Always Second Guessing

"Strong passions without a settled judgment, commonly produce weak resolutions."

~Matthew Henry

"Thoughts ripened into resolves by serious consideration are likely to be 
kept always in the imagination of the heart, whereas what is soon ripe is soon rotten."
~Matthew Henry

*****

You've been having family worship for a long time now. It's crazy sometimes, but in a world that encourages family members to live independently of one another and to forget the One who gives them every good thing, this concentrated family time of singing and prayer and Bible reading ties heartstrings and keeps you focused on eternity.

Then you read THE article. The one telling you that there's nothing in the Bible that commands us to have family worship. It's enough to talk with your children about the Christian life throughout the day.

You've finally settled into daily times of Bible reading and prayer. You're amazed at how much you hunger for the Word now, and even on those mornings when your start is slow, you're thankful for the habit you've made to hear His words first.

Then you read THE article. How silly for Christians to put themselves in such bondage to a completely unscriptural principle as the "quiet time." Free yourself!

You love to care for your home. You delight in the smell of homemade bread and watching little people rush to devour the work of your hands. You linger over a freshly cleaned kitchen, and you're amazed at your daughter's skill with a sewing machine.

Then you read THE article. The one that mocks mothers in their aprons making homemade bread, accusing them of forgetting grace and looking to the domestic arts for their salvation. Don't you know salvation is by grace, not by a Kitchen-Aid mixer?

Though many of these articles focus on a legalistic attachment to some of the things we do, all too often, we interpret them as a solid case AGAINST a practice or perspective. We worry that we've been wrong to have family worship all of this time (and actually teach our children that they should do this with their families), or train our children in the habit of independent time in the Word each day, or bake our own bread while wearing an apron. 

This is why it's essential to know why we do what we do and to teach the WHY to our children. When our practices are not thought out, but are rather the product of what's trending on the internet or in books or magazines, we're building our lives on a shaky foundation that crumbles in the presence of any opposing views. We find ourselves habitually changing course and chronically second-guessing everything we do. What kind of legacy is that to pass on to our children? 

Second-guessing is an inherent complication of information overload. It's the result of having too many opinions in our faces, and our relying too much on others to think for us.

It's not so much a reflection of a teachable spirit, but instead the consequence of lazy reasoning. Because we haven't thought our practices through, we're easily swayed by the next eloquent writer who comes along, being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine or some woman's declaration of "freedom" from ____________ (fill in the blank).

Instead of spending more time second-guessing everything we're doing, from family worship to quiet times to modest dress and more, let's spend time making sure we know WHY we do what we do. Let's dig deep in the Word and think through our principles and convictions and preferences. And then confidently, without apology, teach them to our children.


With love,
Trisha

Big and Little

Can you guess the unexpected bonus in this picture?

C'mon. Look carefully.

The socks! The socks!

Sarge has matching socks!

A Case of Reversed Punctuation

"Exposing our misguided expectations is not pessimistic. On the contrary, 

it is a first step in the direction of real, biblical optimism. False hopes add up to so 

much spiritual debris that gets in the way of our seeing what 

God has truly promised. The debris has got to go."

~Paul Wolfe

****

My sister's husband is dying of cancer. As in, hospice is now their friend. And as they all ponder Pete's stepping into eternity, the question that frequently comes up from friends and family is, "But you haven't given up hope, have you?"

Of course, when we know Jesus, we know our hope is in Him, not in temporary things, including our time here. But, what people often want to know when they ask this question is, "You haven't accepted this dying stuff, have you? I mean, God can still do a miracle." We want to tie our longevity to whether or not we believed hard enough, had enough positive thoughts, or drank enough green smoothies.

So, my sister and I discussed this tension--the tension between knowing God can heal while seeing the ugliness of a body wasting away right before our eyes or bad lab reports that shout, "The winner is: Cancer." The tension between knowing nothing is impossible with God, while affirming the truth that we are all dying-- sin's curse is real.

And the truth is that we often doubt God's promises while we declare assuredly things we have no assurance of. Paul Wolfe, in his most wonderful book, My God is True, Lessons Learned Along Cancer's Dark Road, calls this tendency "spiritual punctuation reversal."

"We put exclamation marks after the uncertain things because we have managed to convince ourselves that they will certainly turn out in our favour. Even we who repudiate the sort of health-and-wealth prosperity nonsense peddled by some popular preachers may find that those lies have found a lodging in our own hearts. Even if we would never come out and say it, deep down we may be thinking, 'Surely my loving heavenly Father would never make me suffer disappointment and disaster.' This amounts to putting promises in God's mouth.

Conversely, we put question marks after the promises of the gospel because we struggle to believe that something so wonderful--and so unseen--can really be true. Or if it is true, can it really be worth all this? The ancient lie began with 'Has God really said,' and deep down we are prone to treat even his most precious promises that way."

