Blogging Exhibitionists~Part 2

Some sweet blogging friends asked  great questions and expressed concerns in regards to my post about Blogging Exhibitionists. I appreciate their graciousness, and because my reply was so long, I thought I'd post my response here. Perhaps others are asking the same questions. I'm preparing myself for the cyber-tomatoes, and I'm reminded that this is one of the reasons I doubt myself every time I hit "publish." 

I won't be surprised if I mangle this response, too. I pray you read "grace" in my words. I am not a supermom! Somehow, even if we disagree, I think my friends  will still love me with the love of the LORD, since that love is already reflected in their comments.

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Thank you for your questions and concerns. I did not think it appropriate to link to the blog. May God discipline me if I exaggerated anything or misrepresented her position. In the post, she confesses to not keeping her home and not enjoying the presence of her children.This is not a preference issue. This is a heart issue.

This is one of the things I dislike most about the blogging medium. I'd much rather have tea with both of you and discuss these questions. I'm sure we'd understand each other's hearts much better.


What I didn't say: My post wasn't a commentary on the various exceptions of women being outside the home. My example of sharing our struggles without discernment was the issue. For example, someone posting about their anger against God and saying that's just how she is would be another type of blogging exhibitionist. What is the goal of our confessions? To edify others or to get them to agree with our sin (and yes, I believe it's sin to neglect our priority of keeper at home and put other things first. Keeping our homes includes taking care of our children. Why do we have them only to quickly hand them over to others to have them doing the training for us?).

I will say that I think Christian mothers have lost perspective on what it means to be a keeper at home and that we justify all kinds of departures from that picture, not out of necessity, but because we refuse to die to self.

Consider this picture of bearing our cross and dying to self:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Mark 8:34). This language, too, is shocking. To first century ears, it does not mean we all must learn to put up with a wart or a disappointment or an obstreperous mother-in-law or an impending mathematics exam: 'We all have our crosses to bear!' No, to first century ears this means you must take the cross- member on your beaten shoulders and stagger to the place of crucifixion and there be executed in blistering agony and shame. To take up your cross means you have passed the point of all possible reprieve, all hope that you will once again be able to pursue your own interests; you are on your way to death, a dishonorable death at that. So for Jesus' disciples to take up their cross, even to take up their cross daily (Luke 9:23), is to say, in spectacularly metaphorical terms, that they are to come to the end of themselves--no matter how costly that death--in order to follow Jesus."
~D.A. Carson

Oh, how far short I am of taking up my cross and coming to the end of myself. But, as a Christian woman, I cannot write things that justify my NOT coming to the end of myself in the name of Christian liberty, knowing, too, the influence my words might have on other women.

Maybe having outside help would have been a great option. In no way would I say that is sin. God knows our circumstances, and there are many situations that require extra help. Yes! And these are wonderful opportunities for the body of Christ to show love to one another in meeting those needs.

But, the point of her post was not the acknowledgement that she needed to learn to do those things necessary to be a better keeper at home and honor the Lord and her family or that she needed a bit of outside help. Her post was a confession of not liking being a stay-at-home Mom and the assertion that Scripture does not say that's what she needs to be.


Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Titus 2:3-5

To say we don't like our responsibilities which means we don't have to do them is to open the door to all kinds of sin.

"I don't like to extend hospitality."
"I don't like to change messy diapers or clean toilets."
"I don't like to love my enemies."

Have we forgotten that if we lack joy in our mothering, if we are disorganized and inefficient and detest making plans and making meals, that God's grace is sufficient for these things, too? But how many of us pray, not for the grace to thrive in our circumstances and in our callings, but to instead be removed from them?

I have eight children. I have Crohn's Disease, which is currently a bit active. I have a herniated disc which gives me trouble at the least expected times. I have a husband who drives 3 hours a day total to and from work, usually not getting home until  7:30 or 8:00 at night. I homeschool our children and manage most all household duties. I am the primary disciplinarian. I understand that motherhood is a challenge, and I was not meaning to dismiss those challenges in any way.

When I got married, I didn't even know how to cook rice or make a pot of coffee. After having a couple of children, I realized I was very disorganized and struggled to keep an orderly and clean home. I had to cut the computer and t.v. time, realize my life was not about ME, and then do what needed to be done to keep my home. And yes, it's all by God's grace! I can honestly say I was one of the most selfish women in the world, and I still battle selfishness every moment of every day.

My sister had to work all of her married life because her husband was not responsible enough to support them. Yes, there are women who HAVE to work, but even in this, we've lost sight of what are needs and what are wants.

As you've pointed out, there are so many exceptions, and of course, we extend grace in those circumstances, but we can't constantly trump the norm with exceptions and then excuse women who are just not wanting to discipline themselves to do what needs to be done. This was the spirit of her post. Truly, a woman shouldn't be blogging or doing a host of other things if she can't take care of her home and her family.

If you've written a great post or produced a beautiful piece of artwork for your business, but your children don't have clean clothes, you don't know what they're doing, you have no meal plans, you can't remember the last time you talked to them about the LORD,  you're ignoring discipline issues, and you don't even want them around you, then your priorities are wrong.

Our primary responsibility as mothers and wives is our home. If we're able to meet those needs and do other things, great. But, if we're giving up those responsibilities because they depress us or because we just don't like the role God has called us to, it is sin.

Oh, how deceitful our hearts are. We often tell ourselves we're the exceptions to God's Word, and the truth is, we can often use prayer as an excuse to do what we want instead of what God's Word says. There are some issues that don't need to be prayed through because Scripture clearly tells us the will of God.  We're to love our enemies. We're to give thanks in all things. We're to extend hospitality to others. And we're to keep our homes. (I had a friend once who told me she just knew God meant for her to have an affair because God brought the man into her life. All she had to do was read the Bible to know she was wrong.)

Instead of accepting "keeper at home" at face value, we want to re-define the obvious.

Elisabeth Elliot makes the point that when we make choices we also accept the limitations of those choices. As women, we often want to do it all. We want to have a husband and a family, work outside the home, have our many hobbies, enjoy a great social life, have "me" time, etc. When God blesses us with a family, taking care of them is our priority. When we said "I do," when we had children, we said "yes" to these things and "no" to others.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with asking for help when we struggle in an area, and it's important to do so. We older mothers should be eager and ready to help the younger ones (though I've often found the younger ones don't want Titus 2 advice), extending grace and practical help and speaking the truth in love.

I hope this has answered your questions and concerns. Thank you for your willingness to express a difference of opinion in a spirit of love.

Much love,
Trisha