Schizophrenic and Cynical Messages About Motherhood

Do you remember the first time you were about to deliver a child? You heard from women who were very encouraging, and then there were the OTHERS. The ones who told you how horrible delivery was and then went on to the "terrible twos." Motherhood suddenly didn't seem so exciting, and your rejoicing seemed a bit premature and presumptuous.

There will always be those who offer a caution in the spirit of wisdom, when they're really just being wet blankets. They're rejecting something simply on the basis that the experience wasn't good for them. And at the heart of the matter is the fleshly impulse to make sure it's not good for you, either. Cynicism seems to be even the Christian rule of the day, clamoring to make exceptions the rule and the norm the exceptions.

This happens especially around Mother's Day. And sadly, I believe Christians are the best at making mothers feel guilty simply for being mothers. Elyse Fitzpatrick  wrote an article called Happy Daughters Day, and while it has nuggets of wisdom, it also reminds me that we often have grace for every mother in the world except the one who rejoices in being a mother and who has children who honor her even on days like Mother's Day.

Honestly, one trip around the internet is proof enough that we toss about schizophrenic messages regarding motherhood at every turn:

Yes. Children are a blessing from the Lord.
BUT, don't delight too much in that motherhood stuff. In fact, if you are, you must be making an idol of it.

Mothers are so important, and the woman who rocks the cradle rules the world.
BUT, the mother who stays at home and who has worked in the corporate world or who has a Ph. D. is an even more important mother and rocks the cradle better.

God is faithful.
BUT, He's not faithful enough to REALLY be a God to your children. Expect that most of them will walk away from the faith, and if they don't, well, you were one of the lucky ones (after we've declared somewhere else that we don't really believe in luck).

Good grief! No wonder mothers don't know if they should be rejoicing or apologizing. Singing or crying. Thanking God for the work He's doing in their children's lives or sighing with great relief that one of their children squeaked through life without much damage.

Fitzpatrick, after telling us how depressing Mother's Day is for most women and how it piles on them a load of guilt, then tells us to enjoy the "paltry bobbles" given to us by our families, and be sure to remember that those "bobbles" are nothing compared to the blood of Christ.

As though most Moms look at the handprint covered piece of manila paper as their means of salvation?

I'm thinking she meant to say "baubles," as that is "a showy, usually cheap, ornament; trinket." "Bobbles" is defined as "a small ball of fabric" and even "an error." Whatever word she wanted to use, her message is that those gifts your children or your husband bring you on Mother's Day aren't worth much. But is this how the joyful mother sees the burnt toast or the wilted wildflower or the paper mache covered flower vase? Of course, everything on this earth is a paltry bauble compared to our salvation, but does that mean we do not enjoy God's good gifts to us? 

Truly, we have become cynical about motherhood. And this cynicism is leaving many of us tongue-tied. We're scared to say motherhood is a beautiful thing lest we offend the barren woman. We're scared to share how much we enjoy it and feel blessed by it lest we're assaulted by the horror stories of other women. We're hesitant to share how our children bless us lest we be accused of making other mothers envy.

We are to bear one another's burdens. We are to be clothed in compassion. Does doing these things mean we restrain from enjoying the good gifts God has given us? Does this mean I don't enjoy the sunshine because somewhere a prisoner is in a cold, dark cell? Does this mean I don't enjoy the food God has provided because others go hungry? Does this mean I don't enjoy children dancing at my feet because a woman chose to kill the fruit of her womb? 

Then how is this grace, for is it not grace that puts food on my table when others are without? Is it not grace that kept me from hating the fruit of my womb and instead rejoicing in it? Is it not grace that lets me breathe in the fresh air and walk in the sunshine instead of rotting in a prison cell? Is it not grace that lets me rejoice  even in a money-making day like Mother's Day in a culture that is so devoid of treasuring life that at least they're still recognizing, though in a stunted way, the value of motherhood? 

Yes. Grace is also for you mothers who love being mothers and who even like Mother's Day. Enjoy whatever way your family chooses to celebrate, and thank God for the blessings He's given you. Don't apologize for being a mother or feel guilty about it. Be thankful, and let that thankfulness spill over into the lives of those around you, including the women for whom Mother's Day will be difficult. 

With love,
Trisha