Is there a place for optimism in the face of devastating life circumstances? Of course! We're all living out stories that include amazing providences. But optimism, Wolfe reminds us, is not the same as gospel certainty, and our hearts must guard against confusing the two.

Because the result of mixing up our questions and our exclamations is a life, Wolfe explains, that looks like this:

"Our picnic will certainly be a smashing success!"
"I will definitely get that job I interviewed for!"
"But will God really abide with me in everything I go through, including death?"
"Is heaven a real place, and am I truly destined to arrive there in the end?"

It's living like this, reversing the certain and uncertain, that truly drains our hope. And this is the temptation of all of us, whether we're facing cancer or not. There are endless questions in our lives to which we must answer, "God only knows." But, praise God, there are so many questions that demand the answer, "God said..."

With love,
Trisha


***I cannot recommend Wolfe's book enough. It is a beautiful declaration of the truth of God's sovereignty, and all will benefit from it, cancer or not. Also, my sister covets your prayers and gave me permission to share her story here. Prayers for family unity. For peace and calm in this midst of this very hard providence. For God's spiritual and financial provision. That Christ would be their treasure and their hope would be firmly planted on His promises. Thank you.

If You Asked Me What I Know About Homeschooling

There's nothing profound in what I've learned about homeschooling over the years. But, often, the obvious can be most life-changing and burden-lifting. Perhaps something here will be an encouragement to newbies and veterans alike, and if nothing else, these are notes to myself. 

First of all, it's a good practice to make a list of what God's teaching you as you teach your children. If you're like I am, there will be plenty of days to remind yourself of the lessons you've already learned because sometimes the truth is in your head while being miles from your heart.

Here we go, in no particular order...

1) Bathe your days in prayer and God's Word, and give Him the glory for everything. Everything.

2) Be encouraged and inspired by other homeschooling Moms, but don't compare and don't covet. Someone will always have a lovelier schoolroom, smarter and more motivated children, more money for more expensive curriculum, be more organized, etc.  When we long to be another Mama, in different circumstances, with different children, we're telling God that He doesn't know what He's doing. This is still a struggle for me, after all of these years, but it's a reminder to keep my eyes fixed on Christ and His provision.

3) Don't separate the teacher and the Mama. A homeschooling mother boasted to me the fact that when she's teaching, her children are not allowed to call her Mom. They must address her as Mrs. ______. She thought it was the greatest idea. I was horrified. Do we make our children call us Nurse or Counselor or Judge when we step into those different roles? The beauty of motherhood is that we get to be all of those things, wrapped up in the loveliest name of Mother. Our roles blend beautifully together, and our relationships with our children should reflect that.

4) When God's given your child a love or gift for something, it will often shine through even if you've not formally taught that subject or skill. My oldest son loves to write, but I've never taught him formal writing. He's a natural, which doesn't mean he doesn't have to learn anything about his craft, but it's a reminder that our children's giftings don't hinge on our ability to teach everything.

5) Include in your teaching something of particular interest to each child. Do you have a child who loves experiments? Then let him do more experiments. Do you have a child who loves horses? Include that love in her daily lessons. We must know our children and not forget to encourage their interests. This is one of the advantages of homeschooling!

6) Be prepared for messes. All day long. Ok, this applies more if you still have Littles at home or at least a child who's very crafty or artistic. Our goal is not a perfect home, but rather a home where learning flourishes. And learning is often messy.

7) Have several brief pick-up times throughout the day. Our family of 11 has FOUR "quick pick-ups" throughout the day. The longest one is right after breakfast and includes the children's other chores. Then we pick up "domains" (the area a child is in charge of keeping clean) after lunch, before dinner, and before bed. These times of putting things back in order will protect your sanity!

8) Sometimes you just have to call it quits. Not quits on homeschooling, but quits on the year or a textbook. You won't always have the opportunity or ability to FINISH everything. Don't beat yourself up. Instead, make sure you're not indulging laziness, and then embrace the gift of a fresh start.

9) Tailor your schedule to fit your life. I've not read of another homeschooling family with a schedule like ours. My Beloved travels over three hours a day back and forth to work. We normally don't eat dinner until around 8:00. Our children don't usually go to bed until 10-10:30 at night. Is this because we're undisciplined or careless? NO. We like to eat dinner together, and we have family worship before bed. I still battle guilt that my children are not awake at 7:00 and starting their school day by 8 or 9. But we're not THAT family, and I'm having to learn to rest in this truth every day. Work out a schedule that reflects the life God has given you, not your neighbor.

10) Remember limitations can be a blessing and protection.  Not being able to afford something or do something reminds us that God gets the glory for everything....not the curriculum or an on-line class or a co-op. Our limitations encourage us to trust God for providing what we need when we need it, and often protect us from losing our vision of why we're homeschooling in the first place. Don't let your goals and dreams and fears of failing choke out the memories of God's faithfulness and provision and your ability to trust Him.

