When We Call God a Liar

I do not know why some people think that it is meritorious to express doubt in matters of religion. They think that it is somehow vain or impolite to be certain and that it is humble and therefore desirable to say, "I do not know...I hope so...I would like to believe...I think..." Nothing could be more faulty. The humble person is the one who bows before God's revelation and accepts it because of who God is. It is a proud man who thinks he knows enough about anything to doubt God. Besides, God says that doubt is the equivalent of calling Him a liar; it is as much as to say that His word is untrustworthy. (cf. 1 John 5:10).

James Montgomery Boice, The Christ of the Empty Tomb

Six Things That Surprised Me About Parenting Teens

Our oldest son turns 18 on Friday. Yes, his fingerprints on the wall have become fingerprints on the keyboard, as he faithfully slings the ink, the words, that leave me in wonder at the gifts God has given him.

I would love to go back to day one of becoming a Mom and know then what I know now. But I take much comfort in God's perfect pacing of my sanctification, and His wisdom and sovereign care in writing our stories.

Yet, navigating the often turbulent teen years has surprised me in quite a few ways. I expected much, but here are a few things I didn't know:

1) We'd really disagree about music and other stuff: I remember the arguments my parents had with some of my siblings over music. And rightly so. Much of the music was offensive and dishonoring to the Lord. But I just knew our children would like the same music we did and agree with us about everything else. When I realized this wasn't true, and yet, our children still honored the Lord in their choices, I stopped taking our differences personally, and began to enjoy learning from my sons.

2) It could be so hard that I would be tempted to employ the silent treatment, and other passive-aggressive soul-starving methods of non-communication: Yes. There have been times that butting heads has felt like clashing hearts, with a pain and frustration so intense that I didn't think I could bear it. Those are moments that leave you with more questions than answers and drive you to your knees as almost nothing else can. I'm grateful the Holy Spirit kept me from letting the sun go down on my wrath and has kept our hearts tender towards one another.

3) We would enjoy each other's company and talk with one another so openly: I heard so much about the teen years being that time when children shut down and shut you out, but I'm thankful to God that I have teenagers who can't stop telling me about what they're reading and learning, who let me know when I have a log in my eye, who tell me when I'm parenting inconsistently, who want to know my opinion, who make me laugh, who like being with me.

4) Perfection doesn't appear at 16, but neither does rebellion. I will be the first to tell you to teach your children first-time obedience early on. "Obedience is all the way, right away, and with a happy spirit." This is exactly what I tell our younger children. Somewhere along the way, influenced by books and other teachings, I began to equate obedience and maturity with perfection. But our children will not leave our homes perfectly sanctified. They're still pilgrims-on-the-way, just like we are. They're growing in grace, just like we are. Yet, it's easy to hold them to a different standard as we forget our own ongoing sanctification.

5) There would be so much grace and forgiveness: Satan often whispers to me in those moments when I've blown it again to just give up repenting (since I have to do it so often) and move on. Or my pride rises up and wants to justify my fleshly responses.  BUT, years of asking forgiveness and repenting before my children for having sinned against them and our God, has reaped a most beautiful only-by-the-grace-of-God thing--they do it, too. The Holy Spirit is at work in them, convicting them of sin and moving them to keep short accounts. And, oh, the GRACE they extend to me...it's simply overwhelming at times.

6) There would always be more to learn: No matter how many years you've been parenting, the learning never stops. The only thing I'm an expert at is knowing that godly parenting can't be confined to a method. Rather, it rests on His wisdom and grace and the manna that doesn't come years in advance, but rather day by day.

I have many more teen years to parent through. No doubt it will be hard. There will be more tears, and even more prayers. There will be disappointments and heartaches and perhaps many changes. But He is faithful, His mercies are new every morning, His grace is sufficient, and He has promised to finish the good work He has started in us. Thanks be to God!

With love,
Trisha

Ditch the Paralysis and Divining Rods and Just Do This

Many Christians take a "passive trust" approach to seeking guidance and direction from the Lord. They think that knowing God's will comes as God reveals His secret plan to them; then they will know what to do. But guidance is really a matter of obedient, active trust. I examine the options before me using the principles, themes, and perspectives of Scripture. Then, to the best of my knowledge and ability, I apply biblical wisdom and make a decision. My decision is not based on reading God's mind, but on things He has clearly revealed in His Word. As I step forward, I entrust myself to the Lord, knowing that He rules over everything and will place me where He wants me. This is the biblical model of guidance. Too many people have their "Christian divining rods" out in hopes of discovering the secret will of God. Meanwhile, the Bible in their hands is unopened--the thing God has said will be a "lamp to their feet and a light to their path"!
~Paul Tripp

Thankful Thursday-20 Days from Now

To be silent over God's mercies is to incur the guilt of ingratitude; it is to act as basely as the nine lepers, who after they had been cured of their leprosy, returned not to give thanks unto the healing Lord. To forget to praise God is to refuse to benefit ourselves; for praise, like prayer, is one great means of promoting the growth of spiritual life.

