder if I realized the depth of her affection. A process of inner healing has to take place for those who feel they've been kept at arm's distance. The expressions of love we long for from our mothers may never materialize in our lifetime."

Let's count some of the ways we keep our children at arm's distance and often create a gulf between our hearts and theirs.

1) Having favorites among our children
2) Being physically absent much of the time
3) Not confessing our sins against our children and asking for forgiveness
4) Often breaking promises
5) Putting friends, ministry, hobbies, talents, etc. before home
6) Not looking our children in the eye when speaking to them
7) Belittling their concerns or troubles
8) Being sharp-tongued and harsh
9) Pushing away their offers of affection and ignoring their need for affection
10) Treating babies like hands-off science projects to be manipulated instead of souls to be shaped
11) Being constantly distracted, noted by saying, "Uh-huh" or "Just a minute" way too much
12) Not communicating love to our children in their favorite ways--i.e. games, back scratches, gifts, reading books, etc.
13) Failing to protect them--in abusive situations and even from the everyday garbage on television and the internet
14) Reminding our children of all that we gave up to be a mother and/or to be at home with them
15) Mothering all of our children in the same way--no such thing as cookie-cutter children!
16) Often saying, "I'm busy right now, " or "We'll do it later," but then never really doing it
17) Habitually expressing criticism and disappointment instead of affirmation
18) Failing to celebrate them in the everyday and on special occasions
19) Viewing them as interruptions or inconveniences
20) Neglecting alone time with them

No, mothers cannot fill that God-shaped hole in their children's lives. But God did give children mothers for a reason. He gave us this magnificent duty of shaping souls for eternity, for His glory, and we don't have to feed on distractions that end up leaving a void in our children's lives. What hope there is in knowing that God will give us all we need to mother intentionally! His grace is sufficient! And the Holy Spirit will keep us in check when we're tempted to let distractions keep us from being there for our children. He will remind us when we need to repent. But we must be paying attention! And because distractions are a lifelong battle, let it be our prayer to be present mind, body, and spirit, for our children and take seriously the sobering and joy-filled task of training them up in the way they should go.

For those who know this mother hunger, God's grace is sufficient for this, too! He comforts us and brings healing to those childhood hurts. But let's not let our knowledge of the grace of God cause us to abuse it in our own lives, dismissing the value of a mother's love and work. Let us be there wholeheartedly for our children and know well the state of our flocks.

"No one can ever replace you in your children's lives. For them, you are the sun, the moon, the whole universe. You are your children's only mother, and if you are too often absent, harried, or preoccupied, they may yearn for you all of their lives."
~Brenda Hunter


With love,
Trisha

If The Lord Gave You Nothing But Troubles

If the Lord gave you nothing but troubles, then, I think, there might be some justification in dwelling so much upon them. But since there are so many mercies, would not it be wisdom to tell your friends, sometimes, all about those mercies with a sparkling eye and say, “They were manifold mercies. There was fold upon fold. See the goodness of the Lord in this thing. He sent that mercy just when I needed it—just when I most required it—and it came to me in such a beautiful way, too, and it was delivered to me by the very person that made it most acceptable. The way in which the gift was bestowed so sweetened it that I do not know how to praise the Lord enough for it.”

Oh, if only I heard Christians often saying one to another, “Have you heard what the Lord has done for me? Sit down a little while and let me fill your ears with the sweet tale of His loving kindnesses and His tender mercies.” Is not this justice? Bare justice? If you will harp on your sorrows, you should, in a better sense, harp on your joys and bring out the best harp with all its ten strings—and touch all those strings with praise to Him who has done so much for you!

~C. H. Spurgeon

What's Best for Our Souls

My family and I have been making a certain request to the Lord for over two years. Last week He answered. And the answer was "no", or at least, "not right now."

And even though I know so well the truth of His providential care of us, that He is always doing what is best, this answer felt like a kick in the gut. I had put too much hope in a "yes" answer instead of in God Himself.

The Lord is our Shepherd, and He leads us in the paths of righteousness, not leaving us to ourselves. What a mercy this is, even though we are often clueless about His ways.

