Facebook One Year Later~What I Love and What I Hate

A little over a year ago, my Mountain Man and I took the plunge and signed up for a Facebook account. Yes, this crusading anti-Facebook Mama had to choke on her words...and as a result of my time there, I wrote a few things about how to behave on Facebook.

Like many, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. It's mostly what you make it, but it's also what other people make it, and sometimes the two get tangled, and things get messy, and I don't like that part.

What I Hate

I hate that most of it really isn't private. There's a nifty sidebar that tells you what every friend you have is doing--how many levels of Candy Crush they've conquered and what posts they liked and what they said. That's really none of my business, and it's frustrating to realize that complete strangers have the potential to see almost everything I post.

I hate that people get testy and let differences interfere with fellowship. As I've mentioned before, Facebook is a medium for expressing our opinions, and often our opinions offend others. With reasonable friends, I know I can discourse with them in a friendly, or even in a heated, way, and we'll still be friends. But, with others, that's not the case. It's easy to be censorious and to take the bait (I've done that!) when we just need to agree to disagree.

I hate that Facebook can be a means of discontentment. Perhaps part of it is knowing what so many people are doing instead of a small circle of friends. The temptation is to be dissatisfied with one's own lot, and when that happens, it's important to take responsibility for our own sin instead of blaming others for "making us" feel dissatisfied.

I hate when people say it's not real. Many have said that none of this social media is "real", which always leaves me wondering why any of us are doing it then in the first place. Of course, it is real. It is a limited reality, though, just as work relationships often are and, sadly, even some church-family connections. Those who interact with us only on Facebook will never get the big picture of our lives, but that doesn't make Facebook an artificial world that happens only in our imaginations.

I hate that it's a time-wasting temptation. It's easier to justify time spent there because Facebook can be quickly checked and statuses easily commented on. But minutes add up to hours and hours add up to days. And our lives are the measure of our days. Are we spending them well? For me, I have to consciously watch my time and guard against social media becoming an easy answer for not dealing with the undesirables of life.

What I Love

I love being able to access the help and knowledge of others. It's amazing what friends know and what friends can do. When Clairesy injured her head in a fall, and I posted a question about getting stitches, a nearby  friend quickly answered my question and was at our home in 10 minutes. Another friend shared a helpful tip about dealing with congestion in infants--something this long-time mother had never heard of, and yet another made a recommendation that helped me survive hard water for a time.

I love the encouragement and prayers and awesome shared quotations and book recommendations.

I love enjoying the big and small moments of delight and victory in others' lives.

I love the conversations that make me think.

I love the surprise connections that God has ordained there. You just never know how God can use even Facebook, and we now have connections with two very special families because of our time spent there.

I love that Facebook can be a mirror that reveals the darkness of our hearts.  Am I petty? Do I always have to have the last word? Do I care about others enough to encourage them and pray for them? Am I envious? Do I struggle to rejoice with others? Do I have self-control? Am I a coward, or am I bold about what I believe? Do I fear God or man? Am I a good steward of my time? Am I addicted to social media?

Will we continue with Facebook? For now, remembering that it's wise to regularly evaluate anything we do, making sure it accurately reflects our priorities and isn't a stumbling block to living a life for God's glory.


With love,
Trisha

How to Behave on Facebook

"So far as we are under its (the fear of the Lord) influence, we speak, pray, think and deal with man, as if God was standing by."

~Charles Bridges

*****

Perhaps there should be a manual for Christians to study before signing up for Facebook. You know, How to Deal with Facebook Conflict, and Not Be the Cause of It Yourself. I wonder if there's any form of social media that is so frustrating and deceptive. Maybe if C. S. Lewis were writing his Screwtape Letters today, he would have set it in a digital world and included Facebook as one of Satan's primary tools for division and contention.

I've already made several mistakes in my use of Facebook. I've given offense. I've taken offense. I've made people big and God small. I've said too much. I've said too little. I've been misunderstood, and I've misunderstood.

So, I've thought about what I would teach our younger children about navigating this turbulent sea of communication. Of course the first thing I would tell them is that wisdom is already available for how to behave on Facebook, and it's, of course, the wisdom they've been taught all these years. His wisdom. His Word.

And here would be my other suggestions:

1) Think twice: Facebook is sometimes like a maze that one can't find her way out of. Used appropriately, it is a delightful way to interact with and encourage others, but it can also be a means of drama and division. Why do you want to be there, and will you be resolved to leave if it's not an edifying use of your time?

2) Have your pastor as your friend: The restraining influence of the presence of those who shepherd us and must give an account of our souls is a blessed thing. I know not everyone has this luxury, but if you do, thank God for it.

3) Act according to your purpose: Is your FB page to promote your business or your blog? Or is it to connect with those you know? Is it a tool to share the Gospel with others? Obviously, why we're on FB affects what we share and who we will let be our "friends" and continue to be our "friends."

4) Remember to walk worthy of your calling: You belong to Jesus and your status updates and "likes" and photos should reflect this truth.