11) Consistency is more powerful than the "perfect" curriculum. Often it's not that we need to keep buying a newer and better product with which to teach a subject. We just need to be consistent in using what we have. Pray for a faithful and diligent heart.

12) Remember the power of osmosis. My eight year old often comes to me reciting the older children's memory work. How does she do this? She hears the older ones working on their passages. This is how our younger children learn a multitude of things. And it's a lovely way to expose them to great art and beautiful music, too. Post lovely art prints around the house and discuss them in passing. Play Chopin or Bach while you're doing lessons or cleaning up. We all know that much of our learning isn't scheduled, but rather happens in the rhythm of everyday living. Isn't it wonderful how God works?

13) Use what you have. As I look to make my purchases for this new school year, there are lots of things I can't afford. But, I have shelves of curriculum and books that I can use. I just need to forget the temptation and glitter of "new" and trust God to bless what I have. Look around you. What you need might be right in front of you.

14) Just because you don't have a skill doesn't mean your children never will. There are lots of people waiting to teach others what they know. I can't crochet, but my 12 year old does so wonderfully because a neighbor graciously comes over to teach her. A former neighbor, who was 88 at the time, taught our Emma how to paint with oils, and other friends have been available to work with her on sewing. This are examples of how God provides in unexpected ways. Ask Him!

15) Discipline is not a waste of time. You've tried to finish the math lesson for the fifth time, and you have another "issue." This child needs to be disciplined, but you just want to get through the lesson, and you're tired of having to stop and start over. DON'T GIVE IN to the temptation to let the discipline go. You'll invest the time now, or you will truly pay the price later. Is not training up our children in the way they should go at the heart of homeschooling? Take the time to correct with love and consistency.

16) The Bible is not a separate subject. While there might be specific times for studying God's Word, His Word should permeate everything we're teaching our children. Don't make it a separate "subject" to be checked off, not influencing every moment of your days.

17) Know thyself. What makes you see red? When you know what triggers your frustration and anger, you can fervently pray about these things and be proactive in showing self-control and wisdom to prevent or minimize your struggles in these areas. Does disorganization drive you crazy? Sibling conflict? Memorize appropriate Scriptures and arm yourself with prayer. Take practical measures to control the externals, but remember that sanctification is in progress for everyone in your home, so expect the battles to come, and beg for the grace to honor Him when they do.

18) Have a watch with a timer. Because you'll need it to time math drills and how fast your child can run. It's great for tracking read aloud time or how long your child actually takes to finish a math lesson. When the timer is right on your wrist, it's much harder to forget that you were timing something in the first place. :)

19) Celebrate! Make a big deal of your child's victories and milestones, big and small. Don't lose the wonder of a child's reading his first story just because you've watched four other children do so. Remember what a big deal it is to learn to jump rope or write your first letter or recite your first poem. Smile. Smile big. Say, "Great job." And sometimes shower blessings upon the Victors.

20) Interruptions are often opportunities. We make our plans, but God directs our steps. Too often, we want to tell Him HOW to direct them, and we get frustrated when His plans don't match ours. Your plans are a framework, the skeleton for your days. But don't hold to them so tightly that you miss the opportunities God sets right before you. It's a balance, for sure, but when your child gets sick or your neighbor's car just broke down, clinging to your "plans" and stewing over the change of them is to craft an idol in your heart. Why is it so hard to learn that life RARELY goes as planned? (And yes, we have to set up boundaries around our school day, for the friend who thinks we're not really doing anything and just wants to talk on the phone for 2 hours, etc. but that's not what I'm addressing here.)

21) Read When You Rise Up by R.C. Sproul, Jr. at least once a year. Yes, it's THAT good.

22) Preach the Gospel to yourself and your children every day. There won't ever be a time when you won't need to be reminded or be reminding your children of His salvation and His grace.

If you've made it this far, WOW! I could write more and more, but I'll stop here. Remember that God's grace is sufficient, and He is trustworthy and faithful!! Ask for eyes wide open to notice this TRUTH every day!

May God richly bless you as you tend to the hearts of your children and encourage in them a love for learning and a love for Him!

With love,
Trisha


***this originally written for my Multitude of Mercies blog, edited and updated for today's post

The Deceptive Mathematics of Worldly Thinking

"We must not succumb to the deceptive mathematics of worldly thinking that considers the pouring out of one's life on a hidden few as a scandalous waste of one's potential."
~Kent and Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Family

Happy Birthday Cookie Stack

This is the yummy birthday dessert Ella chose, and it was a success! The original recipe calls for using Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookies, but I used our own favorite recipe which you can find here. (Don't overbake!)

