How to be the Perfect Hostess and House Guest

In her book, The Shaping of a Christian Family, Elisabeth Elliot fondly recalls visiting a family and watching the couple put their children to bed. Everyone of them went cheerfully--no murmuring, no getting up again for a glass of water. It was beautiful.

If she were to visit my home, she would see little ones fight over getting to use the bathroom first or coming back out from their bedrooms to look for something they must have on their person in order to go to sleep. No doubt Mrs. Elliot would think there was work to be done, though I'm sure she would be gracious about it.

I've read many helpful hints about being a hospitable hostess or a thoughtful house guest.

Find out if there are food allergies.
Have a welcome kit.
Clean up after yourself.
Don't overstay your welcome.

But in all of my reading, I don't recall the two qualities that make the most ideal house guest and hostess.

1) Remembering life happens here and there: A house guest might expect perfection and an uptight hostess might seek perfection. Both need to remember that life happens wherever we are, and sometimes it's messy.

Often the hostess wants perfection in her table settings, her linens, her decor, and eventually, in her family. Without even realizing it, she'll try to hide that life happens in her home. This phrase came from my pastor. He reminds me of it when I'm struggling with the fact that our Littles aren't behaving in church, or one of them just climbed on a luncheon table, or is screaming in the middle of prayer or preaching. "Life happens here," he says, and it's helped me keep things in perspective not just when at church, but especially when at home.

This is a truth we have to remember when showing hospitality and when receiving it. I don't mean neglecting to clean the bathroom or teach your children manners. I do mean embracing the fact that our children will misbehave, food will get burned, little boys might forget to put the toilet lid down, and there might be stacks of papers or books and other things that reveal that this is a home and not a showroom.

2) Remembering sanctification happens daily, moment by moment, for the rest of our lives: Praise God there's not a moment when He's not making us more like Jesus. We are all a work in progress, all of the time. This means that you might have to get up in the middle of a meal and discipline a child, or your child might have to apologize for being unkind or inconsiderate. Or you might have to hold your tongue when a guest is rude or thoughtless. And on extended stays, even more sin will be exposed when Mom gets annoyed or children disobey or we get upset over the little things.

Being like Jesus to one another is at the heart of hospitality. This means extending grace to one another as we enjoy the fellowship God has set before us. What are we communicating when we expect to be or to visit the "perfect" family in a "perfect" home?

My favorite house guests are those who graciously bear with my infirmities, remembering I'm a sinner with feet of clay. And when I visit a friend and hear her yell at her child, or I watch her children fighting, or I spy a pile of laundry still not folded, I don't think, "She really needs to get it together." Instead, I thank God for another home where "life happens" and where everyone is being made more like Jesus every day.

With love,
Trisha