Valentine's Day Without a Valentine

My Mom will spend her first Valentine's Day in over 50 years without my Dad. Not only will the day be hard for what it is (and yes, we make a big deal about Valentine's Day!), but that day will also be the 8 month anniversary of my Dad's death.

Double whammy.

I do up Valentine's Day BIG around our home, and as I've been gathering my surprises, I've thought much about my loved ones who will know something different this year. My dear cousin, Michele, who died on October, was just like I am. She loved making the ordinary special for her family, and I know they'll be missing those special touches this year.

To them I'll be sending a box that includes some items that bring good memories of times with Michele, including a movie that we watched together in Salt Lake City that she declared "a keeper."

The point is letting them know I remember. I remember that it still hurts. I remember there's an empty space, in their hearts and at their table.

Valentine's Day isn't hard only for those who have known the death of a loved one. It can be the perfect time to encourage others, too...

~anyone who's just lost her spouse/girlfriend/close friend/daughter/son, etc.
~the friend who's divorced or separated
~the neighbor who lives alone
~someone who longs to be married but is still single
~the friend who's caring for ill parents
~anyone who's hurting

What to give or do or say?

~a card just saying, "I know this day will be hard for you. Please know I love you, and I'm praying for you."
~a gift card
~an item that your loved one always received from his/her spouse (you be the judge...I know that might not be good for some, though others would find it comforting.)
~flowers
~take the person out to lunch or dinner
~a box of chocolates
~meals for the freezer, especially for someone who lives alone
~a jar full of slips of paper, each naming something you love about that person OR what you loved about the one who's died OR what you loved about them together
~a special photo or cd or movie
~a list of Scriptures about love
~a book about the love of God

I know the objections to Valentine's Day, just like those to Mother's Day or Father's Day. "We should be showing our appreciation every day." Yes, we should. But, the truth is, our culture is saturated by the observance of these holidays, and grief and loneliness are often intensified on such days. Why not do a little something to make that burden lighter?

Much love,
Trisha