When You Might Not Pass This Way Again

I'm 29 weeks today. Every day is a milestone for me, actually, but it's hard to believe that over 6 months ago, we found out God had given us another blessing. It's gone by way too fast.

As a first time Mom, I remember wishing the days of pregnancy away, not really appreciating them. And now, as I'm even more aware this could be the last time I know the joy of a baby's kick inside my womb or having to sleep on my side or making sure the medicine cabinet is stocked with Tums, I just want to walk this road ever so slowly.

Many women with great ease make the choice to close their wombs. They know they're done, and they never look back. Then there are Moms who close their wombs and deal with regret for many years after. There are also Moms who have their wombs closed most unexpectedly or reluctantly, because of medical emergency or husbands who don't want more children.

And then there are Moms who know the wait and wonder game. They don't know what to answer when curious minds want to know if they'll have more children, other than, "Only the LORD knows" or, "I'd love to." They don't know if they should ditch the maternity clothes or give away the baby items or if they'll ever again fall to the floor and weep with joy when those two lines appear. They wonder if they'll launder tiny onesies anymore or again wake up several times in the night to nurse a hungry baby. They wonder if they enjoyed all those gifts as much as they should have.

They do know that there will be a grieving process when their womb bears life no more (as there is for most women, except perhaps those who toss away their fertility and never look back). They know they'll beg for contented hearts. They know that most won't understand, because, after all, you have how many children and shouldn't you be grateful, even if it's one?  More importantly, they know that the LORD's timing is best, even if their hearts have to catch up with what He wills.

I was a woman who thought she wanted no children, and I was even brazen enough to say so. How God has humbled me in these past 17 years. God has shown me, through His giving and taking away, what a precious gift it is to bring a new life into the world. He's reminded me of His fatherly care of me and preservation of my life each time I'm wheeled into that operating room and come out again alive, with a precious soul to train for His glory.

He's shown me motherhood is a gift not attached to qualifications, IQ, income, done to-do lists, house size, or fulfilled dreams. It's not something in our control, though He often lets us think it is. It's a blessing to be received with open hearts and ready hands, knowing His grace extends beyond small incomes and small rooms and all the conditions we want to apply to the blessing of children before we'll define them as a blessing.

For my daughters, I hope that pregnancy, this amazing carrying and nurturing of a life, will never be commonplace to them. I pray they'll not complain about the symptoms God gives us, reminders we have life inside of us. I pray they'll not think themselves less of a mother if they have to have a c-section or give birth in a hospital, but they'll be thankful, too, if God blesses them with a natural delivery, maybe even at home. Most of all, I pray they'll joyfully welcome as many children as God gives them, be it one or ten.

Pregnancy has not been easy for me, especially the delivery part, and I thank God for that. It has taught me to deeply appreciate this gift of carrying life. It has also filled me with compassion for other women who walk a difficult road as they carry a precious baby, as well as the desire to encourage them with the truth that every ache and pain pales in comparison to the joys of motherhood. "You can do this, and God is faithful!" is my mantra.

Though I reflect even more now on whether I'll pass this way again, especially because of my age, the truth is that every pregnant woman might not pass the way of giving life again, whether she's in her first or seventh pregnancy, whether she's 23 or 43. And how hard is the truth that many women never pass this way at all. Childbearing is not to be taken for granted, and God keep us from encouraging our daughters to do so. We shouldn't assume there's always "later" or that having a baby will always come easily to us.

What we should do is treasure this gift of motherhood...the pregnancy, the labor, the pain, the tears, the disappointments, the joys, the victories, for what it is...an incredible display of the mercy and grace of God. Oh for grace upon grace to savor every moment.

With love,
Trisha

***I'm not addressing adoption or the grief of a woman who has never known the joy of having a baby. Those are entirely separate topics and ones I know I'm not qualified to speak on.