I'll See You at Home, Michele

Michele

1964-2011

When I was with my Dad in June and watched him die, there was a finality that came with being with him. The realness of it all didn't escape me. 

But when someone who is miles away from you dies, it's strangely surreal. I expect the phone to ring and someone to say there's been a mistake. I want to rewind the day and play back a different ending.

I want to scream, "Noooooooo!!"

And as much as I want to do that because I want to hug Michele again and hear her voice, I know that her homecoming this evening is something to rejoice over. And I know that in time, my breaking heart will rest more firmly in that.

She's with Jesus! She's free from all pain and sorrow and cancer and dialysis and steroids and heart attacks and swelling and every other complication that she's suffered these past years. She's free from sin!

But I will miss this bosom buddy of mine. I will miss my Sister-Cuz. I will miss how she cheered me on and endlessly blessed me. 

Oh, she fought the good fight. She finished the race well.

"The Lord has again taken one dear to you all, but much dearer to Himself, to her happy home. While all here are sorrowing, she is rejoicing. She is not far from us. Heaven is very near, nearer than we imagine. All sorrow and pain is over now, and all tears are wiped from her eyes. She is in possession of the mansion prepared for her. Oh, were our faith but stronger, we should never shed a tear for one so dear to Jesus, who had left a world of trial and a body of sin and death for the glorious inheritance. It is true we lose their society for a little while, but you and I, dear friend, shall soon meet again with those we once loved on earth, and enjoy them to all eternity. How should this encourage our hearts, and fill us with holy gratitude to Him who has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. "

~Mary Winslow

Heaven Opened

My cousin treasured each one of you who prayed for her. She was so grateful. Thank you again for your kindness and your encouragement. We serve a mighty God who does us good, all the time. Oh how Jesus knows our sorrows and brings comfort like no other.

I ask for your continued prayers for David and their children and Michele's mom and siblings. Michele was only 47. There's so much her children will experience that she won't be part of. Pray for grace to draw them all closer to Jesus during the difficult days and years to come. May they cling to Him tighter than ever and find in Him complete satisfaction.

With much love and gratitude,

Monday Facts~A Photo Only a Feminist Would Hate

It's a fact that this picture was taken the day Mountain Man and I left for Telluride, CO.

It's a fact that I'm looking adoringly at my Beloved.

It's a fact that most feminists would hate this picture. Even "Christian feminists." (How does that work?)

It's a fact that I had something special to tell my Mountain Man when we went away.

It's a fact I won't tell you what that is in this post.

It's a fact that my not telling you might drive you crazy.

It's a fact that you'll imagine some crazy things and then be surprised when I tell you the real thing.

It's a fact that this is my shortest fact post. :)

With love,

Read others' facts and share yours with us at Seams Inspired!

Perfect Timing

"Surely the Lord of time is the best judge of time; and in nothing do we more discover our folly and rashness, than in presuming to fix the times either of our comforts or our troubles. As for our comforts, we never thinkg they can come too soon; we would have them presently, whether the season be fit or not, as Number 12:13, 'Heal her now, O God'; Oh let it be done speedily. We are in post-haste for our comforts, but as for our afflictions, we never think they come late enough; not at this time, Lord; rather at any other time than now.

But it is good to leave the timing both of the one and the other to him, whose works are all beautiful in their seasons, and who never does any thing in an improper time."
~Facing Grief
John Flavel

October Snow and Rainy Day Music

Today was supposed to be our annual Family Photo and Picnic Day, but yesterday's rains made for muddy mountains, so we're hoping Monday will be better.

This is the mountain we see every time we look out our kitchen window. Last night,  Whistler grabbed the camera to capture the clouds. 

It's funny now to grab my camera and notice pictures that I know I didn't take. My daughter has caught the photography bug, and I have no desire to cure her. :)

It was rainy most of yesterday, and that's something to be very thankful for when you live in the desert!

This morning as I was feasting on the Word, I glanced up, looked back at my paper, and then realized there was SNOW on the mountain. 

The cooler weather has arrived much earlier than I expected, and I'm surrounded by "fall and winter 2011" boxes. It seems like just yesterday that I switched out everyone's clothing.

