If You Were Here

Dear Dad,

I'm amazed that the heart knows anniversaries. Mine has been especially heavy for the past week as I think on last year at this time when I watched you take your last breath.

What a gift from the LORD that I was able to see you in time and that you were able to take your first look at Jedediah in person. I'm glad his little hand was able to touch your arm, that arm that used to hug us or throw a baseball or work on an airplane or make homemade pizzas.

Our relationship those last several years of your life wasn't at all what I hoped it would be. And even though you kept me at a distance, I don't think it's what you wanted, either. But that's what living often does to us. It makes us think we'll always have tomorrow even though we know tomorrow never comes.

To watch you nod when I asked if you were glad I was at your bedside was a priceless gift that I hold close in my heart. It's one I'll tell my children, as I remind them of God's grace and how He loves us like a Father, tending to every detail of our lives. It's a moment that I'll repeat, too, to remind them that we don't want to hang a lifetime of loving on a nod of the head, but rather we have to be mindful to love well and fully every day.

If you were here, I hope God would have mended our broken fences. If you were here, I hope you would have been able to say you love me. If you were here, I hope you would have known anew just how vast the ocean of God's grace is.

If you were here, you would know the wonderful news that we'll, God-willing, welcome another precious son into the family in September. (I can picture you shaking your head, wondering how we'll manage it all.) You would know that Ink is enjoying three weeks in Mexico with a godly family. You would know that God has faithfully provided through a miscarriage last year, Michele's death, broken appliances, leaky roofs, strange objects in ears, seizures, jury duty, and a whole host of other trials.

If you were here, Mama would tell you about the latest adventures from the desert, including Jedediah's saying, "Bang, bang!" when I mentioned he'd be getting shots, or Ella wondering why, after hearing us pray for a relative's "wife to be", anyone would name their wife "tobe." And even if you didn't say a word, I know you'd be smiling inside.

I remember talking with you once and asking if there were things in life you had always wanted to do and never got to. I remember the sadness that colored your face, and at that moment I realized you were human like everyone else, that you had unfulfilled dreams, that maybe there were many things you wished you could do over.

If you were here, I'd say "thank you" for all you did for us. I'd remind you that God chose you to be my Dad, warts and all, and how grateful I am that He's made me a mother, though He knows so well what a wretched sinner I am. I'd speak of His providence, and the truth that He works all things together for good.

If you were here, maybe I could tell you I better understand how broken people live broken lives and are capable of the grossest of sins, how we don't do what we want to do and do what we don't want to do. And I'd tell you how His grace is sufficient for all of our brokenness, and that when we've been forgiven much, we can only forgive others much. Maybe I'd even look you in the eyes, gently grab your shoulders, and ask you if you knew this, really knew it. Maybe you'd listen when I told you the great news of the Gospel is for every moment of every day, no matter how long we've known Jesus. Even the oldest of saints sometimes forget this.

But, Dad, as much as I often wish you were here, so I could hear you say, "I love you," or watch you strain hard to see the dim outlines of your grandchildren, I know Here is the last place you'd want to be.

You knew so well how disease ravages the body and how exhausting the daily battle against our flesh can be. I know you were weary and wanted to be delivered from it all. You now know better than any of us here how sufficient and amazing His grace is.

I move among the days without you here, but I take comfort in the truth that when we see each other again, it will be even better than my memories of your doing science projects with me, singing those hymns so boldly at church, giving me chocolate for Valentine's Day, or my watching you slap your knee as you laughed so heartily. There will be no hearts broken by hard words and stubborn ways or hasty choices. We'll know what it is to perfectly reflect our Savior's love. We'll be consumed by His glory, worshipping Him for all of eternity.

What a day that will be.

Loving you and missing you,

Trisha

***Tomorrow marks one year without my Dad here on this earth. If yours is still with you, I urge you to love better, forgive more, and treasure, in word and deed, the gift of a father, warts and all.