5) Keep your keyboard under Divine discipline: Ponder what you're communicating, and pray about it. Refrain from meddling and being contentious, for, as Charles Bridges explains, "A wide difference is made between 'suffering as a busybody and suffering as a Christian' ". Exhibit self-control, not letting the heat of the moment dictate the speed of your response,

"But the true peace-maker, while he deplores the strife, well knows, that interference in the moment of irritation will kindle rather than extinguish, the fire. Yet his self-control is not indifference. He commits the matter to Him whose wisdom He so greatly needs." (Bridges)

6) Remember the difference between "friends" and "friendly": Facebook has hijacked the word "friend" and morphed it into an often meaningless title. Most of the people on Facebook are not your friends. They are acting friendly towards you, but they are not with you in the trenches of everyday life, or the ones you call in the midst of a crisis. I've discovered that "friends" on Facebook are often digital versions of nosy neighbors peeking over the fence to see what the latest neighborhood gossip is. Instead of fences, though, we deliver the news via status updates. We have an obligation to be friendly with everyone. We do not have an obligation to be friends with everyone.

7) Remember your "friends" have a right to do what they will with their Facebook page: Facebook is often the forum where you discover what your "friends" really think about hot-button issues, like education and parenting and theology and politics. It's not our responsibility to correct everyone and set them straight on the issues at hand. Yes, there are those with whom we can have friendly debates, but wisdom requires knowing who they are and acting accordingly, for not everyone has a teachable spirit or thinks you're the iron that should be sharpening them.

8) Avoid talebearing and talebearers: The talebearer delights in stirring up strife and "raking up old and forgotten tales." (Bridges) Since being on Facebook, I've learned that the man who is connected with the denomination I am part of is a heretic (that would make me one, too). I've also learned that he has encouraged women to be chained to their kitchen sinks and have babies (obviously not at the same time) until their uteri fall out. Yes. This is the kind of distasteful and unChristian talk that goes on in some parts of the Facebook world. Bridges, in his wonderful commentary on Proverbs, says we should stop the talebearer in his words, "compel him to produce his authority; face him, if possible, with the subject of his tales. This decisive course will prevent a mass of slander, and put him to shame." 

I agree with this in most cases, but I also think it's wise to ask yourself if you are the one to do this. In some instances, it's better to remove yourself from the flurry of false information, and let people think of you what they will.

9) Be a peacemaker: You'll often give offense simply by being who you are and sharing what you believe. For these things, you can't apologize. But, there might be times when you've been unfriendly or unwise in your communication. If so, make it right with the offended party. Remember, too, the value of covering offenses in love, ignoring updates that make you bristle, and avoiding the temptation to censure others. And sometimes using the "unfriend" button is the most peaceable thing you can do, for yourself and for others.

10) Let Facebook be a better place because you are there: Show yourself friendly. Pray faithfully for others. Speak the truth in love. Avoid contentious "friends. Surrender the need to defend yourself at every turn. Clothe yourself in humility. Let your fear of God be BIG and your fear of man be small. Give encouraging words. Share those funny details of your day. Point to Jesus. Praise His name by speaking of His mercies. Be salt and light (remembering that some will hate you for it).

With love,
Trisha

Somebody Help Her! She Choketh!

I've shared before about making my children promise they'd never be on Facebook before I die.  And then I had to eat my words when Ink signed up for the Great Social Network. I included these thoughts while I was busy coughing and sputtering.

In fact, you probably don't really want me to join Facebook because if I did, I'd have to eat so much crow, I'd surely choke to death. (And I'd even have a few friends ready to spoon-feed me.)


My Beloved and I signed up for FB last night. I'm busy eating crow, but I have to say that friends have been most welcoming! 

And yes, I'm still ambivalent about social networking, and you'd probably roll your eyes if you knew how much thought I gave to joining FB and the discussions I put my Beloved through, or perhaps you'd say, "I completely understand!"

But now you know. I did it.

I'm off to finish eating my words as I ponder why my Mother Dear still hasn't accepted my friend request. I feel a mini-depression coming on.

With love,
Trisha

Bite, Chew, Sputter, Sputter

Ahem, sorry, wait just a moment while a bite off a bit of the crow I'm having to eat.

{chomp, chomp}

{sputter, sputter}

Ok, it was hard going down, so I'm hoping this experience will be over soon. This is Facebook Crow, by the way.

Remember the day I said I told my children to promise me they'd never be on Facebook until I was 10 feet under? Well, I'm not 10 feet under (somebody pinch me, please), but I now have a child on Facebook. Yes, he's a man, but he's still my child.

The Ink Slinger can now be found writing on walls, though we've never ever approved of graffiti. And I guess he can be found reading what others are writing on walls, too.

Now, friends are coming out of the woodwork. Who knew that every person we know has a Facebook account?

Of course, the burning question is, If Ink is on Facebook, will Mama soon follow?

Before I answer, let me suspend my crow-eating. It really is hard to keep myself from choking AND write at the same time.

There were several considerations that went into this decision, and to be honest, my first words after Ink set up his account were, "I hope this isn't the beginning of something bad."

I know. You're flashing to the joker's question in The Dark Knight, "Why so serious?" (You just look a lot prettier, as you sit there, chuckling, and saying, "I knew they would give in.") I'll save my "why so serious?" answer for another post.

Without divulging details of private conversations, I will share that Ink made a lot of great connections in Mexico, and Facebook seems like the optimum way to maintain those connections. And I'll tell you that for now, Mama will just be watching the writing on the wall from the sidelines. In fact, you probably don't really want me to join Facebook because if I did, I'd have to eat so much crow, I'd surely choke to death. (And I'd even have a few friends ready to spoon-feed me.)

I know our hearts often revel in hearing someone say, "Never!" and then watching them do an about-face. That's ok. Revel all you want. Send the smirks and smiles my way.

Just go easy on me. Pregnant women tend to cry easily, in case you didn't know.

With love,
Trisha