You'll need 30 cookies for this beautiful stack of sweetness. Here's the recipe for the whipped filling. It makes a lot! However, I was quite reserved in my application because I didn't want the filling to be overwhelming, so that's why I had so much of it left over.

1-1/2  (8 ounce) packages of cream cheese, softened
1-1/4 c. confectioners' sugar
1 (13.6 ounce) can coconut milk
2-1/2 c. chilled heavy whipping cream

In a large bowl, beat softened cream cheese at medium speed with an electric mixer until smooth. Add confectioners' sugar and coconut milk; beat just until combined. Add cream; beat at low speed until mixture begins to thicken. Beat at high speed until very thick.

On a large serving plate, arrange 7 cookies in a circle; place 1 cookie in center of circle. Dollop 2 c. of cream mixture over cookies; gently spread over and in between cookies with a spatula. Arrange 6 cookies over cream mixture; place 1 cookie in center of circle. Dollop 2 c. of cream mixture over cookies; gently spread with spatula. Repeat procedure twice, arranging cookies closer together with each layer to form a pyramid-shaped stack. Spread remaining 2 c. of cream mixture on top of cookie stack. Cover, and chill for 1 hour or up to 4 hours. Just before serving, top with berries.
~from Celebrate magazine

Tips:

~Top with strawberries and blueberries for a festive 4th of July dessert.
~Cookies start to soften after 4 hours, so you might need to cut with a serrated knife instead of just pulling from the stack if you chill them that long.
~It's messy, but delicious. Let your children enjoy it, and don't fret over how much whipped cream they get on themselves. :)
~Customize the amount of cream used to your liking--as I said, I had a lot left over, but was pleased with the amount used on the cookies.
~The taste of coconut milk is not overwhelming. We bought the half-gallon size available in the refrigerated section of Trader Joe's.
~I chilled our cookie stack for about 2 hours. The chilling makes a big difference--don't leave that part out.

Enjoy!!

With love,
Trisha

She Had the Perfect Kitchen, But I Have a Sinful Heart

I remember the first time I saw her kitchen. It was only in a picture, but it sure was picture-perfect. It was my dream kitchen. White and green. Lots of counter tops and cabinets. Sparkling clean with a large window to let the sunshine in.

Not only did she have the perfect kitchen, but she also spent time chronicling her life, in great and artistic detail, with pictures and notes. She did adventurous things with her children. Her resources and abilities seemed endless, and she walked in the fear of the Lord.

After reading her blog posts and drinking in her lovely pictures, I concluded this woman must have the perfect life. I stopped subscribing to her blog because I realized how my heart tempted me to indulge in a bit of envy and coveting after reading her posts. Simply put, I was jealous.

This is the key here. I concluded she had a perfect life. My heart tempted me to sin. She never said, "Here I am. Look at my children and my big kitchen and my organized home. I am the perfect woman with the perfect life." I was interpreting her posts through covetous eyes, and that will distort an image every time, leaving me in bondage to my sin instead of free to delight in God's goodness to others.

What About the Pictures?

There's a current trend of thought that says if I'm busy taking pictures, I must not be living life. I should put my camera down and be in the moment and stop causing discontentment in other women by sharing my photos. False assumptions are made about shutterbugs, that we live to impress, that we don't believe an experience has been real unless we have a picture of it, that we stage our lives, making pretty virtual realities to cover real lives that are neglected and in shambles.

I don't believe the motives of most shutterbugs are so shallow and sinister. When I capture pictures of my family, it's because I am in the moment and I value that moment, and my heart wants to share that moment with others and glorify God because of His provision of that moment. It's been said that we write to taste life twice, and I would say that I take pictures to taste life and God's goodness over and over.

When a friend shares her amazing close-ups of God's creation or the flowers her husband gave her for her birthday, I soak in the beauty, and I rejoice in God's goodness. When a friend shares a photo of her handiwork, I marvel at what God made us to do, to create in amazing ways, and I rejoice with her. When a friend shares a photo of her newly organized pantry, I'm inspired and motivated.

We All Have Our Weak Points

So why couldn't I do the same when I'd read this particular blog? Because I didn't know her, and she had many things I longed for and could easily make an idol of--a bigger home, a more organized life.

Just fill in those things that our hearts are fashioning into idols, and we'll discover why our vision is distorted, and we're so cynical about the accomplishments or blessings of others.

It's My Heart

It's not Pinterest or Facebook or pretty blogs or pictures of someone's perfect kitchen that are the problem. It's how my idol-making heart processes them. Too often...

My heart assumes the worst and assigns ill motives to others.
My heart covets.
My heart envies.
My heart fails to rejoice with those who rejoice.
My heart seeks satisfaction in these things instead of in Christ.

Do We Run?

Scripture exhorts us repeatedly to flee from temptation. We're not to play around with it, and see how much we can resist. We're to be on guard and not trust ourselves. It's foolishness to set ourselves in temptation's way as a means to train ourselves in godliness. So, should we run from Pinterest and Facebook and pretty blogs?

