One Sure Thing in the Midst of Expectations and Frustrations

***This is from the archives. In December of 2008, I had a MOHS procedure done on my nose to remove skin cancer. The process truly turned into a nightmare with an unexpected infection, a graft that didn't take, and an unusually long healing period. It was literally months before I didn't have to wear a bandage. What God teaches us is timeless, though, and it's always profitable to revisit past lessons.

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I had my stitches taken out yesterday. I won't bore you with details, but I'll sum things up by saying that it didn't go as I hoped, expected, wished, prayed, etc. It made me reflect on my medical experiences, from taking a prescribed medication and having the reaction that only less than 1% of the population would ever get, to having major surgery and coping with complications that just aren't typical, as well as a constitution that seems to require much more pain medicine than the average Joe. I sometimes feel like the poster child for Murphy's Law (if anything can go wrong it will), but as a Christian, the reality is that I'm simply the clay being molded by the Potter. 

I asked Mountain Man what lessons he thought I should be learning from repeated struggles with medical procedures and medications not working as they're supposed to, and he reminded me that "It could be worse." Instead of being frustrated that it was painful to have some of the stitches removed, I can be thankful that all of them weren't painful. Instead of being distressed that part of the wound is still open, I can be thankful that some of it closed up. Instead of being weary of this not being over, I can be thankful for the gift of time and for God's purposes in all things. I know....perspective changes everything.

That thought made me wonder (kind of sounds like "If You Give a Mom a Muffin..") why my initial expectations are so easily frustrated to begin with. Why do I expect a certain medication to do a certain thing, or a certain procedure to be easy or difficult, painful or not? It's because I wrap my expectations tightly around everyone else's experiences or advice and hold loosely to the fact that God's plan for me might be very different.

Just because one friend had no complications from surgery doesn't mean I can expect the same. Just because the doctor's say all will go well doesn't mean I can hold that as a promise. The only sure thing in any of it is God's love for me, and His promises abundantly found in His Word. When my eyes are fixed on everyone else's experiences, I can't have them fixed on Christ and His provision and purpose for whatever I'm facing.

There's much comfort in hearing how things have gone for others...things that we're facing ourselves. It doesn't just have to be medical procedures. We want to know if a certain curriculum worked, if a certain parenting approach was successful...we want guarantees ahead of time that if we do A, we'll be certain to get B. Learning from each other is very edifying and beneficial, except when a certain result becomes such the expectation that anything else causes discontent or defeat or discouragement. My life is in the Hands of my Sovereign Lord. It is molded by His will, not by my friend's experience or what everyone else says should happen.

My life is also a loud reminder that God has worked the opposite way as well, often defying medical expectations with His healing and deliverance. I've discounted much advice from medical experts, choosing to wait instead on God's healing. Mercifully, He's done that many times...the unexpected, the welcomed surprise. I didn't question those times. I just eagerly grasped His will for me, certainly not whining because things didn't work out as miserably as everyone said they would.

But my flesh isn't so gracious when things don't go as I hoped, planned, or was told. And so I let go of those expectations, and instead patiently wait for His will to be done, not rushing through what He has planned for me and the wonderful opportunities to grow in my walk with Him, but instead, keeping my eyes fixed on Him, knowing His plan is working for me a "far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory," (2. Cor. 4:17) than I, in my own wisdom, could ever design.

With love,
Trisha