A Few Things I've Learned About Naming Babies

I've learned a few things after naming a few babies in the last few years. :)

1) As soon as you pick a name that isn't on the top 10 baby names list, it will soon be on the top 10 baby names list. Examples: Emma, Ella, Claire

2) At least one person will strongly dislike the name you pick, and at least one person will be bold enough to let you know. It might even be your friend's distant cousin, but it will be someone.

3) Baby naming is fun, and it's a privilege. We should consider well the name we're giving our children. It's theirs for life.

4) When babies are born, they often look just like the name you picked.

5) A good name doesn't come just from a great sounding name, but from who your child is in Christ and how they live for Him all the days of their lives. How many parents invest more time and thought into picking the "perfect" name than they do in training their children up for His glory?

6) If you like a name, even if no one else cares for it, stick with it. It will grow on them, and one day, they'll look at your fill in the blank and not be able to imagine her with any other name.

And now for this Sweet Baby Boy's name.....

Elijah Henry

Elijah means "The LORD is my God". Oh, it is our wish that this precious son, and all of our children, will say that all the days of their lives.

Henry is in honor of Matthew Henry, the great preacher and Bible commentary author. The set I have was passed down to me by my Dad, who read Henry's thoughts almost every day, as I do now. I've been blessed by Henry's book on prayer as well as his Family Religion, and I'm looking forward to diving into Matthew Henry by Allan Harman.

The Winner:

Thanks to all who had fun with me and guessed the name. And the winner is...

Persis 

Congratulations!

With love,
Trisha

The Most Proper Way to Have an English Country Dance

What you'll need:

Lovely English Country Dance music like this (Thank you, Persis!)

Some cute children...very, very cute children

a camera

space to leap and dance and run 

a Mama heart that says it's ok to leap and dance and run INSIDE

What you'll get:

The sweetest of memories

The biggest of grins

Happy, happy children and a happy, happy Mama, too

Titus 2-Less Pastor's Wives, Depressed Stay-at-Home Moms, and UnChristianity Today

Frankly, reading this article  made ME depressed and frustrated and pondering, once again, what this call for "authentic" mommy blogging is all about. I've shared before what I think about this kind of confessional blogging, and I found it disappointing that a pastor's wife was at it again. I'm shaking my finger and saying, "Shame on you!"

Are Moms who blog about the beautiful parts of motherhood, who aren't posting about every fight or every selfish thought, really doing a disservice to other Moms? Are we simply not being real and leaving the less experienced Moms a pile of unrealistic expectations to torture them at every turn of mothering?

I don't think so. Number one, if you're reading a blog in which the mother seems perfect and has no need for grace, then run. Hit delete. Find another read. But at the same time, don't run to the mommy blogger who wants to wallow in the mud with you. Two, if you're depressed and lack joy as a stay-at-home mom, first consider if sin is involved. I would guess it normally is. In fact, I can list for you a few causes of depression among stay-at-home moms.

First, there's that persistent and ever nasty creature called Self.

It's Self that moves us to compare ourselves with other moms, to covet what they're doing, to envy the lovely curtains they just made and the delicious dinner they blogged about. It's Self that whispers we've given up SO MUCH just to take care of little people who aren't grateful and need their noses and bottoms wiped several times a day. It's Self that tells us no one else in the world has had to function on as little sleep as we do. It's Self that settles for journeying through motherhood as some kind of martyr who struggles daily to find joy, settling for a "quiet, sustaining hope" that convinces us there might be a purpose in it all.

It's self that confesses folly like this AND wants affirmation that it's all good: "My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least." and Self that reads the above, adding the qualifier,"The deluge of attention Melton received (over 2,000 comments, offers from advertisers, reality TV producers, and publishers) makes me think that women are hungry for this kind of honesty, and that they aren’t finding enough of it". 


Then, there's that pesky joy-robber called ingratitude.