Yes and no.

We should be redeeming the time and guarding our hearts. If perusing Pinterest and using Facebook and reading blogs is not a profitable use of our time (and each person must answer that for herself) and we're allowing them to promote and feed sin in our lives, then we pluck out the eye that offends us.

But if we make life lovelier for those around us from the ideas on Pinterest, if we delight in the connections on Facebook, and we're encouraged as we read certain blogs, then we use them for God's glory, not to one-up each another or feed our idols. We remember to start with our own hearts if discontentment creeps in, and thank God for His faithfulness in making us more like Christ by revealing to us our sin.

My Duty

That woman who had the perfect kitchen? Well, I later discovered her life fell apart. Was she a fake? No. She was sharing the beautiful things in her life, with no obligation to me to tell me where the seams were fraying. Perhaps her blog was a means of preserving the lovely in the midst of the painful and ugly.

I'll never know.

What I can know is that I'm responsible for my heart when I visit these places, and I'm responsible to guard it, be kind, full of grace, rejoicing with those who rejoice, and delighting in God's goodness to others. And I'm responsible to know when to walk away, if that's necessary.

My duty is to remember that perfection is often relative (what might be a "perfect" kitchen or home to me won't be for you), and when I unkindly tag someone with that label because I'm green with envy, when I accuse others of making me discontent or unhappy, I'm shifting blame, and I'm revealing more about my own heart than I am about another's on-line presence of pixels and words.

With love,

Trisha

The Doctrine of Grace and Moral Laxity

Those who suppose that the doctrine of God's grace tends to encourage moral laxity ('"final salvation is certain anyway, no matter what we do; therefore our conduct doesn't matter") are simply showing that, in the most literal sense, they do not know what they are talking about. For love awakens love in return; and love, once awakened, desires to give pleasure; and the revealed will of God is that those who have received grace should hence-forth give themselves to "good works" (Ephesians 2:10, Titus 2:11 f.); and gratitude will move any man who has truly received grace to do as God requires, and daily cry out thus--

Oh! to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be;
Let that grace now, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee!
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
Prone to leave the God I love--
Take my heart, oh, take and seal it,
Seal it from Thy courts above!

~J.I. Packer, Knowing God

An Open Letter to My MeMaw Re: That Big, Big Lollipop

Dear MeMaw,

Mama finally got brave enough to open that big lollipop you sent me. She never did say WHEN you mailed it to me, but I have a feeling it might have been a while ago.

I knew something was up when they put me in a high chair, made me wear one of those ghastly bibs, and handed me this massive and colorful round thing. I was hooked after one lick.

Thank you!

In your lovely card, you mentioned sharing this wonder of sweetness with my siblings. This was very, very hard for me to do. Consider exhibit A...a testimony of how desperate we will act when such a lollipop is on the line. I tried to keep it high in the air, but a few of my siblings are taller than I am.

Everyone wanted a lick of this delectable treasure. And then everyone wanted to know WHERE you found such a specialty. I can't say I was able to lick my lollipop in peace, as I think every child should be able to do.

Thankfully, I'm not being reared as a socialist. Otherwise, Mama would have made me cut the lollipop into equal shares and what was mine would have been theirs, too. I'm all for sharing, but I think equal shares applies much better to creamed spinach than tasty lollipops. (And for the record, I did share after some coaxing from Emma, but how true it is, the more you give, the more they want!)

If you thought I had everyone's attention when I was licking the lollipop, you should have seen what happened when I started biting. Suddenly, voices got louder...something about baby teeth and that I'd probably find them useful until my big teeth came in. I'm not quite sure what all the fuss was about. I just kept biting and ignoring the raised voices and what sounded like warnings of some kind. Next thing I know, my lollipop is taken away and slapped between two pieces of wax paper. (Ok, it was gently wrapped, but since I was a bit upset, I imagined a bit more of a dramatic end to my lollipop-licking adventure.)

Then, I was whisked away to the bath. My hands and hair were a bit sticky. After all, isn't eating a lollipop an almost whole-body experience? The bath was nice, but not as nice as that lollipop. My one hope is that it's hidden away between wax paper, and I'll see it another day when Mama is feeling carefree and generous.

(my attempt to smile while hands-free and mouth-full)

I say that, even though big lollipops can cause a bit of sibling conflict, and I have to fight off the meaner sides of my otherwise gentler sisters, and I have to hear lectures about dental care, you should keep those lollipops coming. If I remember correctly, someone very wise once said, "That's what Grandmas are for." I love you.

Your ever-grateful grandson,
Cap'n

A Most Beautiful Before and After

Maybe I'm the only woman who would cry over a new roof. Maybe I'm the only woman who would save a scrap of the old one in a Ziploc bag as an Ebenezer. But, I'm happy to say I've done both.