~C. H. Spurgeon

                                                                              ****

20 days.

In that short time, God-willing, I'll have the joy of seeing my Mama walk through those airport gates, and she'll be delighted to see Elijah and hold him for the first time.

What a gift.

While we wait, life goes on, busy and full, reminding us of God's endless mercies and affirming the comforting truth that this world is not our home.

Ink's recovery from his wisdom teeth went so well--no complications at all. When I took him for his check-up, the surgeon was even surprised (and pleased) that the holes had already closed up.

We walked out of the office only to discover our van battery was dead. Thankfully, AAA was there in less than 10 minutes and replaced the battery, and we were soon on our way. I praise God for CONVENIENCE. Those few extra dollars I paid to have the mechanic take care of everything right there were more than worth it!

 I'm thankful our children love to have Sarge as their Bible study companion.

 I'm thankful for the reminder from a dear friend that less than perfect, i.e. blurry, shots are worth keeping when they capture moments like this.

 I'm thankful for mashed bananas and rice cereal and high chairs.

 I'm thankful to open the refrigerator and see the lunch Ink prepared the night before to take to work. It shouts "responsibility" to me, and it's a blessing to watch our young men be men.

 I'm thankful for children who love to watch Daddy eat on those night when he gets home extra late, and who can't resist the impulse to mooch.

 I'm thankful for new dining chairs and little men who want to be like the big men.

 I'm thankful for twin mugs, one for me and one for Tami. They're not theologically correct, perhaps, but maybe God will have me singing praises to Him while dancing in a chocolate fountain.

 I'm thankful for pink roses from Tami.

I'm thankful for notes like this, sweet graces, that humble me and remind me again what a great mercy it is that God made me a mother, trusting this wretched sinner with discipling tender souls for His glory. Oh, how I fail over and over to be like Jesus to our children, and yet, they extend me such grace and are the hands and feet of Christ to me.

I'm thankful that a most precious houseguest arrives tonight, and that for the first time, I'll get to hug a Pliego.

I'm thankful for Paul Tripp's book Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands. You really should read this one. Like, right now. :)

With love,
Trisha

How Many Sisters Does It Take

...to care for baby after his bath?

Did You Hear Janie Has a New Wheat Grinder?

Ok. So maybe you're not coveting a wheat grinder, but what about someone's book collection? Her house? Her recent vacation? Her freedom? Her hours of "alone" time?

Are you coveting someone's family size or income? Maybe you're coveting the atmosphere in another's woman's home or the way she finds the best deals at garage sales or the number of friends she has. Maybe you're coveting her way with words, her baking skills, or her knack for posting Facebook updates that get hundreds of "likes,"--you know, deep stuff like, "just painted my nails chartreuse."

Nothing is out of reach of our sinful hearts. We can envy big thing or small things, the most serious things or the most ridiculous. When someone has something we want, and our wanting leads to sinning, we've already forgotten Who the Giver of the gift is. We forget we're bristling against God's sovereign care of us. We mimic the sibling who throws herself on the floor and screams, "That's not fair!"

We just do it with a bit more self-control, at least on the outside.

But what if every time we're tempted to covet what someone else has and withhold good words of affirmation, to refuse to rejoice with those who rejoice, or to simply ignore another's blessings, we remember it is from His Hand that all these blessings flow?

"Women tend to grouse about the blessings God give to others. But if we looked at it in those terms, that God has blessed Janie with a new wheat grinder, we would probably be much less likely to complain and covet. It's much easier to complain when we think circumstances happen at random, than when we remember that God brings all things to pass."
~Denise Sproul, Tending Your Garden

With love,
Trisha

When No One At Church Is Just Like You

My family is a mixed bag.

Some of us love sweet while others prefer salty. Some of us are fair-haired and light-eyed while others are olive-skinned and brown-eyed. One child loves horses while another prefers dogs. Some of our children love singing. Others do not. Some are natural organizers while some struggle just to keep their sock drawers in order. Some are diligent in their lessons. Others require prodding.

But, in the midst of all of our differences, we've never looked at one another and said, "We're just not enough alike. I must leave this family to find others who are exactly like I am." Instead we remember God has put us here together. He has formed our family according to His perfect wisdom. We learn from each other's differences and meet each other's needs, refusing to let differences be points of division. 

Isn't this what most families do?

And yet, when it comes to our church families, we have different expectations. We want others members to mirror our family size, our season of life, our tastes in books, our disabilities, our introvert or extrovert tendencies, and so on. 

In my own small church body, no two families are exactly the same. Our family has nine children, ranging in ages from 17 to 6 months. Another family has no children at home, but lives with their aging parents, giving them constant, loving care. Some of the families know what it's like to have adopted children or have a child with a disability. We're different, often radically different. 