It's ingratitude that makes us forget what a privilege it is to even be a mother. Have you not seen the tears in a woman's eyes or heard the hard swallow as she tells you she wishes she could have more children or reminds you how blessed you are though her womb has never known the joy of a baby's hiccup or kick? Did you gloss over the part of Scripture that tell you children are a GIFT?

Third, there's the danger of listening to the wrong voices.

The article that sparked my need to forego my afternoon nap and type away to get rid of the voices in my head comes from the Christianity Today blog. The author  links to a pagan mother as an example of what is REAL out there in mommy-land. Do we, as Christian moms, really want a blogger who describes herself as the following, giving us advice about real mothering?

Showing up at Momastery heals me- as do fresh air, deep breaths, yoga, the sun, church, friend time, water in any form, messages from you, feeding myself well, my Sister, snuggling my dog, and reading anything written honestly.

I love Jesus, gay people, adoption, and rearranging furniture.


Ladies, the GOSPEL is missing! And without the gospel, the amazing, life-changing news of the gospel, we are all depressed moms just waiting to happen! We forget the "I get to!"


How grievous it is that we've lost a vision for motherhood, for dying to self, for the power of the gospel, for JOYFUL mothering! God forgive us for taking such a precious gift and trampling on it over and over with our whining and complaining.

How grievous it is that we're tempted to believe this lie: "the one factor that makes being a stay-at-home mom the most difficult: the sheer challenge of parenting all day, every day. The constant sacrifice of body and soul to another being. The unrelenting subjugation of your desires to another’s needs. The fact that sometimes you can’t even go to the bathroom when you want to." No, the one factor that makes being a stay-at-home mom the most difficult is that I'm a sinner, and I carry this sinful nature with me everywhere I go. I can't even get away from IT in the bathroom.


What have we come to when pastor's wives defer to pagan mothers even an inch, and confess their struggles with motherhood, not with the truth that God's grace is sufficient or that He is giving me joy in the journey or that I am training up souls for His glory, but instead with a reluctant, foot-dragging, heart-just-isn't-in-it
acknowledgement that, well, I guess this misery is making me more like Jesus?


We trust God to save us from hell, but we refuse to trust Him to make us joyful mothers? His grace IS sufficient. Let's stop making excuses and claiming we're casualties of unrealistic mommy blogs or other outside influences. Let's admit we're in bondage to our own sinful hearts, confess it, cry out for His grace, fill ourselves with His Word, take a nap, eat some chocolate, and not just endure motherhood, but DELIGHT in it. Oh, and let's encourage other mothers to do the same.


With love,
Trisha


Notes:


1) I'm not addressing the physical aspects of depression.
2) Yes, I think pastor's wives, knowing their husbands are shepherding the flock, have an even greater responsibility to speak truth to their sisters in Christ.
3) Yes, I know what it's like to have children fighting in every room, dinner burning on the stove, the baby playing in the toilet, and piles of laundry decorating the 
living room...all at one time AND be crying in the midst of it.
4) Yes, Ink would have had me remove the finger-shaking "Shame on you," but since he's in Mexico, I'm letting it stand.
5) Yes, I think I'm speaking the truth in love. This CT article reached a lot of women, and we're buying the lies because it's much easier than dying to self and leaning hard on Jesus.  Sometimes passion is good.
6) Yes, the formatting for this post is VERY BAD, but Ink's not here, so you'll have to endure.

Disappearing Ink

***Update: Ink has safely arrived in Mexico! Thank you for your prayers. God has been so, so gracious. Good flights. No lost luggage. No security issues. These are all wonderful gifts, and I'm praising God for His kindness!


P.S. My Beloved was even able to get off work early and come home and get some rest before an evening meeting. Yay!


My Ink has taken the first step in becoming a world traveler. I waved good-bye to him early, early today, moon still shining and birds chirping away, as he and my Beloved left for the airport.

It won't be long before he'll see Becky's lovely face and enjoy a hug only Mamas can give. It won't be long before he's knowing the joy of Christian fellowship with this dear family and other godly young men. I'm so happy for him!