I remember worrying about how we'd ever replace our roof. We'd have to do the work ourselves, for sure, and a metal roof wasn't even a possibility. We'd just have to be happy with shingles again, though they're such a headache in our high winds area.

Then one day, my Beloved went to price metal roofing. The salesman asked if we had checked with our insurance company to cover the cost of replacing our roof. We had never thought of it. Lo and behold, they not only covered some of it, they covered almost the entire cost of a new roof, a new METAL roof!

The workmen started replacing the roof on Friday, and yesterday they finished. I've never seen such a beautiful roof! :) To know that the winds won't be demolishing parts of it and that there won't be any more leaks is such a comfort. To know that we won't have to shudder every time the winds kick up, praying the whole time for God's mercy because we know half the shingles might blow to the next county, is such a relief. These are big things to me, to our family, and we're so grateful to the LORD for His kindness and provision.

Now, here are a couple of the most beautiful before and after pictures you've ever seen...much more so than any tummy tuck or Botox treatment!

Isn't it wonderful? :)

And in just a couple of weeks, the men get the exciting job of painting the whole house. Woohoo! I can't wait!

New roof. New paint. And a new storm door.

I might even be able to squeeze out a few window boxes from my men, too.

With love,
Trisha

P.S. For the curious minds out there, those are swamp coolers sitting atop our roof. That's how many of us in the desert cool our homes. :)

We Are Pens and Swords, but Not the Holy Spirit

No, let me solemnly say that, with all the instruction you may give to your children, you must always be deeply conscious that you are not capable of doing anything in the securing of the child's salvation but that it is God Himself who, from the first to the last, must effect if all. You are simply a pen: God can write with you, but you cannot write anything by yourself. You are a sword: God can slay the child's sin with you, but you cannot slay it of yourself.

Therefore, always be mindful of this, that you must first be taught by God yourself. Then you must ask God to use you to teach, for unless a higher Teacher than you works with you to instruct the child, the child must perish. It is not your instruction that can save the souls of your children; rather it is the blessing of God the Holy Spirit accompanying and blessing your labors.

May God bless and crown your efforts with abundant success! He will surely do so if you are instant in prayer, constant in supplication. Never yet did the earnest teacher or preacher "labour in vain, nor bring forth for trouble; for they are the seed of the blessed of the LORD" (Isaiah 65:23). Often has it been seen that bread cast upon the waters has been found after many days (Ecc. 11:1).
~C.H. Spurgeon, Spiritual Parenting

If You Were Here

Dear Dad,

I'm amazed that the heart knows anniversaries. Mine has been especially heavy for the past week as I think on last year at this time when I watched you take your last breath.

What a gift from the LORD that I was able to see you in time and that you were able to take your first look at Jedediah in person. I'm glad his little hand was able to touch your arm, that arm that used to hug us or throw a baseball or work on an airplane or make homemade pizzas.

Our relationship those last several years of your life wasn't at all what I hoped it would be. And even though you kept me at a distance, I don't think it's what you wanted, either. But that's what living often does to us. It makes us think we'll always have tomorrow even though we know tomorrow never comes.

To watch you nod when I asked if you were glad I was at your bedside was a priceless gift that I hold close in my heart. It's one I'll tell my children, as I remind them of God's grace and how He loves us like a Father, tending to every detail of our lives. It's a moment that I'll repeat, too, to remind them that we don't want to hang a lifetime of loving on a nod of the head, but rather we have to be mindful to love well and fully every day.

If you were here, I hope God would have mended our broken fences. If you were here, I hope you would have been able to say you love me. If you were here, I hope you would have known anew just how vast the ocean of God's grace is.

If you were here, you would know the wonderful news that we'll, God-willing, welcome another precious son into the family in September. (I can picture you shaking your head, wondering how we'll manage it all.) You would know that Ink is enjoying three weeks in Mexico with a godly family. You would know that God has faithfully provided through a miscarriage last year, Michele's death, broken appliances, leaky roofs, strange objects in ears, seizures, jury duty, and a whole host of other trials.

If you were here, Mama would tell you about the latest adventures from the desert, including Jedediah's saying, "Bang, bang!" when I mentioned he'd be getting shots, or Ella wondering why, after hearing us pray for a relative's "wife to be", anyone would name their wife "tobe." And even if you didn't say a word, I know you'd be smiling inside.

I remember talking with you once and asking if there were things in life you had always wanted to do and never got to. I remember the sadness that colored your face, and at that moment I realized you were human like everyone else, that you had unfulfilled dreams, that maybe there were many things you wished you could do over.

If you were here, I'd say "thank you" for all you did for us. I'd remind you that God chose you to be my Dad, warts and all, and how grateful I am that He's made me a mother, though He knows so well what a wretched sinner I am. I'd speak of His providence, and the truth that He works all things together for good.