One of my favorite books of 2013 was Stephen Altrogge's The Greener Grass Conspiracy. In this passage, he reminds us that it is God who knows what is best for our souls:

In Psalm 23:2-3 David says of the Lord, "He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake." Notice that David doesn't say, "I plot the best course for my life. I am the captain of my ship. I will go wherever my heart desires." David realizes that God is his shepherd, his captain, his leader. God will lead him to places of rest. God will restore his soul. God will lead him in righteousness.

We're convinced that a particular thing will bring peace, order, and restoration to our souls. We look around, and we see other people who have what we want, and they look so happy. They skip down the street holding the hands of their little children. They gaze into the eyes of their lovers. They smile as they mow the lawn of their new five-bedroom, four-bath, three-car-garage house. Meanwhile, our lives seem so whacked out and dysfunctional.

But we really don't know what's best for our souls. If God allowed us to follow our own plans, we wouldn't end up on the paths of righteousness that lead to still waters. We would end up in empty, barren wastelands of sin and destruction. God is the one who restores our soul. Sometimes he restores us by giving us what we desire, and sometimes he restores us by withholding it. In either case we can be assured that God knows the best path for us and that He'll lead us on that path.

With love,
Trisha

For Mothers of Sons: Training Up Holy Husbands

"Where are the holy men of God willing to shoulder the full responsibility of manhood, to take the risks and make the sacrifices of courting and winning a wife, marrying her and fathering children in obedience to the command to be fruitful? While the Church has been blessed by men willing to remain single for the sake of the Kingdom (and I do not regard lightly such men who are seriously called), isn't it obvious that God calls most men to marriage?"

~Elisabeth Elliot, Keep a Quiet Heart

******

It's a good thing to remember, dear Mamas, that the little boy in the highchair, the one just learning to feed himself or walk or put Lego pieces together, will one day be a man, and most likely, a husband. Are we teaching them with this in mind? Do we imagine what kind of husband the fruit of our labors, by God's grace, might design? Matthew Henry reminds us that "every action is seed sown." What seeds are we sowing in our sons' lives to encourage them to one day be godly husbands and fathers?

Are we training our boys to be strong, to do their duties without murmuring and disputing? Are we selfishly coddling them and babying them so that they remain our "babies" even when they're young men? (Mothers seem especially prone to doing this with their last male child.) Do we encourage them to stick with what is known and safe, or do we cheer them on as they try new things and face defeat and discouragement?

Are we creating men who will make excuses at every turn for why they can't get a job done, as we say, "It's ok, son," and finish the job for them? Are we training up cowards who would hide behind a woman or men who will lay down their lives second by second for their wives?

Have we gotten lazy in our discipline so that our sons walk in the flesh without consequence and establish habits that will be their undoing or their family's undoing? What are we teaching them about marriage? Do we complain about our spouses or remind our sons, with much regret, of all we've given up? Or do we model repentance and forgiveness and perseverance and joy?

Are we teaching them to have a vision for marriage and family and such responsibilities, or are we encouraging them to live for Self and pursue dreams that stunt their maturity and leave them shunning commitment?

Is Christ our all in all, or have we taught them that our Christianity is just one option among many, a great crutch to have in times of trouble, perhaps, but surely nothing to live or die for? Are we grounding them in the Word, so that they're not taken captive by every false wind of doctrine, so that they know that love doesn't conquer theological differences in a marriage, that light and darkness cannot dwell together in unity?

The questions go on and on, and there are many good ones to ask. May God keep us focused and give us the grace to mindfully train up sons who will be the "holy men of God" and pursue holy women of God and make holy families of God.

With love,
Trisha


**Yes! We should be just as mindful about training up our daughters to be godly wives, but that's not what I'm addressing here. And yes, Dads play a huge part in training up sons, but I'm speaking to the moms and their influence. And yes, there are exceptions, but exceptions shouldn't determine the norm or keep us from embracing the norm.

The Art of Living

"The art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."

~Havelock Ellis

We've been soaking up the joy of having so much snow, and we're enjoying cozy days at home, thankful for God's provision of heat and good food and many answered prayers.