God's mercies and gifts are upon us every moment of every day. Already I'm praising Him for my not sleeping through that alarm, even though I had just closed my eyes. I'm praising Him for Ink's one last question about his passport, which triggered the realization that, um, he needed to sign it. I'm praising the LORD for a generous husband who has such a long day ahead of him, early rising, long hours driving (over 3-1/2), meeting tonight, and yet, does it without grumbling and complaining. And I'm thankful for little brothers who wake up to tell older brothers good-bye, tears misting the eyes.

We're a big family. But one of the treasures of God as our Creator is the custom-design He gives each of us. That means in every family, each child brings something different, something special. That means when one is gone you feel the absence strongly. I had great blubber-control this morning. The tears didn't flow until I closed that front door after the last wave good-bye. You'd think he was going away for years, but we Mamas were made to weep at times like this. I just know I'm not the only one!

What will I miss about Ink?

1) His handsome smile and hearty laugh when he finds something clever or funny.

2) His insisting that I sit in the car while he loads everything up during our shopping trips.

3) His reading to me from his current reads and the discussions that follow.

4) His telling me what movie I'll be watching, and his tolerance of my sleeping through it off and on, a side-effect of pregnancy. :) (Second oldest has volunteered to quickly fill Ink's shoes in this regard.)

5) The delight and appreciation he shows for my home-cookin'.

6) His editing skills for my posts. He pushes me to hit "publish."

7) His late night refrigerator and pantry raids.

8) His organizational skills.

9) His perspective on everything.

10) Those good-morning and good-night hugs.

I'd list more, but he is 17, and I must minimize the embarrassment factor.

Please pray for safe travel for Ink and that God would make him a blessing to Becky and her family and all he encounters along the way. Pray for good health and no lost luggage or travel complications. Pray for a heart that is full of thanksgiving to God for every provision and protection.

With love,
Trisha

Seeing Double...Digits

It's exciting for a child to move from single to double digit birthdays. Luke celebrated the big "10" last week. (His is the first of four birthdays within a month!)  We praise God for the work He's done in Luke AND in us as his parents over these past 10 years. 

10 Things We LOVE about Luke:

1) He loves the LORD.

2) He loves the outdoors.

3) He likes to help with his younger siblings.

4) He has a great smile and a hearty laugh.

5) He always has great facts to share about historical figures or nature.

6) He loves to read.

7) He asks thoughtful questions about the weekly sermons.

8) He wants to know how things work and loves to experiment and build.

9) He's curious and takes the time to know "why."

10) He loves to make breakfast for Daddy.

Since Luke loves throwing hawks and knives at Mountain Man competitions, a sweet friend made this cake. Perfect!

 There was a bit of a TinTin theme...books, taffy, lollipops.

 Taking group pictures is always one BIG adventure!

 Survival guide and gift certificate to a shooting range were big hits with Luke.

We love you son! May God give you many more years of growing in grace and in the love and knowledge of our Savior and LORD. May you glorify Him all the days of your life.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

I Get To! You Get To! Praise God We Get To!

"I sit at my dining room table and fight back tears because I get to live the blessing of Psalm 128:

Blessed is every one who fears the LORD,
Who walks in His ways.

When you eat the labor of your hands,
You shall be happy, and it shall be well with you.
Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine
In the very heart of your house,
Your children like olive plants
All around your table.
Behold, thus shall the man be blessed
Who fears the LORD.

The LORD bless you out of Zion,
And may you see the good of Jerusalem
All the days of your life.
Yes, may you see your children's children.

Peace be upon Israel!

Those children were not, but now they are. And I am falling into the modernist's erroneous thinking if I say they came here merely through natural processes. If I reduce the whole process to the birds and the bees, I miss the beauty and glory of God orchestrating our conception of six of those eight children as well as orchestrating our two adoptions. Of course, ultimately He controls all things--from the rise and fall of nations to the descent of a single leaf in autumn. But here, He bends over backward to remind us that He forms our children and puts homeless children in families.

