Could God Be So Cruel?

As God has quieted my heart before Him during this season of affliction, I've thought much about how one without Christ responds to suffering. I've thought about how easily Christians, too, slip into bitterness or fist-shaking or deep despair. I've reflected on how I used to do that.

The question that comes is, "How could God be so cruel?" Let's play out the question with me as an example.

"You prayed for that sweet baby. God answered your prayers with such delightful timing. He gave you life as you were watching another slip into death. You even stepped out of the fear in more ways than one, sharing the good news with everyone way earlier than you've done since you first knew the pain of miscarriage."

And then He took it all away.

Fill in your own blanks. Because all of us have our own story to tell.

I won't begin to offer some deep theological discussion on God's sovereignty or His holiness because I'm not qualified to do that. I can say that there's a different knowledge, grounded in God's Word, of course, of who God is and how faithful He is that comes only as our faith is refined in the fire.

When I'm living in a bed of roses, I can tell you endlessly how great God is and how blessed I am. And you might believe me. But it's only when I'm standing in the fire, back sore from His rod and His correction, heart broken and bewildered, and yet a song still on my lips, that my testimony carries a greater weight.

Realizing we were losing this baby, I stood at one moment in the middle of my room begging Jesus to stop it all. Did He turn a deaf ear? Did He not care? No. There's no doubt that He looked upon me with great compassion, compassion deeper than I know, and in His infinite wisdom said "no."

There's no deceit in our God. There's no joke-playing. He doesn't have a torturer's mentality. He is our Heavenly Father, and He is making us more like Christ. We would think a parent crazy who gave his child everything she wanted. In fact, we've all seen children who are the products of such parents. They're miserable and selfish and grumbling.  And yet, all too often, we want our God to be the indulgent parent who never says "no," who never corrects, who is more like our Genie in a Bottle than our sovereign God and our Redeemer.

Affliction brings to light what we really believe about God. It reveals the depth or shallowness of our faith. It exposes idols and sin, pride or humility. The real question is not, "How could God be so cruel?" (because He's not) but rather, "What will we do with our affliction?" 

Will we be teachable and malleable? Will we be humbled and thankful? Or will we be bitter and combative and have a closed fist and a hardened heart to the wonderful things God has in store for us, those gifts that only come from trials?

Oh, may God give us more grace and more grace to submit with a gracious heart to His corrections, to His refining of us!

How am I? I am good because my God is good. And, I am unspeakably grateful for your prayers! The tears still fall to my pillow at night, and heavy grief sometimes washes over me, and I have to just find a quiet place. I know it will be this way for awhile, and I know that's okay.

But God, in His kindness, has given me eyes to see His many mercies, and a heart that can say, "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes." (Psalm 119:71). To God be the glory!

Much love and thanks to all of you. Your kindness and compassion have been a comfort to my aching heart.