And we are thrilled to announce the courtship of our dear Ink and his lovely girl, Allie. Such an exciting season of life this is for them and for us, and we are deeply grateful to the Lord for this amazing gift. 

So much living going on here. So many seasons of life intertwined. It makes me all the more thankful that God is good, and God is great.

 Claire so happy after Emma braids her hair.

Corey and Allie. Their story is so magical to me. Maybe one day they'll share how God brought them together.

 I never tire of seeing the sun rise or set here in the desert.

 Elijah's "I'm so excited!" look, after he noticed the presents on the table.

 Hugs...

 That Baby Animals book was simply shocking.

 I love finding little army men in the oddest places.

 These feet just keep growing.

Claire's in there somewhere. How thankful we are for so much snow in the past few weeks!

 One of our resident bunnies.

 Cozy home and comfort food

The Myth of the Disqualified Mama

A mother once told me she couldn't correct a great sin in her child's life because she herself committed that sin. Our conversation reminded me that our past sins are often chains that weigh us down. They bind us to parent from fear or guilt instead of from His Word. Satan uses our past to convince us we have no authority to teach our children His truths, whispering that we're only hypocrites if we tell our children not to do the very things we once did. He convinces us that ALL children do such and such or that ALL teenagers go through phases of rebellion and defiance. In other words, he affords us excuse after excuse to neglect our duties as parents. 

Yet, our struggles with past sins should encourage us all the more to parent intentionally, with much focus and vigor and grace and truth. We express the depths of our gratitude to the Lord for redeeming our own lives when we faithfully disciple the children He has given us.

I married an unbeliever. Praise God for His mercy in saving my husband. But, there are still consequences of beginning a marriage as an unequally yoked bride and groom. And this is why I can especially explain to our children that light and darkness cannot dwell together in unity.

It is because we have chosen foolishly at times, have walked in the power of the flesh instead of the power of the Spirit, that we are very qualified to warn our children of the danger of leaving His paths of righteousness. So, use those past sins for His glory and walk in thanksgiving for the life God has given you, teaching your children well.

If, then, you would deal wisely with your child, you must not leave him to the guidance of his own will. Think for him, judge for him, act for him, just as you would for one weak and blind. But for pity’s sake, give him not up to his own wayward tastes and inclinations. It must not be his likings and wishes that are consulted. He knows not yet what is good for his mind and soul any more than what is good for his body. You do not let him decide what he shall eat, what he shall drink, and how he shall be clothed. Be consistent, and deal with his mind in like manner. Train him in the way that is Scriptural and right and not in the way that he fancies.

~J. C. Ryle

Much love,

Trisha

A Month of Thanksgiving~He'd Be Proud and Thankful

When I was making wedding plans, my Dad said, "You're getting married? You can't even make a pot of rice, but you're getting married?"

I certainly wasn't Susie Homemaker when I walked down that aisle. I've learned much along the way.

And learning to cook was a delightful way to prove my Dad wrong. Whenever he'd come visit us, I would thoughtfully prepare the menu, making sure it included comfort foods he'd love. You couldn't have given me a million dollars for the times I heard him say, "Mmm. That was good. I'll take more of that." No. His compliments were priceless, and it pleased my heart to know I had given him a bit of joy at the supper table.

I made my first homemade pie on Sunday. Apple, of course. It turned out wonderfully. I surprised myself, and I couldn't help thinking of my Dad and how much I wish he could have tasted this little wonder. I think he would have been proud...and maybe even have given me some tips.

There are lots of things I'm sure my Dad worried about when it came to my life. His enthusiasm waned a bit more with each baby announcement. Would I be ok? Would we all be ok? Could we manage?

But I know my Dad's biggest concerns were whether we'd faithfully be part of a church. Whether we'd stay grounded in the Word. Whether we'd honor Him with our lives. And that concern didn't come from a man who lived perfectly. It came from the heart of a man who knew well the struggle of doing what we don't want to do and not doing what we should.

Today is his birthday, and it's a good gift to have memories of my Dad around my dinner table. Memories of him playing chess with Ink and Jake. Memories of his laugh. Memories of his leaning over his Bible with a lighted magnifying glass just so He could read the Word each day. How sweet to have used that very tool last night to get a splinter out of Little's Bit's foot.