There are circles in circles that multiply the glory of the dance. I get to sit at the table and watch my firstborn delight in her younger brother. I get to see him drink in the joy of the five-year-old. I get to see my thirteen-year old establish a bond with her littlest brother, and he her. I get to see my two youngest girls delight in each other and also welcome their new brother into their world. I get to experience this reality--not the exasperating, wallet-stretching view that I have eight--eight--children. No, I get to live in a world with my beloved wife, with Darby, Campbell, Shannon, Delaney, Erin, Claire, Maili, Reilly, and Donovan. I may be the dad, but I am a kid in a candy store, a candy store owned and stocked by my heavenly Father who loves me.

I get to...
What do you get to do?

~R.C. Sproul, Jr. , A Call to Wonder


And mothers, think of all we "get to" do each day. Are we losing the wonder underneath the laundry and dishes and millionth time of correcting the same child for the same sin? I often have those momentary lapses of gratitude.

Our "get to" stories are different, but they should all move us to a place of wonder that the God who made us has given us so much, and we deserve none of it. Write your own "get to" story. Fill in the blanks. It can only leave you overwhelmed by His goodness and giving Him all of the glory.

With love,
Trisha

Baby Name Clues

***Update: Thanks to Book Depository, I can open up this giveaway to some living outside the US. So, guess away!


We've chosen a name for Sweet Baby Boy. It seems a bit boring to just put it out there, so I'll give you some clues instead. C'mon. Don't be a party pooper. Play along.

1) One of the names is in the Bible and means "The LORD is my God".

2) We have children whose names start with the same letter as one of the names of Sweet Baby Boy. (Those letters include C, J, E, and L)

3) One of the names is in honor of one of my favorite preachers, a man whose biography was published just last month and is on the way to my house. :)

4) My Dad spent time with this preacher/writer almost every day, even though they lived centuries apart.

5) This preacher shepherded the same church body for 25 years. When he left them to go to another church, he journaled regret and sadness over that decision.

6) Think outside the order of things. :)

Every person who leaves a guess will be entered to win Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jancovic AND Wordsmithy by Doug Wilson AND The Call of Wonder by R.C. Sproul, Jr.  These are books I've recently finished and warm-heartedly recommend. Those who actually guess the correct name (correct order!) will get three entries. I'm sorry...US addresses only. Remember to guess a first and middle name.

I'll close the guessing game next Friday, June 8th. Have fun!

With love,
Trisha

P.S. If there are no entrants, baby boy will always be known as Sweet Baby Boy here on the blog. I will never, never share the real name. :)

Thankful Thursday~Red Skies and Paper Dolls

"That there is a God and such a God, and that He is ours, ours for ever, our Father and our reconciled Lord, is matter enough for a never-ending psalm of rapturous joy."

~C.H. Spurgeon

~I'm thankful my Mom's initial diagnosis has been changed, and she's now having tests done by a pulmonologist. I'm so thankful she's been feeling better this past week, able to get out and go, though her breathing is still a huge challenge.

 I'm thankful for homemade paper dolls made by one sister for another, and the water stains on some that tell of curious little brothers.

I'm thankful for those moments when there's unity and peace and laughter. Did I say I'm thankful for those moments when there's unity and peace and laughter?

 I'm thankful for HP's willingness to replace this somewhat defective cartridge. :) I'm thankful for the convenience of a printer at home.

I'm thankful for God's protection from the wildfires that seem to come every year and skies like this that declare His power and majesty.

I'm thankful for pretty new shoes for grateful little girls.

~I'm thankful for Christ's never-failing intercession for His people.

~I'm thankful for the joy of hearing 6 year old Ella read from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening to her 11 year old sister.

~I'm thankful for God's provision for Mountain Man during a long, long day of jury selection. I'm thankful for a husband who is honest and willing to serve.

With love,
Trisha