How to Behave on Facebook

"So far as we are under its (the fear of the Lord) influence, we speak, pray, think and deal with man, as if God was standing by."

~Charles Bridges

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Perhaps there should be a manual for Christians to study before signing up for Facebook. You know, How to Deal with Facebook Conflict, and Not Be the Cause of It Yourself. I wonder if there's any form of social media that is so frustrating and deceptive. Maybe if C. S. Lewis were writing his Screwtape Letters today, he would have set it in a digital world and included Facebook as one of Satan's primary tools for division and contention.

I've already made several mistakes in my use of Facebook. I've given offense. I've taken offense. I've made people big and God small. I've said too much. I've said too little. I've been misunderstood, and I've misunderstood.

So, I've thought about what I would teach our younger children about navigating this turbulent sea of communication. Of course the first thing I would tell them is that wisdom is already available for how to behave on Facebook, and it's, of course, the wisdom they've been taught all these years. His wisdom. His Word.

And here would be my other suggestions:

1) Think twice: Facebook is sometimes like a maze that one can't find her way out of. Used appropriately, it is a delightful way to interact with and encourage others, but it can also be a means of drama and division. Why do you want to be there, and will you be resolved to leave if it's not an edifying use of your time?

2) Have your pastor as your friend: The restraining influence of the presence of those who shepherd us and must give an account of our souls is a blessed thing. I know not everyone has this luxury, but if you do, thank God for it.

3) Act according to your purpose: Is your FB page to promote your business or your blog? Or is it to connect with those you know? Is it a tool to share the Gospel with others? Obviously, why we're on FB affects what we share and who we will let be our "friends" and continue to be our "friends."

4) Remember to walk worthy of your calling: You belong to Jesus and your status updates and "likes" and photos should reflect this truth.

5) Keep your keyboard under Divine discipline: Ponder what you're communicating, and pray about it. Refrain from meddling and being contentious, for, as Charles Bridges explains, "A wide difference is made between 'suffering as a busybody and suffering as a Christian' ". Exhibit self-control, not letting the heat of the moment dictate the speed of your response,

"But the true peace-maker, while he deplores the strife, well knows, that interference in the moment of irritation will kindle rather than extinguish, the fire. Yet his self-control is not indifference. He commits the matter to Him whose wisdom He so greatly needs." (Bridges)

6) Remember the difference between "friends" and "friendly": Facebook has hijacked the word "friend" and morphed it into an often meaningless title. Most of the people on Facebook are not your friends. They are acting friendly towards you, but they are not with you in the trenches of everyday life, or the ones you call in the midst of a crisis. I've discovered that "friends" on Facebook are often digital versions of nosy neighbors peeking over the fence to see what the latest neighborhood gossip is. Instead of fences, though, we deliver the news via status updates. We have an obligation to be friendly with everyone. We do not have an obligation to be friends with everyone.

7) Remember your "friends" have a right to do what they will with their Facebook page: Facebook is often the forum where you discover what your "friends" really think about hot-button issues, like education and parenting and theology and politics. It's not our responsibility to correct everyone and set them straight on the issues at hand. Yes, there are those with whom we can have friendly debates, but wisdom requires knowing who they are and acting accordingly, for not everyone has a teachable spirit or thinks you're the iron that should be sharpening them.

8) Avoid talebearing and talebearers: The talebearer delights in stirring up strife and "raking up old and forgotten tales." (Bridges) Since being on Facebook, I've learned that the man who is connected with the denomination I am part of is a heretic (that would make me one, too). I've also learned that he has encouraged women to be chained to their kitchen sinks and have babies (obviously not at the same time) until their uteri fall out. Yes. This is the kind of distasteful and unChristian talk that goes on in some parts of the Facebook world. Bridges, in his wonderful commentary on Proverbs, says we should stop the talebearer in his words, "compel him to produce his authority; face him, if possible, with the subject of his tales. This decisive course will prevent a mass of slander, and put him to shame." 

I agree with this in most cases, but I also think it's wise to ask yourself if you are the one to do this. In some instances, it's better to remove yourself from the flurry of false information, and let people think of you what they will.

9) Be a peacemaker: You'll often give offense simply by being who you are and sharing what you believe. For these things, you can't apologize. But, there might be times when you've been unfriendly or unwise in your communication. If so, make it right with the offended party. Remember, too, the value of covering offenses in love, ignoring updates that make you bristle, and avoiding the temptation to censure others. And sometimes using the "unfriend" button is the most peaceable thing you can do, for yourself and for others.

10) Let Facebook be a better place because you are there: Show yourself friendly. Pray faithfully for others. Speak the truth in love. Avoid contentious "friends. Surrender the need to defend yourself at every turn. Clothe yourself in humility. Let your fear of God be BIG and your fear of man be small. Give encouraging words. Share those funny details of your day. Point to Jesus. Praise His name by speaking of His mercies. Be salt and light (remembering that some will hate you for it).

With love,
Trisha