It's tempting to romanticize our memories of a loved one who is no longer with us. But for some of us, waxing sentimental over the past only diminishes the amazing power of the Gospel. My dad was a great sinner who needed a great, great Savior. He saw up close that horrifying truth that our hearts are desperately wicked, and unless the Holy Spirit opens our eyes and changes our hearts, we are hopeless creatures.

Yes. I'd love to have my Dad around my table one more time, to have him taste the work of my hands and a gift from my heart, to hear him say, "That's good." But what would be even more beautiful is to have him sit with us and see how good the Lord has been to us, how He has kept us, kept us living upon His grace moment by moment, kept us faithfully walking in His ways and in repentance, kept us in the love and fear of Him as He shows us we can do none of this on our own.

I think he'd be proud, and I know he'd be thankful.

Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you.

With love,
Trisha

A Month of Thanksgiving~He Still Thinks I'm Beautiful

When my Mountain Man and I were dating (yeah, we did that), I remember sitting in the car with him and realizing that he was just staring at me. I would shift a bit, blush, and then ask him what he was doing. And he would state the obvious with a few more words, which I won't share here because it would only make me blush again (and I know you can see that, right?), and it's a bit embarrassing, because I still look in the mirror and wonder what he's seeing.

But, he thought I was beautiful, and he told me so.

27 years and lots of gravitational-pull later, he still thinks I'm beautiful.

27 years.
13 pregnancies.
9 babies.
8 c-sections.
Skin cancer.

And he still thinks I'm beautiful.

In a world where 50 year old women often look like they're 30, where their bodies have been carefully preserved like fine pieces of china, and their souls have been neglected--no evidence of giving life or laughing much or eating one too many scones, no evidence of living a bit or living a lot--it's hard for women to see what their husbands see.

But, I'm convinced that one thing that makes us most beautiful to our husbands is simply believing that they really do find us beautiful, and then loving and responding to them with that belief.

The beautiful woman doesn't pull away when her husband embraces her or hide from him or make an inventory of her physical flaws when he compliments her. She rests in the grace that God has poured out on her marriage. She gratefully welcomes God's gift of a faithful husband who delights in her, even now.

The beautiful woman remembers that God has done a work on her soul and that work is beautiful. The beautiful woman remembers that the trials and hardships of marriage have reaped a deep and faithful connection with her Beloved that Botox or face peels or tummy tucks could never buy. The beautiful woman remembers that the wrinkles on her face and the wear on her body are the fruit of a live lived with the One with whom God has made her one.

Yes. Every day it's a wonder to me, and I question where my Mountain Man got those rose-colored glasses. I'm tempted to long for someone else's hair or skin or figure or peaceable spirit or quiet and gracious way--but the beauty our husbands see is what God has fashioned, it is a grace He has poured out, and the best response is to believe and say thank you.

With love,
Trisha

A Month of Thanksgiving~Bounty of Friends and God's Favor

My pastor recently told me I have a good group of friends on Facebook. Not as in "a good amount," but as in "good." They're encouragers, they are.

And so are the faithful readers of this blog. And those friends that surround me right here where I live.

The kindness of friends and people I've hugged and those, too, I've never even met leaves me in wonder and so often in tears. Happy tears!

They shower me with gifts:

This from precious friends who know laughter is awesome medicine

Idaho potatoes brought back from Idaho and given to us by one of Mountain Man's co-workers

Such a lovely tea mug --perfect colors, too~ Green and pink. This cup is so ME.

The ingredients to make a meal of red beans and rice and cornbread and dessert. Shoes. Pen holders. Baby gifts. Bookmarks. Children's clothes. Lovely cards with tea bags tucked inside. A plane ticket. And more and more and more.

And I've known the very humbling JOY of having people pay good money to come visit us. And these visits have reaped the beautiful gift of dearest friends who are family to us. Even now, I'm counting down the days when my friend, Tami, and her whole family will hop on a plane and spend a long weekend with us. Yep. They paid money to do that, and it's simply amazing to me.

And then the WORDS:

"Blessings to you, sister. Praying your week is blessed. Love in Him who is faithful and true."