But I'm thankful today for the quiet of the morning, surprise snow on the mountain, a fixed refrigerator (and clean floor behind it!), more lesson plans done, Psalm 78, no major changes in Michele's condition, encouraging words from so many of you, clean clothes, hot chocolate, and children who love books.

I'm also thankful for music that makes this cozy time of year even cozier. A few of our favorites are.....

Ludovico Einaudi
North and South (Elizabeth Gaskell movie)
David Nevue
Fernando Ortega (all year favorite!)
Life is Beautiful soundtrack

Do you have music you especially love this time of year?

With love,

     

Surrounded by Merry

Ink and I were running errands yesterday when I got a call from David. The news was heavy and hard. As I drove around I was praying and crying and praying and wondering. Thinking deeply about what is good and just and right and knowing that God is all of those things.

While walking out of a store, I told Ink what I wanted him to do if I was ever in the hospital and unresponsive. He told me I was being morbid. I insisted I was being realistic. He replied, "Realistic is crying. Telling me what you would want me to do  is morbid." Perhaps. But, I'm also the Mom whose older children know what hymns I want played at my funeral.

As we pulled up to a stop light, I caught a Daddy bending over to zip up his son's jacket. It wasn't the act itself that made me smile. It was how tenderly he did it. You could tell this father delighted in his son, and you could tell this wiggly, smiling boy loved his Daddy. It was beautiful. It was a grace note.

Then while we were in Costco, a little girl dressed in an airy white dress skipped right by me and ended her performance with a twirl and a big grin. How could I not smile?

Yesterday I spied the Littles enjoying their homemade see-saw. So simple, and yet, so merry.

I had to capture the joy.

These scenes were water in the desert.
Sunshine in the valley.
Merry in the heartache.

They were sweet reminders of the presence of the LORD, of His care and His compassion.

Because God pours out merry all around us. We just have to have eyes wide open, mouths ready to praise Him, and hearts eager to meditate on His mercies.

Thank you for your continued prayers for David and Michele. Michele is heavily sedated right now as the doctors focus on improving her heart and breathing issues. We wait and we pray and we hope!

With love,

Hard Times~Michele Update #8

Yesterday was very hard for Michele. A dialysis treatment in which they took too much fluid caused damage to her heart. She was intubated, and she had two feeding lines going.

The good news is that while the doctors initially thought she had a heart attack, tests ruled that out, and they are working to take out the intubation tube (that's the goal, but we don't know when). Also, one of her feeding lines has been removed, and Michele's outlook seems positive. She's only able to communicate with nods or shakes of the head right now.

I realized after talking with a friend that not all of us pray the same way. Even our faith when we pray is a gift. You see, every time I go to my Heavenly Father, it's with the knowledge that He can do ANYTHING. How can we read of His mighty works in the Word or reflect on His wondrous works in our lives and think for a moment that anything is beyond His power? O LORD, increase our faith, and thank You for this gift of faith!

I also pray knowing that whatever He wills is best. So, I come begging and pleading  and knowing that nothing is impossible with my Heavenly Father, knowing that His ways are so far beyond my understanding, and that in this hard, hard providence, He is working good for Michele. And He's doing a thousand things, as Jeremiah Burroughs says, from this one thing. The ripple effect is something we don't see in its fullness.

Please pray that the intubation tube would be removed quickly and that Michele would be able to breathe on her own. Pray that her heart would quickly recover from the damage that was done yesterday and that she would be able to eat by mouth soon. Pray that God would keep away all infections from her. She's now neutropenic and very vulnerable to germs. Pray that God would increase her faith and give her the grace to rejoice and praise Him. Pray for continued strength and endurance for David.

"Rock of Ages, when the day seems long,
From this labor and this heartache, I have come
The skies will wear out, but You remain the same
Rock of Ages, I praise Your name.
~Sandra McCracken

Thank you again for your prayers!

With love,

Michele Update #7

Michele was moved into ICU today because of breathing issues due to a build-up of fluid. After a second dialysis treatment today, she's breathing better, and we're so grateful to the LORD!

Please pray that Michele would tolerate the c-pap machine better. Her husband described the sensation as sticking your head out the window while riding in a car and feeling the wind just take your breath away. It's very difficult to adjust to.