If you were here, maybe I could tell you I better understand how broken people live broken lives and are capable of the grossest of sins, how we don't do what we want to do and do what we don't want to do. And I'd tell you how His grace is sufficient for all of our brokenness, and that when we've been forgiven much, we can only forgive others much. Maybe I'd even look you in the eyes, gently grab your shoulders, and ask you if you knew this, really knew it. Maybe you'd listen when I told you the great news of the Gospel is for every moment of every day, no matter how long we've known Jesus. Even the oldest of saints sometimes forget this.

But, Dad, as much as I often wish you were here, so I could hear you say, "I love you," or watch you strain hard to see the dim outlines of your grandchildren, I know Here is the last place you'd want to be.

You knew so well how disease ravages the body and how exhausting the daily battle against our flesh can be. I know you were weary and wanted to be delivered from it all. You now know better than any of us here how sufficient and amazing His grace is.

I move among the days without you here, but I take comfort in the truth that when we see each other again, it will be even better than my memories of your doing science projects with me, singing those hymns so boldly at church, giving me chocolate for Valentine's Day, or my watching you slap your knee as you laughed so heartily. There will be no hearts broken by hard words and stubborn ways or hasty choices. We'll know what it is to perfectly reflect our Savior's love. We'll be consumed by His glory, worshipping Him for all of eternity.

What a day that will be.

Loving you and missing you,

Trisha

***Tomorrow marks one year without my Dad here on this earth. If yours is still with you, I urge you to love better, forgive more, and treasure, in word and deed, the gift of a father, warts and all.

A Marvelous Mercy

Thanks be to God there were no blockages found when the heart catheterization was done on my Mom this morning! Thus, no stent or pacemaker needed.

I'll know more later, but I just wanted to thank you for your prayers and praise the LORD for His kindness.

With love,
Trisha

Haunting Ideals

**picture from Yahoo Images

It had "boy adventures" written all over it. My first thought when seeing the big tree with the strong branches extending heavenward was that our son would love having such a climber's paradise in our backyard. 

In fact, my ideal backyard would include a sturdy, wind-proof play set, several rows of raised garden beds, and lots of trees for shade and climbing. It would even have a lovely patio area for dining out on warm summer evenings.

Our real backyard, however, is full or stickers and weeds. The play set we had years ago was demolished in a wind storm, while the trampoline blew into another county. The raised garden beds still haven't gotten built, and a patio area is far down on the to-do list.

Whether it's an ideal backyard or an ideal homeschool day or a generalized ideal life, everyone of us battles the haunting voices prescribing the ideal. The voices can be in our head, on our computer screen, in a magazine, or simply the fruit of our sinful hearts.

It was in my ideal homeschooling plan to put Ink through a writing course. It never happened, but in spite of that, he loves to write, and he's quite good at it, and I have no doubt he'll continue to fine-tune this craft of putting thoughts to paper. 

It's an ideal thing to train our daughters to effectively care for their homes. We aim to cover all of the bases and teach them well. But, did you know that when I got married, I couldn't make rice, didn't know how to fix coffee, and messed up a lot of housekeeping tasks along the way? Yet, here I am a Mom of 8, and though I still battle procrastination, I plan and make delicious meals and manage the laundry and homeschool our children and delegate quite well. 

My ideal kitchen would have granite countertops and new flooring. There'd be a fancy rack overhead for hanging pots, and we'd have lovely matching chairs around our table. Instead, I wipe down worn white laminate every day that's curling up in some spots. We shove pots in a cabinet too small to fit everything well, and we sit on a mishmash of weakened wood and fold-up metal chairs. In spite of all that, we laugh and cook happily in our small, aging kitchen.

Ideals often give us direction. They can offer worthy goals to aim for. But they can also paralyze us or cause deep discontentment. Ideals all too often push us to reach for perfection instead of strive for godliness. 

As women, we're very good at storing up ideals in our hearts and our heads. When those ideals aren't met, we're left frustrated or disappointed or fearful, but we can't resist the temptation to continue to chase after them. Ideals lead us to the Land of If-Only, far away from the truth that godliness with contentment is great gain. They keep us focused on tomorrow or someday and rob us of the joy of this day.

Resting our lives on ideals is building on shifting sand. The ideals will never be satisfied. You'll have to keep feeding them and doing one more thing or buying one more thing. Ideals shift with the seasons, and they tempt us to be glory-stealers, taking what belongs to God and giving it to ourselves. Ideals blind us to God's provision in every trial and every moment of our lives as they whisper that God's providence is merely an interruption to our perfect plans. Ideals rob us of seeing the beauty of His grace that takes the impossible and makes it possible. Ideals convince us we're self-sufficient instead of God-dependent.