"Praise God for your discipline and your habits, which help you to enjoy the feast--not only for yourself, but for all those in proximity." (referring to feasting on God's Word)

"I miss your heavenly food."

"I'm praying for you."

Every time a friend gives a good word or spends time to come visit or sends an encouraging package or gives a gift or prays for me...I praise God for this bounty of people He uses to bless me and encourage me and admonish me and humble me. His favor. His kindness. His goodness. His mercy.

Look around you and consider what great gifts He's given you in your friends and brothers and sisters in Christ and the many who give of themselves to be a blessing to you.

Thank you, most gracious and generous Heavenly Father, and thank you, my friends.

With love,
Trisha

A Month of Thanksgiving~A Nib for Your Pastor and Lots of Prayer

One year for Christmas, we gave our pastor a fountain pen nib with a pledge to faithfully pray for him, along with a note explaining the symbolism of the nib. The gift was inspired by this story told by Charles Spurgeon:

"There is a sermon by old Matthew Wilks about our being epistles of Christ, written not with ink, and not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart; and he said that ministers are the pens with which God writes on their hearts' hearts, and that pens need nibbing every now and then, and even when they are well nibbed they cannot write without ink--so he said that the best service that the people could render to the preachers was to pray the Lord to give them new nibs, and dip them in the ink afresh, that they might write better than before. Do so, dear friends, do not blot the page with your censures and unkind remarks, but help the preacher by pleading for him even as Christ prayed for Peter."
~Spurgeon, The Preparatory Prayers of Christ, emphasis mine

God has given us the privilege of interceding for those who shepherd us. How important this is, to pray for the Lord to keep them, to preserve them, to strengthen them! Not praying for our pastors is just one way of many of taking them for granted, of being ungrateful for this gift from the Lord.

Gardiner Spring puts it this way:

"Nothing gives a people so much interest in their minister, and interest of the best kind, as to pray for him. They love him more, they respect him more, the attend more cheerfully and profitably on his ministrations, the more they commend him to God in their prayers. They feel a deeper interest in his work the more they pray for him; and their children feel a deeper interest both in him and his preaching, when they habitually listen to supplications that affectionately commend him to the throne of the heavenly grace."
~A Plea to Pray for Pastors

Perhaps at the core of many a church's disillusionment with their pastor is their failure to consistently and fervently pray for him. When we find ourselves becoming increasingly critical of our shepherds, maybe the first thing we should ask ourselves is if we're praying for them. Truly, how often do we send our ministers into the pulpit without once having prayed for them during the week, and then we roast them over Sunday dinner and make of list of the many ways they displease us? Oh, God forgive us for neglecting this duty, this privilege.

Today is the perfect time to make a commitment to regularly pray for your pastor. And go one step further--let him know you're faithfully praying for him, be it by packaging up a lovely fountain pen nib or just sending a note. And what shall we pray?

Thomas Brooks, in his book Precious Remedies Against Satan's Devices, asks his congregation to pray in this way for him:

"That ye would pray for me, who am not worthy to be named among the saints, that I may be a precious instrument in the hand of Christ to bring in many souls unto Him, and to build up those that are brought in in their most holy faith; and 'that utterance will be given to me, that I may make known all the will of God' (Eph. 6:19); that I may be sincere, faithful, frequent, fervent, and constant in the work of the Lord, and that my labour be not in vain in the Lord; that my labours may be accepted in the Lord and his saints, and I may daily see the travail of my soul.

But, above all, pray for me, that I may more and more find the power and sweet of those things upon my own heart, that I give out to you and others; that my soul may be so visited with strength from on high, that I may live up fully and constantly to those truths that I hold forth to the world; and that I may be both in life and doctrine 'a burning and a shining light,' that so, when the Lord Jesus shall appear, 'I may receive a crown of glory which he shall give to me in that day, and not only to me, but to all that love his appearing.' (John 5:35 and 2 Tim. 1:8).

~Thomas Brooks

Of course, that's just a start. There are many prayers to pray for our pastors. The important thing is to just do it and do it faithfully.

Thanks be to God for our pastors and for the duty and privilege of interceding for them before the Lord!

With love,

Trisha