This used to bother me. I longed to have another mom in the body who was parenting children the same ages as ours, whose family landscape looked more like mine. But the tie that binds is not Sally's liking the same things I do or having a family that mirrors mine, but rather who we are in Christ. 

Paul reminds us that each part of the body is important, and the body suffers if even one part is missing. While he was referring to gifts, the principle applies in other ways, too.

The single woman is part of the body. The mother with many littles is part of the body. The divorced mother is part of the body. The woman who loves theology is part of the body, as is the woman who has no clue about antinomianism or latitudinarianism. No matter how "different" we are, the fact that we've been redeemed means that He has given us the blessing of being just right for one another. Will we choose to be so?

When our eyes are fixed on ourselves, our differences are magnified to divisive proportions. Those differences keep us in bondage to self. They're devices Satan uses to foster discontentment and church-hopping. But when our eyes are fixed on Christ, we see those differences as opportunities--opportunities to learn from one another, love each other, encourage each other, to dwell together in unity.

We see the big picture of making it all about Him and not about Us.

So, when we're looking for a church family, let's not be so quick to find out if it has a singles group, a group for those who hate red jello, or a mothers-of-many group. Rather, let's focus on whether the Gospel is being preached, remembering God's wisdom in forming church families often includes having its members look very different from one another.

With love,

Trisha

Fill Their Minds with Scripture

**Luke was holding Elijah one morning while doing his Bible reading. Then Elijah wanted to take part of the feasting, too, although more with the intention to crumple some pages. I love this visual reminder to faithfully set the Word of God before our children.

Why I Welcome Intrusive Fertility-Related Questions and Those Pats to the Pregnant Belly

I've heard plenty of rude comments and questions in my years as a mother.

"Don't you know what causes that?"
"Don't you have a television?"
"Better you than me."
"Are you done, yet?"
"Are you trying to get your own television show?"
"What are you trying for, a baseball team?" (said not so affectionately by one of our pastoral candidates)
"You must be rich to have that many children."

I know the impulse is to say, "This is really none of your business." I've been tempted to do this myself. But I've noticed a disturbing trend in a world that calls men to be effeminate and women to be the men and life to be snuffed out for convenience and the right amount of money:

The invisible pregnant woman.

I remember the attention a pregnant woman used to get. Perhaps I'm speaking of exceptions right now, but I fear my observations are becoming the norm.

Men used to defer to pregnant women. They'd let us go first. They'd open the door. I remember Target stores having special "stork" parking spaces for mothers-to-be. Women would ask questions like, "When are you due?" "Is this your first?" They'd say things like, "Congratulations!" "How wonderful!"

And yes, women would often touch the belly.

But the pregnant woman is becoming invisible. Men charge past. Women ignore. There is no wonder at the truth that another human being is growing life within her, because there is no wonder at life itself or the distinction between the sexes. This is happening even in our churches.

Feminism has declared women are no different from men and that our bodies are our own. Abortion has declared life is worthless. And every one of us will be forced at some point, feminist or not, to taste their poisonous fruits, whether it's around the dinner table when our daughters insist they want to be single and pursue their dreams and not be shackled with the burden of children, or when they're forced to give their lives on the front lines of a battlefield. We'll taste it when men let the door slam in our faces or refuse to give up their seats. We're tasting it in a multitude of ways, right here, right now.

So when others take notice that you're pregnant, rude questions or not, it is an opportunity to declare the beauty of LIFE, of God-given, God-fashioned, LIFE, and of the giving of one's life for another.

When a woman reaches out to touch your swollen belly, often she's expressing that hunger to connect in some way to this wonder, this glory, of created life, that other women and society itself have convinced her is insignificant and unnecessary.

Too many women for too long have tried to squash that God-given instinct, the hunger to be fruitful, and for some that desire will emerge at the oddest of times, like when she sees a pregnant woman next to her in the grocery store.

While I was shopping at Costco, a woman noticed Elijah. She was enamored with him. And then, this 60-something year old stranger, asked if she could hold him. It was a bit awkward, but I passed him into her arms. She then told me, "I've never had any children of my own." For her, this was a moment to embrace LIFE, and God had given me the privilege of being part of that.

In our being fruitful, we are given an opportunity to keep LIFE before the world, to keep the conversation going and direct it to His truths, to make visible what the world is trying to ignore or destroy.

Because sometimes the most powerful protests against the lies of this world are found in wearing our womanhood differently as we embrace the gift of children and answer rude questions with a smile and tolerate pregnant-belly pats cheerfully. It's found in remembering that our bodies are not our own, but are to be used for His glory, including publicly affirming the goodness of God in giving LIFE and the joy of giving up one's life for another.

With love,
Trisha



***I do not know the pain of answering hard questions about infertility or other fertility-related struggles. Obviously, my post is not addressing this. I would say, however, that even these are opportunities to point to God's sovereign care over us, our trust in Him, and the power of the gospel.

***yes, there are many ways to be fruitful, but Scripture uses the word in this way, too, "Be fruitful and multiply."