Pray that the dialysis would remove more fluid so she can breathe well on her own and be moved to a regular room.

Pray for strength in body and spirit for both Michele and David. I know this process has been so much harder than they both expected. How much they need the grace of God to endure this trial!

Pray for God's peace to wash over them and give them an astounding sense of calm in the midst of such turbulent days.

And in the midst of all your praying, remember to thank God for the many mercies we take for granted, like breathing on our own or having kidneys that function or having strong bodies to go through our daily routines. Each one of these things is such a gift!

Thank you again and again for your prayers.

"And when God tells you to call upon Him, He does not mock you: He means that He will deal kindly with you. You are not urged to pray in the hour of trouble, that you may experience all the deeper disappointment. God knows that you have trouble enough without the new one of unanswered prayer. The Lord will not unnecessarily add even a quarter of an ounce to your burden: and if He bids you call upon Him, you may call upon Him without fear of failure."
~C.H. Spurgeon
"Robinson Crusoe's Text"

With love,

Michele Update #6

I just got word from Michele's husband, David, that because Michele has continued to put on fluid through the night, she'll be put on dialysis.

My precious cousin HATES dialysis, and I know this is so distressing to her.  Please pray for a calm spirit, for no infection from the surgery, and that this will be a temporary measure.

I can't thank you enough for reading these updates and continuing to pray. I know that our flesh often resists reading of the trials and heartaches of others. Satan wants to convince us we just need to focus on "happy" things and that our prayers won't matter.

BUT, they do!! Every prayer we offer is a gift to the person we're praying for. It's a display of our faith and trust in the ONE with whom nothing is impossible. It's a reminder that we are completely dependent upon Him for EVERYTHING.

And every time I see a words of encouragement from one of you, my heart is filled with joy. It's the best gift you could give us!

"We survive the package of pain God allows in our lives by remembering who God is and what He has done in the past. When "If Onlys" invade my mind, when anguish fills my heart, I return to one of my favorite psalms. It is a place where God has met me time after time. Read Psalm 77 and hear the psalmist's pain-drenced words: 'My soul refused to be comforted. I remembered You, O God, and I groaned;...and I was too troubled to speak. Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful?' (Psalm 77:2-4, 8-9).


These questions sound like my questions. But listen to how the psalmist's despair changes from pity to praise.


'I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all Your works and consider all Your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; You display Your power among the peoples. (Psalm 77:11-14).'


I will remember. This is a key to trusting God."
~Linda Dillow


I spent much time in Psalm 78 this weekend. What a powerful psalm that speaks of recounting God's faithfulness to generations to come. It reminds us of the dangers of forgetting God's marvelous works. It encourages our hearts as we read of God's power and glory. Yes, HE is the God we serve!

We must remember and encourage others who are in the midst of hard providences to remember. And when their memory fails, let us be instruments of holy declaration. Let us declare God's mighty works to them.

No matter what is falling apart around us, our God is true, and He keeps His promises. Please pray that my cousin and her family will know this in a most powerful way as they continue to walk through this valley.

I can't thank God enough for you and your prayers.

With love,

A Bit of Silence

My Beloved whisked me away for an anniversary trip to Telluride, CO this past weekend. We left Friday and just returned today. How gloriously hued is God's creation this time of year!

But how does so much life happen when you're only away for a few days that you feel like it will take a month to catch up?

I have lots of your posts to read, school plans to finalize, photos to post from our trip, and other projects to take care of this week. So, other than sharing updates about Michele, I'm going to be silent here for several days.

As far as Michele is concerned, the BIG request right now is for God to help her body get rid of fluid. Her breathing has improved today, and we are so grateful for that. Yet, every day is full of new challenges.....things can change so quickly, so continued prayers are needed!

And let me say that we don't take your prayers for granted one bit! Oh, how grateful we are!

And I have another request. A dear sister in the LORD has just lost another baby. She was 18 weeks along. Her last pregnancy ended the same way, and my heart is so heavy for her. I can't share her name, but of course, God knows who she is. Would you please pray for God to pour out loads of comfort and grace upon her and her family?

With love,