Just look at your life. Like I do, you stand amazed at the wondrous things God has done. You're in awe how He's made something beautiful out of a mess, how He's given a selfish heart a desire to serve others, how He's worked all of your trials for good, making you more and more like Jesus every day. And none of that happened because you had the ideal Quiet Time, the ideal parenting method, or the ideal schedule. It happened because of that amazing gift called grace.

Let's use those ideals properly, to motivate us or give us direction. But let's hold on to them loosely, realizing they'll never satisfy us because we weren't designed to live out an ideal, but rather to bring glory to God and enjoy Him forever.

With love,

Trisha

Disinterested in the Gospel and Tired of the Church

I can't help but feel that lurking beneath the surface in much of the current disillusionment with the church is a dis-ease with the traditional message of salvation. People are passionate about the poor, the environment, and third-world debt. But they seem embarrassed by a violent, bloody atonement for sin, let alone any mention of the afterlife that hangs in the balance. Everyone, it seems has a vision for the church that Jesus talked about in Matthew 16:18--the church against which the gates of hell shall not prevail. Many people read this today as a word about the church's role in liberating the oppressed, bringing shalom, or storming 'the authority structures and control centers of evil.' But the reference to the 'gates of hades' is a Jewish euphemism for death (see Isa. 38:10, which uses the Hebrew term sheol). Jesus' initial description of the church focused not on changing the world but on the hope of eternal life.

My observation is that as people grow tired of hearing about the atonement, salvation, the cross, and the afterlife, they grow tired of church. Because the more that sin and redemption and heaven and hell recede into the background, the more the church becomes just one among several options for making a difference in the world.

So as much as the church as been nothing but a holy huddle at times and as much as I admire zeal for good works, there is a danger in much of the missional literature that the gospel of God's grace toward sinners gets swallowed up in urgent calls for world redemption and cultural transformation. There is a danger of centering our churches on adopting schools and offering parenting classes instead of being centered on the message of a heavenly Father who adopts unworthy children of wrath through the work of His Son on the cross. There is a danger that we find our unity in doing good missional deeds for our community and not in the good news of the gospel. There's a danger our Christianity becomes all imperative and not indicative, all about what we need to do with God and little about what God's done for us. There's danger that when people get disinterested in the gospel, they get disinterested in the church. And once they leave the church, they've left the only institution whose mission aims for eternity and whose gospel is truly good news.
~Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck, Why We Love the Church

Friends

Peek-a-Boo and 17 and Very First Signs of Spring

"Personal experience is ever the master singer. 

Whatever Thou art to others, 
to me Thy mercy is most notable."

~C.H. Spurgeon

There's not a day that passes in which His mercies don't fail to amaze me!

~Praising God for a lovely Easter celebration at church, as well as a delicious Easter dinner.

~I'm thankful that while at church our son noticed the nail that was lodged in our van tire, and we were able to get it repaired. (I know...I have mixed feelings about that one, but it got fixed, and I'm thankful we didn't need a new tire, etc.)

~I'm thankful my precious friend's son, who was at death's door, was released from the hospital and was able to celebrate his 17th birthday this past Sunday! Please pray for Austin, that the heart meds he's taking will be effective. Pray for God's grace to be poured out in great measure on him and his family.

~I'm thankful for Peek-a-boo

~I'm thankful for 17 years with Ink and for sons, big and little.

~I'm praising God for signs of spring where we live. I love hearing the birds singing in the morning, and these first buds are so lovely to me.

~I'm thankful for napping buddies.

~I'm grateful so much of what I worry about doesn't come to fruition. What I thought was a badly infected tooth that might require a root canal turned out to be a gum infection. You've never seen a pregnant woman so delighted to have a gum infection!!

~I'm thankful for 18 weeks and three days and a great report from the doctor this week. I'm thankful for every pregnancy symptom and discomfort. What a privilege to carry this life within me. 

~ Yesterday was the 6 month anniversary of Michele's home-going. I'm thankful for the healing God does in our hearts over time. Boy, I miss her, and yet, His grace sustains me, and it's a blessing to see how it's especially sustaining her daughter.

~I'm thankful for God's moment by moment preservation of me. How little I comprehend what He keeps me from, i.e. dominion of sin, being drawn out of the narrow way, horrible heresies, being overcome by Satan, departing from the living God, etc. How amazing is His grace! (Thanks to A.W. Pink for this beautiful reminder!)

~I'm thankful for the incredible opportunity for Ink to spend three weeks with this godly family this summer! (He got his passport in a little over a week, which I think is amazing.) This will be an awesome opportunity for him, and I praise God for the love and kindness of the saints. Becky, you make me cry!

~I'm thankful for two Grandmas who have pledged to send us barbecue Fritos, and maybe even read and comment a bit more often...and who both have a great sense of humor! I love you!!

With love,

Trisha